Glenn Beck: Leave Jesus Christ Alone! *Sob*

Glenn Beck did his best impression of that kid who made the sobbing Youtube video about Britney Spears years ago, railing about an episode of the Family Guy that turned Jesus into the butt of jokes. He just can’t understand how anyone could possibly make fun of Jesus:

After fuming that “it is not brave” for people to mock Christianity, Beck took a moment to attack “Saturday Night Live” as “the biggest group of pussies on the planet” for supposedly refusing to adequately mock President Obama, before he got back to venting his displeasure over this particular “Family Guy” episode.

“Every great, truly great, freeing act was inspired by the teachings of Jesus Christ,” Beck declared. “Why would we take down just that man? Why would we make him into a joke? Out of all of the people you can joke about, all of the things you could do and did we sit here as a nation and laugh as he was mocked. Why not just put him up at the pillar again? Why not just whip him and beat him? Why not just publicly humiliate him? Why not just tear his clothing from him, spit on him, and when he asks for water, we give him vinegar?”

Really, Glenn? Every great, freeing act came from Jesus? Is your conception of the world that narrow? You do realize that there are cultures around the world and throughout history that knew nothing of or cared nothing for Jesus, don’t you? Has there never been a “great, freeing act” in China or Japan? And I’ll let you in on a little secret: Comedy is inherently subversive by nature. Being subversive requires taking on the great shibboleths of one’s country and culture, skewering sacred cows. Given the dominance of Christianity in this country, it would be shocking if a fair amount of comedy did not aim at that religion.

httpv://youtu.be/IGYi4vC7aOQ

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  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    What a wuss this Jeebus guy is. A deity (or at least a demi-god) and he’s not able to stand up for himself. I would assume that if he’s sufficiently pissed off, he’ll find a way to smite the Family Guy writers. Perhaps by floods in Bangladesh. Next year or maybe the year after.

  • Kevin Kehres

    I guess Beck has never watched South Park. Or listened to their “Christmas” album. Especially Kenny’s song about the Virgin Mary.

  • http://howlandbolton.com richardelguru

    So…

    After the cruci-fiction Jeebs comes back to visit his peeps and they ask him to do some of his party tricks, you know, turning water in to wine, turning wine into urine, all that stuff… Then they ask him to do their favouritest trick of all…

    “Come on Jeebs, walk on water?!!”

    “No! Shan’t!!”

    “Come on ….We want the water-walk!… We want the water-walk!!”

    Jeebs bursts into tears….”Waaaaa! I can’t do it no more….Not with these holes in my feet!!”

      

     

    Now that’s the sort of joke you should NEVER EVER do..

  • eric

    “Why would we take down just that man?

    Evidently, Beck hasn’t watch much comedy.

  • dingojack

    What do you care Glenny? According to the Christian Mainstream Morons, sorry Mormons, aren’t real Christians anyway…

    Dingo

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Family Guy is still on? This is worse than the time I [fade to random tangential flashback].

  • anubisprime

    Family Guy must be doing something right then…

    Not easy to rile Becky babe into ranting and foaming at the same time don’cha know…very balanced and nuanced dude be he!

  • NitricAcid

    Why should we take him down? Hasn’t he been nailed up there long enough?

  • John Pieret

    Why not just put him up at the pillar again? Why not just whip him and beat him?

    Do you know how incredibly hard it is to do something like that to a cartoon character?

  • http://saltycurrent.blogspot.com SC (Salty Current), OM

    Out of all of the people you can joke about, all of the things you could do and did we sit here as a nation and laugh as he was mocked. Why not just put him up at the pillar again? Why not just whip him and beat him? Why not just publicly humiliate him? Why not just tear his clothing from him, spit on him, and when he asks for water, we give him vinegar?”

    Wouldn’t it be interesting if people started wearing replicas of the torture devices of today’s empire – cold baths or stress positions, for example – to show their opposition to torture and to encourage sympathy with victims? And if, years in the future, people wore and revered these symbols while themselves committing torture?

  • vmanis1

    “Prove to me that you’re no fool/Walk across my swimming pool.” — Herod in Jesus Christ Superstar

  • Doug Little

    Seth MacFarlane is probably gonna give him even more to moan about when he becomes the but of the joke in an upcoming episode, that is if it hasn’t happened already. Kinda reminds me of the whole Chef incident on South Park.

  • Loqi

    After fuming that “it is not brave” for people to mock Christianity…

    But mocking Islam in the US is, right? Because Muslims are violent beasts who will chop you to pieces? I recall a story recently where a person was believed (by morons) to be practicing witchcraft, which mocks both Christianity and Islam. A devout follower of one of those two religions brutally beheaded him. Can you guess which religion it was? I, too, have mocked both of these religions, and have gotten a couple of death threats over it. Guess which religion sent those threats? Seems that in the US, mocking Jesus is more likely to get me killed than mocking Mohammed (fecal waste be upon him). Let’s see how many Muslims freak out over that last parenthetical compared to how many Christians freak out over the rest of it, shall we?

    Why not just put him up at the pillar again? Why not just whip him and beat him?

    Well, a few reasons. One, because mockery isn’t anything like whipping and beating someone, so this makes no fucking sense. Two, because he is at best a long-dead delusional rabbi who became mythicized and at worst a complete myth in the very first place. Whipping ancient bone matter is pointless, while beating a fictional character is impossible. Finally, if your bible is to be believed, there’s no body left to whip and beat.

    Every great, truly great, freeing act was inspired by the teachings of Jesus Christ.

    As evidenced by the great evangelical Christian and Warrior for Christ, Gandhi.

  • Artor

    “Is your conception of the world that narrow?”

    I know this was a rhetorical question directed at Beck, but DUH!

  • http://drx.typepad.com Dr X

    I grew up very Catholic in the sixties and some pretty hardcore Catholics told church and Jesus jokes. There was the one about Jesus saying “let he who is without sin cast the first stone,” and then Mary hits him in the head with a rock. And a joke about how he got his cross with Raleigh cigarette coupons. And then the pope and priest jokes…

  • http://drx.typepad.com Dr X

    What’s the pope’s telephone number? Et cum spiritu tuo

    What kind of gum do priests chew? Dominus Vobiscum

    That’s how far back the joke telling goes. Some of it was in Latin.

  • Michael Heath

    Glenn Beck:

    “the biggest group of pussies on the planet”

    Misogyny much?

    Glenn Beck:

    “Every great, truly great, freeing act was inspired by the teachings of Jesus Christ,”

    So Moses wasn’t so great leading the Israelites away from Egyptian tyranny to the promised land?

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_R2XG9CnOj8 Olav

    Beck:

    and when he asks for water, we give him vinegar?

    Here is an interesting thing. It is possible that the soldier who gave Jesus “vinegar” may have actually shown him a kindness:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posca

  • dingojack

    MH – Well, Moses was a murderer and a fugitive from justice after all… [Exodus 2:11-15]

    Dingo

  • doublereed

    He’s right. Depictions of Jesus should be censored at all times. Unlike those anti-free-speech muslims!

  • abusedbypenguins

    Wonder what his reaction to a video of a cross-dressing dominatrix whipping a very large bible with fake blood dripping down the front, while in the Satanic Temple.