Bachmann Thinks Obama Wants to Invade Israel

This was a while ago, apparently, but somehow I missed it. Michele Bachmann thinks that Obama is “calling for actual war” against Israel and that America will soon do exactly that, along with every other country in the world because the Bible says so.

After leaving Congress, Michele Bachmann hopes to become a major conservative voice on foreign policy issues. Among her qualifications, apparently, is her knowledge of the End Times. Bachmann has warned that the Bible prophesied the president’s foreign policy decisions, arguing that Obama and Secretary of State John Kerry are “calling for actual war and economic war against Israel, or at least suggesting it as such.”

“The nations of the world will come against Israel, and the scripture very specifically says all nations. Now for the United States, we don’t have that experience until recently under President Obama with the United States not standing with Israel,” Bachmann said in an interview with Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council, adding that the Jewish community “sold out Israel” in order to “support the political priority and the political ambitions of the president.”

Yeah, it was easy for it to say “all nations” because the only ones they knew about were right in the immediate area. They had no idea there were other people all over the globe and certainly didn’t know that there would someday be a United States on a continent they had no idea existed. And seriously, how deluded would one have to be to believe the United States is going to go to war against Israel?

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  • John Pieret

    I am particularly interested in seeing the military might of Tuvalu, Nauru, Andorra and Monaco brought against Israel. But the real kicker is going to be when Vatican City sends in the Swiss Guards.

  • gshelley

    Was this one of her examples of defeating liberals with the facts rather than relying on emotion?

  • dingojack

    Who knew George Washington stood with Israel?

    Dingo

  • dmcclean

    I like how she has no idea what “as such” means, but she does know that people often put it at the end of sentences, so hey, why not? She’s a walking Markov chain generator.

  • nrdo

    I follow events in Israel pretty closely and can say that a significant number of Jews and Israelis think Obama has been a pretty good friend to Israel and, if anything, doesn’t go far enough in opposing the wasteful and self-destructive policies of the current governing party there.

  • tbp1

    The fact that this woman was actually elected to the US Congress makes me despair, not just for our country, but for the entire human race.

  • arakasi

    If the Bible requires that all nations must attack Israel, then would we not be going against God’s will if we don’t attack? Any effort taken to avoid wiping Israel off the map would then be a direct affront to God.

    Bachmann has convinced me – the only way we can do God’s will is to launch our nukes right now.

  • thebookofdave

    Why is Bachmann, the foreign policy pundit, talking about Israel in the first place? Isn’t that a domestic issue? After all, Israel enjoys all the benefits of the welfare state, and better representation than the continental US.

  • lldayo

    I guess our government has been helping them with their own defense for decades just so there will be somewhat of a challenge when we attack. We wouldn’t want a repeat of Iraq where we won it in a few days and didn’t have a drawn out, 10 year old conflict.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Obama should first ask himself, whenever any issue of any kind comes up, “How does this effect Israel?”

  • colnago80

    The problem here is that the US doesn’t attack nations that have nuclear weapons (c.f North Korea). Since Israel’s nuclear arsenal consists of 80 devices (DEA), or 200 (Vanunu) or 500 – 600 (Reverend John Steinbach), they would seem to be pretty safe.

  • colnago80

    Re #11

    That should be DIA (Defense Intelligence Agency). DEA is the Drug Enforcement Agency.

  • raven

    Why would we want to attack and occupy Israel anyway? The place is a mess and always has been. We’d spend all our time watching the various factions kill each other like in Iraq.

    Besides, they don’t have any oil. Natural gas offshore but not much in the way of oil.

    We would be far better off invading and occupying…Al-Berta-a. It’s nearby, a short drive away from the US border, sounds vaguely Arabic, and they have lots of oil!!!

  • Trebuchet

    That should be DIA (Defense Intelligence Agency). DEA is the Drug Enforcement Agency.

    The DEA should perhaps be investigating Bachmann. She’s clearly on something.

  • dingojack

    SLC – yeah, I was kinda scratching my head over why the Israel was attached to drugs!

    :) Dingo

  • Michael Heath

    Ed writes:

    Yeah, it was easy for it to say “all nations” because the only ones they knew about were right in the immediate area. They had no idea there were other people all over the globe and certainly didn’t know that there would someday be a United States on a continent they had no idea existed.

    [Heath emphasized]

    Ed, your “it” mistakenly seems to be referring to the human authors and editors of the Bible. Ms. Bachmann is instead referring to the higher Truth of the Bible, that is it all-powerful, all-knowing God’s inerrant word where surely He foresaw the U.S. when He had his human minions write this passage.

  • dingojack

    So, who is the Reverend John Steinbach? (I can find the Lutheran R. C. Steinbach and Louis Steinbach…)

    Dingo

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    raven “Besides, they don’t have any oil. Natural gas offshore but not much in the way of oil.”

    To be fair, it does have some of the region’s most productive hummus mines.

  • dingojack

    MO – but GOD HATES HOMOS – (but he likes tabbouli).

    :) Dingo

  • dingojack

    Loser Bachmann meet brain-dead Shirley Phelps. You have a lot to discuss…

    Dingo

  • colnago80

    Re dingojack @ #17

    The Reverend John Steinbach was a minister (don’t recall which denomination) in Manassas , Va. (this claim by him is some 20 years old). I have no idea whether he is still among us. I also don’t recall where he got his information from.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    dingojack & colnago80, a true Renaissance man, John Steinbach was also an architect and a piano maker. I’m pretty sure he also wrote The Grapes of Wrath.

  • U Frood

    Not staying in lock-step agreement with every action of Israel is, of course , exactly the same as going to war with it.

