Another Year, Another Failed Set of ‘Prophecies’ by Robertson

One of the most amusing things that happens all year is when Pat Robertson goes up to a mountain retreat to commune with God and comes back with a list of things God has told him will happen the next year. Those prophecies fall into three categories: too broad to be meaningful, specific but easily predictable, and downright false. A look at his 2014 “prophecies.”

1. The world is going to be chaos.

As generic as this ‘prophecy’ was, it can still be debunked simply by asking whether 2014 was characterized by extreme chaos, or chaos that was somehow different from the chaos of most years?

While 2014 brought some challenges and crisis, compared to say, 2008, the year the US economy went into free fall, creating a global financial crisis, there was relatively little chaos.

I love how he mentions that ‘this year we’re not going to have a unified world,’ as if that’s something we do have every other year.

2. ‘There’s going to be some kind of credit crisis, and I think China is going to lead the way.’

That did not happen.

Rather than going up to a mountain to commune with God, Robertson more than likely consulted some economic forecasts, like this one from Bloomberg.

3. ‘The Iranians will have a nuclear device before the end of the year.’

No, this did not happen.

4. ‘Republicans will win control of the Congress, but they will not have a veto proof majority.’

Wow, he got one right. So did every other media outlet in America. Maybe they all have a direct line to God?

5. The president is going to be discredited and withdraw to Hawaii…

Far from going into retreat, President Obama has taken the offensive. He’s more than ready to go head to head with republicans, come what may…

6. ‘It’ll be the greatest year in the history of the church.’

Robertson goes on about how ordinary people are going to work miracles and there will be healings and ‘it will be unbelievable, all around the world.’ He adds that “Islam is going to be in retreat.”

This is about an average year for Robertson, who in the past has “prophecied” that the U.S. would be battered with hurricanes (in a year that no hurricanes hit land in America) and terrorist attacks on American cities that would kill millions. If we were following Deuteronomy 18:20, Robertson would have been put to death by now.

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  • Mr Ed

    Does the Bible prescribe anything for false prophets?

  • bahrfeldt

    False prophet with beaucoup real profit$$. One rarely goes broke fleecing the flock.

  • Nick Gotts

    ‘The Iranians will have a nuclear device before the end of the year.’ – Pat Robertson

    For this one, he presumably consulted colnago80. Or vice versa. Two intellectually-challenged ideologues with but a single thought. If that.

  • caseloweraz

    1. The world is going to be chaos.

    Fail: Glenn Beck already foresaw that one.

    (But I guess it would mean that both he and Robertson will be out of a job — along with ’bout everyone else…)

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    My prophecy: next year he’s going to be vague, and where he isn’t vague he’ll be wrong.

  • http://www.gregory-gadow.net Gregory in Seattle

    According to the Bible, false prophets must be put to death.

  • lorn

    Yep … that’s what I remember … false prophets get offed by the mob. I guess if Robertson was anything like a real Christian he would hang himself.

    On the other hand Robertson likely doesn’t consider himself a false prophet … his profits are real and good … verified … by the IRS no less.

  • some bastard on the internet

    I have received a message from God that could only have come by Divine Revelation!

    I predict…

    (drum roll)

    …that things will happen!

    Now, where’s my spot on the 700 Club?

  • thebookofdave

    I wonder what the bible prescribes for “not even wrong”?

  • grumpyoldfart

    His flock aren’t worried about last year’s prediction results. They’re eagerly waiting to hear next year’s forecast. Ratbags!

  • dingojack

    God has told me – in a face to face interview* — that ‘Christian prophets’ will make all kinds of predictions — but they’ all will be speaking total bollocks.

    Mystic-Dingo

    ——————–

    * Exodus 33;20

  • http://www.pandasthumb.org Area Man

    ‘It’ll be the greatest year in the history of the church.’

    Which church? Why is it that those who are most responsible for having caused endless schisms within Christianity are also those who seem to think that everyone worships under one church?

  • colnago80

    Re Nick Gotts @ #3

    Yawn.

  • Nick Gotts

    colnago80@13,

    You can pretend to yawn all you like. It won’t make you any less of a fool, and it won’t stop me reminding people regularly of your stupid prediction. Does it not even occur to you to wonder why you made the same fuckwitted prediction as Pat Robertson? Anyone with an ounce more brain than a cuckoo clock would have tried to assess the likelihood that Iran either could, or even if it could, would, develop and test a nuclear weapon during 2014. But you, and Robertson, just make predictions that fit your prejudices, and when you turn out to be wrong, learn nothing from the experience.

