Glenn Beck Reports From the Future

Glenn Beck indulges his weird penchant for bad acting and hackneyed premises with his end of year special, in which he reports from the future that 2014 was the year in which all was lost. It’s that typical Christian right nonsense about how everything went to hell and now they’re stuck in a dystopic future.

“Believe it. I have seen it. I have seen it with my own eyes,” he claims, his voice rising. “What the individual is capable of. Both the miraculous and the terrifying,” he adds while showing video of a war vet returning home to a delighted woman and news footage announcing the disappearance of Malaysian Airline 370.

“Forty years ago, 2014, your history books proclaimed that was the year of the dawn of progressivism, the dawn of a new beginning. The end of capitalism, I’ll tell you now, it was that. That this new era of equality and diversity and tolerance … I beg to differ with your history book!” the nonagenarian Beck exclaims.

The elderly Beck then remembers 2014 Glenn Beck using “four words,” before sharing more clips to elaborate.

Using video of the standoff at the Bundy Ranch, Beck explains, “There was a clash of the evil Tea Partiers. There was a clash on a ranch in the middle of the country. A man said he had a right to his own land.”

Turning to clips of his younger self, 2014 Beck explains, “Game time. Everything I’ve been talking about is on. Now it begins. And so it begins,” emphasizing the last four words.

Wrapping up his message from the future, Beck — who survived hemorrhoid surgery in 2008 and “adrenal fatigue” in 2014 to make it to age 90 — says of himself, “I’m not crazy. I was naive, but I was not crazy.”

httpv://youtu.be/lhw87NFzSsI

POPULAR AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
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  • hunter

    “It’s that typical Christian right nonsense about how everything went to hell and now they’re stuck in a dystopic future.”

    Serves them right — they’ve spent the last thirty-five years creating a dystopic future.

  • Dave Maier

    “A man said he had a right to his own land.”

    *headdesk*

  • Ellie

    I wasn’t aware that Cliven Bundy owned southeastern Nevada. Shame I had to learn that from Glenn Beck because the librul media didn’t report it.

  • caseloweraz

    Using video of the standoff at the Bundy Ranch, Beck explains, “There was a clash of the evil Tea Partiers. There was a clash on a ranch in the middle of the country. A man said he had a right to his own land.”

    No; what that man said was that he had a right to his own facts — one of these “facts” being that it was OK for him not to pay the range-usage fee to the government.

  • caseloweraz

    Beck survived hemorrhoid surgery?! I guess that makes him like the guy in The Hunt for Red October who survived the copter crash, and therefore we should cut him some slack.

    /sarc

  • U Frood

    A man said he had a right to his own land.

    He does have a right to own his land. But he doesn’t have the right to graze his cattle for free on land owned collectively by the people of the United States of America.

  • Nick Gotts

    Beck survived hemorrhoid surgery? – caseloweraz

    Unofrtunately, the surgeon threw away the wrong bit.

  • Artor

    “There was a clash on a ranch in the middle of the country. A man said he had a right to his own land.”

    And everyone else’s too. Fuck you, Glenn Beck, from everyone who can remember longer than last week.

  • scienceavenger

    It’s a testimony to Orwell that rightwingers can simultaneously believe that America is the greatest country in the history of countries AND nearing third world status as a brown, socialist hellhole.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Oh, come on! There’s no way a surgeon would confuse Beck and a hemorrhoid!

     

    Oh.

     

    I see what you did there.

  • raven

    …that 2014 was the year in which all was lost.

    This was the year the crackpots of the GOP/Tea Party took over the US House and Senate and most state governorships in the November elections!!!

    Coincidence? Can’t be.

    PS: I date the slide to the VIetnam War. That was when the illusion that the US were the good guys died. Plus, the Vietnam war was expensive and funded by IOU’s. That touched off a bout of serious inflation down the line which was only ended by crashing the economy under Volcker.

    The average pay per hour worked peaked in 1973. Economic inequality, which someday will probably be the problem, started increasing in the 1970’s and never stopped.

  • raven

    Glenn Beck May Go Blind From Macular Dystrophy – ABC …

    abcnews. go. com › Health › ABC News OnCall+ Eye Health Center

    Jul 21, 2010 – During a tearful speech, Glenn Beck announced that he “might go blind in the next year” due to a rare eye condition known as macular …

    Don’t forget that Glenn Beck went blind in 2011. Using his awesome prophecy skills, he predicted this in 2010.

    PS I’ve asked this before. Does anyone know anyone who actually takes this guy seriously? I only knew one, he had an age related cognitive impairment syndrome, and he’s gone silent due to progression.

  • blf

    It’s that typical Christian right nonsense about how everything went to hell and now they’re stuck in a dystopic future.

    If Beck is still around in the future, then it is rather dystopic.

  • some bastard on the internet

    Modus @10

    Oh, come on! There’s no way a surgeon would confuse Beck and a hemorrhoid!

    A polyp, on the other hand…

  • beezlebubby

    If you have a strong need to repeatedly tell people you’re not insane, chances are that you’re mistaken.

  • John Pieret

    Let’s see if I can be as good as Beck at prediction … Beck’s 2015 year-end show will be all about how 2015 was the year in which all was lost.

  • dan4

    What’s weird is that, back in April, Beck actually CRITICIZED Bundy for not paying the grazing fee he owes to the government.