  • http://timgueguen.blogspot.com timgueguen

    I wonder if Bachmann has a clue about Canadian politics. Stephen Harper and his bunch are probably fonder of Israel than any other government we’ve ever had, and are probably fonder of it than many Jewish Canadians.

  • Al Dente

    You foolish sheeple. Don’t you see that Bachmann is trying to distract you from Benghazi?

  • Larry

    If this prediction is any way at all representative of Bachmann’s thought processes as she moves from her prior employment as a government load to talk-show pundit, we are in for a very entertaining time.

  • colnago80

    Re modus @ #22

    Yor are thinking of the writer John Steinbeck. Not the same guy.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Steinbeck

  • thebookofdave

    Of course, U Frood. We have to pick a target: Israel or Iran. And Obama made his choice very clear to Bachmann at the White House holiday dinner.

  • Nick Gotts

    adding that the Jewish community “sold out Israel” – Michele Bachmann

    The underlying antisemitism of Christian-right Zionism made absolutely clear.

  • Nick Gotts

    colnago80@27,

    You’ve evidently had a sense of humour bypass, in addition to your humanityotomy.

  • Nick Gotts

    BTW, colnago80, are you still predicting that Iran will explode a nuclear weapon this year? They’ve got one week left.

  • colnago80

    Re Nick Gotts @ #31

    Thus far the CIA and the Mossad have had some success in ratfucking the Iranian program by assassinating Iranian technicians and software malware like Stuxnet. However, these activities can only delay the development of nuclear weapons by Iran. Sooner or later, their nuclear facilities will have to be taken out. The US has the capability using bunker buster bombs. If Israel has to do it, they will have to use nuclear weapons fired on cruise missiles launched from Dolphin class submarines. Far better that we do it as the collateral damage will be far less.

  • laurentweppe

    I follow events in Israel pretty closely and can say that a significant number of Jews and Israelis think Obama has been a pretty good friend to Israel and, if anything, doesn’t go far enough in opposing the wasteful and self-destructive policies of the current governing party there.

    Well, in case you didn’t notice, Bachmann doesn’t give a flying fuck about the Israeli citizenry: if it’s whole population was to be slaughtered -from the newborn to the senile elderly- tomorrow, I sincerely doubt that it would cause even the slightest blip in her limbic system. Of sure: she’d look outraged and hurt and furious, and all these feelings that demagogues fake very well, but at the end of the day, it would all be pretense.

    The logic behind right-wing nutjobs like Bacmann’s “support” for Israel is a simplistic, crass (and rather insulting to their audience’s intelligence) if/then computing loop:

    If I show unequivocal support to the likudnik regime then it makes me look pro-Israel.

    If I look pro-Israel, then I look philosemitic.

    If I look philosemitic, then I look like the exact opposite of antisemites, who have epitomized racist hatred since the 1930s

    If I look like the exact opposite of antisemites, then it will insulate me from accusations of racism, regardless of the actual policies I favor.

    This type of “support” is not, has never been, and will never be sincere: it is nothing more than charlatan’s hiding their callousness behind overacting.

    ***

    The DEA should perhaps be investigating Bachmann. She’s clearly on something.

    It’s called politics: voters are all casual consumers; activists, pundits and politicians are heavy users but many keep their indulgence under control, but when one of them start to get high, boy it’s not pretty to see.

  • dingojack

    SLC – or could it have been Israel’s extra-special Iranian-nuke-repelling rock?

    :) Dingo

  • Nick Gotts

    colnago80@32,

    You didn’t answer my question – just came out with your usual unevidenced claim that Iran intends to develop a nuclear weapon, and call for an attack on Iran that would be illegal under international law even if they were indeed intending to develop such a weapon. At the start of the year, you made a confident prediction – no hedging, no “unless…” clauses – that Iran would explode a nuclear weapon this year. I made the opposite prediction, and challenged you to a wager, the stake being that whoever lost would keep internet silence for a year. You chickened out. Do you even have the decency to admit, in a straightforward way, that you were wrong?

  • colnago80

    Re Nick Gotts @ #35

    Anyone who thinks that Iran is uninterested in developing nuclear weapons is living in a fools paradise.

    Re weppe @ #33

    Ms. Bachmann actually lived on a Kibbutz for a while.

  • Nick Gotts

    colnago80@36,

    Still no evidence for your claim, of course, and still no admission that you were wrong.

  • Al Dente

    Nick Gotts @35

    But if colnago80 was quiet on the internet for a whole year then who would give dumbass names for Hitler? colnago80 is filling a vital role by telling us that someone known by one name is called something else by historical illiterates. Won’t you think of the historical revisionists?

    Besides, someone has to beat the Islamophobic “kill all mooslins because they scare me” drum.

  • Nick Gotts

    Al Dente@38,

    Don’t worry – there was no danger colnago80 would actually demonstrate the moral courage to stake anything on his prediction.

  • karmacat

    Even if Iran had nuclear weapons, they can’t use them. If they do, they will be bombed back to the Stone Age. And no matter what their leaders, they are not suicidal. I would imagine Iran would want nuclear weapons even more after watching the US invade Iraq. The funny thing is nuclear weapons may have contributed to the decreased number of conflicts around the world

  • dhall

    Bachmann might hope that Israel is attacked, and during her lifetime, because she believes that will bring on the End Times, and then she’ll get to go to heaven. As #33 says, she probably doesn’t care about the Israeli people, whether she stayed in a kibbutz for a time or not, anymore than she really cares about most people. In her mind, the people of Israel, and those who might attack them, are simply tools to enable her and her fellow evangelicals to have a happy Second Coming experience. The rest of us, including the Israelis, are going to hell anyway.