  • Sastra

    1. The world is going to be chaos.

    I would think that this one is a surefire winner not just because there is always something in the world which someone can point to and proclaim “chaos!” — but because many of the people who follow Robertson measure the world by their own portion of it and they’ve turned to Robertson for guidance as their representative to Jesus. Get sick, lose a job, have an unruly or surly teenager and yep — the world is going to hell in a handcart, just as predicted. Their world.

    Those are the desperate folks most likely to send money.

  • thebookofdave

    That’s only half of it, Sastra. All of the good stuff (promotions, awards & prizes, weddings, really good turkey sammiches) results not from hard work, the actions of people or a confluence of observable natural events, but are favors bestowed by our dear sky daddy. This places their world on an inevitable death spiral of chaos*, even when God generously throws them a bone. This ‘prophecy’ is so vague, generic, and easily forgotten as to be a virtual guarantee of Pat reusing it annually.

    *coming soon to a Six Flags near you

  • colnago80

    Re Nick Gotts @ #14

    Hey, how do you know that they haven’t?

  • ffakr

    @ colnago80..

    I’m pretty sure we’d know if they’d have tested one.

    Since they’ve been open about their desire to have a nuclear program [even if they claim it’s only civilian], I suspect they’d let us know if they did have one. .. at the very least we’d get word that it was too late trying to stop them.

    ,, and because Nukes are considered deterrents..

    Maybe then they’d have to deal with less members of the US Congress who openly advocate for bombing them.

    I also have a strong suspicion that we have enough of our Intelligence apparatus [aside from anyone who ever worked with Valerie Plame] directed at Iran’s nuclear program. Though the CIA probably wouldn’t take out a full-pager announcing an Iranian success.. they’d probably let the President know and maybe he’d have State stop negotiating with them like they don’t yet have a nuke.

  • peterh

    “My prophecy: next year he’s going to be vague, and where he isn’t vague he’ll be wrong.”

    Sure fire there: he’s always been varying degrees of vague and except for the broadest of generalities he’s always been wrong.

  • Nick Gotts

    colnago80@17,

    Doubling down on your idiocy, I see. Your prediction was that the Iranians would explode a nuclear weapon this year. If you think that can be done without being noticed and reported, you’re even more of a lunkhead than I realised. But even if you or Robertson think they could have assembled one without being noticed, with both American and Israeli intelligence networks using every method at their disposal to monitor their activities, that demonstrates a remarkably high degree of ideologically-motivated stupidity.

  • Holms

    #17

    colnago80, does it bother you that you have sunk to the level of the classic creationist argument “were you there? How do you know if you weren’t there?”

  • colnago80

    Re Nick Gotts @ #20

    Well, aside from some controversial claims about explosions near South Africa 40 years ago, AFAWK, Israel hasn’t exploded any nukes either, yet the DIA seems quite confident that they have at least 82 devices. The ayatollahs may well have assembled a device or two and just not tested any. They could be holding back waiting for a propitious time. On the other hand, the whole thing could be a feint and they are still several years from having a nuclear capability. IMHO, they may have taken a page from the Israeli playbook, which seems to be fairly effective, and opted for ambiguity.

  • dingojack

    SLC – …and they may be planning to unleash — the 400′ high mutant sand-crab!

    While ‘an absence of evidence isn’t evidence of absence’, Occam’s Razor would suggest that the absence of evidence can not justify invalidating the null-hypothesis – they ain’t got ’em.

    Dingo

    ———

    And in any case, whether they have nukes or not, they have not exploded one in 2014, as predicted.

  • Nick Gotts

    colnago80@22,

    All that is of course completely irrelevant to your own fuckwitted prediction that the Iranians would explode a nuclear weapon this year. Have you yet given any thought to why you made such an almighty fool of yourself on this matter? You really should.

    No, the “ayatollahs” may not “well have assembled a device or two”. No competent authority believes they yet have enough highly enriched uranium (or plutonium) to do so; and nor is it plausible they could carry out the assembly without it being detected, as I already said. Nor have they been in the least ambiguous: Khomeinei issued an unequivocal fatwa against the possession (not just use) of nuclear weapons, and that has been reaffirmed by Khamenei. That’s not to say the Iranians are not doing any nuclear-weapons related work; my belief is that they want to be in a position where they could build a weapon within a year or two, and to use that (unstated but known) possibility as a bargaining lever in negotiations over sanctions, and a deterrent against large-scale American or Israeli (or Saudi) attack.

  • dugglebogey

    Robertson, who is estimated to be worth somewhere between 200 million and a billion dollars, is predicting this year that someone will discover how to pass a camel through the eye of a needle.

  • Nick Gotts

    dugglebogey@25,

    Well for a mere 1 million of those dollars, I would undertake to have a needle constructed large enough for the fattest camel to pass through its eye!