Glenn Beck: It’s a Miracle!

Glenn Beck is a man given to melodrama, to say the least. He gets weepy-eyed over nearly everything and sees a grand plan in the most mundane of events. On his show last week he declared it a miracle that it didn’t rain when he did his stupid “man on the moon” show. And he saw a rainbow.

Back in 2013, Beck hosted a three-day event in Salt Lake City that featured, as its main attraction, a large stage production of a program called “The Man In The Moon,” in which Beck told the story of humanity from the perspective of the moon.

The show would “change the way we celebrate the Fourth of July,” Beck promised, and it turned out to be so important that God even stopped it from raining that weekend so that it could be performed, as Beck explained today.

“I am not afraid of standing and saying that was a miracle,” Beck said. “And we have seen them, starting at ‘The Man In The Moon.’ There’s one that 20,000 people saw. It hadn’t rained in a hundred years on that weekend. It rains on that weekend and I mean rained, it pours, it pours rain. What happens? We get together, all of us and we pray. 20,000 people, we pray. There’s a double rainbow over the stage. It clears up. It was absolutely miraculous.”

No, Glenn. Seeing a rainbow after it rains is not miraculous, it’s entirely predictable and routine. Happens thousands of times a day all over the world. And if you believe in a God that goes out of his way to intervene in the world to make sure you can put on a ridiculous show but doesn’t lift a finger to prevent mass starvation, war and disease, you might want to reconsider that. Oh, I forgot, you’re just such a special little snowflake that God chooses to help you rather than those who actually need the help.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • erichoug

    Yeah, I gotta say, the idea that god is so involved that he stops it from raining on your parade, but doesn’t stop the various other horrendous, violent crimes that occur during the same time period, has pretty horrifying implications for anyone who thinks about it for half a minute.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    This reflects badly on more than just God. If God stops rain when he’s around, why isn’t Glenn Beck travelling around to flooding areas?

  • tsig

    Probably it was the heat from all those Burning Bosoms that blew away the rain.

  • dhall

    ‘The show would “change the way we celebrate the Fourth of July.’” What changed?

  • brucegee1962

    What changed was his that now he has the ability to export his show to other towns and municipalities for an exorbitant fee.

  • chilidog99
  • kantalope

    What do you know? ” It hadn’t rained in a hundred years on that weekend. It rains on that weekend and I mean rained, it pours, it pours rain” Isn’t true at all. Between 1996 and 2014 it rained 5 times on July 4th. Or 31% of the time. It is true that is rained quite a bit in 2013 but hundred years? Not so much

    http://www.wunderground.com/history/airport/KSLC/1972/7/4/PlannerHistory.html?req_city=KSLC&req_state=UT&req_statename=Utah

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Cloud comes in, cloud goes out. You can’t explain that.

  • bahrfeldt

    “And he saw a rainbow”. Peyote?

  • U Frood

    Hey, you missed the point it was a DOUBLE rainbow. I bet that only happens HUNDREDS of times a day.

  • suttkus

    God only helps you if you believe hard enough. Glen Beck believes, so he gets a miracle. Starving people, people dying of cancer and the like, suffer for their own fault of not believing hard enough. It all makes sense, as long as you recognize that God is an uncaring psychopath.

  • freehand

    suttkus says: It all makes sense, as long as you recognize that God is an uncaring psychopath.

    .

    Um, no. The god I learned about growing up cares very much. He’s a sociopathic asshole who punishes people in horrible ways for doing anything other than tell him how wonderful he is. He’s an insecure sociopath, with magic.

  • U Frood

    Or sometimes he punishes people just to make sure they weren’t just telling him he was wonderful because he was nice to them. Gotta tell him he’s awesome even when he’s torturing you!

  • lorn

    It doesn’t rain for three days in Salt Lake City Utah and Beck proclaims it a miracle? Utah is a fucking desert. You want credible miracle how about telling people ahead of time in Salt Lake City what three consecutive days it will rain. That’s something you could take bets on.

    But, as is to be expected with Glen Beck, he gets it completely backward.

  • http://almosteverythingsucks.wordpress.com Hank_Says

    Sigh. Once again a conservative wingnut fantasist demonstrates that even if his god is real, he’s a complete asshat.