Farah Has the Best. Idea. Ever.

Joseph Farah has launched a petition to get House Republicans to remove John Boehner as Speaker (sorry, I mean he’s launched a petition to get a bunch of email addresses he can use to sell shit to), which isn’t going to happen. And he has some awesome ideas on who should replace him:

But House Republicans need to start thinking outside the box. They need to stop cowering in fear of Boehner and his leadership cabal. They need to think in terms of historic opportunities.

For instance, did you know House Republicans are not constrained in their choice of speaker to those in the House of Representatives?

I understand there’s a tradition in selecting a speaker from among the ranks of House members. But it’s not a legal requirement. In fact, the House could select anyone. If they don’t find someone among their own ranks qualified for this second most important constitutional office, they could go outside.

Let me throw some names out there just for the fun of it:

Dr. Ben Carson

Newt Gingrich

Ted Cruz

How would you like to see any one of those men replace Boehner? Do you think any of them could provide some vision and direction for the House? How about others? Do you see what I mean?

Do I ever! We have to make this happen. I want to do the first interview with Newt Gingrich after he’s sworn in as the new Speaker of the House:

“Hey Newt, this must bring back a real sense of deja vu for you. Last time you were speaker, you were trying to impeach President Clinton for getting a blowjob while having an affair with one of your staffers, who would eventually replace your second wife, with whom you had cheated on your first wife. Any prospects for the lucky fourth Mrs. Gingrich?”

POPULAR AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • subbie

    And my follow up is, how about number 5?

  • scienceavenger

    Let me throw some names out there just for the fun of it:

    Dr. Ben Carson

    Newt Gingrich

    Ted Cruz

    “Fun” is one word for it. “Death of the Republic” would be others.

  • http://www.thelosersleague.com theschwa

    How about Ted Nugent? Assuming we can get him out of Obama’s prison…

  • dingojack

    Aw come on Pornstache! really think outside the box:-

    Jesus

    Barney the Dinosaur

    Mr T

    Santa Claus…

    You see what I mean….

    Dingo

  • John Hinkle

    Last time you were speaker, you were trying to impeach President Clinton for getting a blowjob while having an affair with one of your staffers…

    Wow. Clinton could get a blow job and have an affair at the same time. Is there anything that man can’t do?

  • komarov

    Easy: Pick MacGyver

    First of all, he’s American, male and white, so that’s the bare essentials for republican support checked. He was also some sort of secret agent / special ops guy as I recall which should boost popularity even further. “Patriot” checkbox: ticked.

    But the real reason why you’d want Mac working over you country is simple: He’ll fix everything, he’ll do it inside 60 minutes (minus ads)*, he’ll do it with everyday household objects which is great for your budget and last but certainly not least, it’ll be very exciting to watch. To be honest, he probably wouldn’t need any official position at all. Just have him wait outside congress for a bit – maybe he’s meeting someone or whatever – and he’ll do the job just to stave off boredom.

    *No promises, could be a two-parter on account of thuggish politicians and his unkillable archnemesis trying to slow him down.

  • John Pieret

    What” He left off Alan West, Louie Gohmert and my personal favorite for maximum comic effect, Michele Bachmann? I’d have suggested Sarah Palin but the Speaker’s job actually requires showing up and doing some work.

  • Loqi

    Dingo – Mr. T wouldn’t be far enough outside the box, being a real person and all. Or at least the persona of a real person. Oh wait, I get it now. The common thread among your and Farah’s options is that they’re all phony characters.

  • skinnercitycyclist

    @John Hinkle #5:

    …keep his dick in his pants?

    Also, I think Speaker of the House Ben Carson would be nothing short of epochal.

  • sheikh mahandi

    I thought they couldn’t have Ted Cruz, because then he would be in line for the Presidency, and he is a Canadian – or something.

  • dingojack

    Or perhaps they could draft in Humpty Dumpty:

    ‘When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean—neither more nor less.’

    ‘The question is,’ said Alice, ‘whether you CAN make words mean so many different things.’

    ‘The question is,’ said Humpty Dumpty, ‘which is to be master—that’s all.’

    or the Duchess:

    ‘I dare say you’re wondering why I don’t put my arm round your waist,’ the Duchess said after a pause: ‘the reason is, that I’m doubtful about the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?’

    ‘He might bite,’ Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all anxious to have the experiment tried.

    ‘Very true,’ said the Duchess: ‘flamingoes and mustard both bite. And the moral of that is—”Birds of a feather flock together.”‘

    ‘Only mustard isn’t a bird,’ Alice remarked.

    ‘Right, as usual,’ said the Duchess: ‘what a clear way you have of putting things!’

    ‘It’s a mineral, I think,’ said Alice.

    ‘Of course it is,’ said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to everything that Alice said; ‘there’s a large mustard-mine near here. And the moral of that is—”The more there is of mine, the less there is of yours.”‘

    ‘Oh, I know!’ exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this last remark, ‘it’s a vegetable. It doesn’t look like one, but it is.’

    ‘I quite agree with you,’ said the Duchess; ‘and the moral of that is—”Be what you would seem to be”—or if you’d like it put more simply—”Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.”‘

    ‘I think I should understand that better,’ Alice said very politely, ‘if I had it written down: but I can’t quite follow it as you say it.’

    ‘That’s nothing to what I could say if I chose,’ the Duchess replied, in a pleased tone.

    Dingo

  • Sastra

    Why not nominate God as Speaker of the House?

    There can be a great big empty chair and lots of disputes about what the congresspeople heard it whispering to their hearts. Which are also empty, so it works.

    Someone should do it just so we get to watch the Republicans sweat over having to justify voting ‘no.’ God would win, I bet.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/VeritasKnight VeritasKnight

    Correct me if I am wrong, but doesn’t the Speaker of the House have to be a sitting member of the House of Representatives? I’m pretty sure none of those gentlemen are currently so employed.

  • StevoR

    @ ^ VeritasKnight : Hey, does being in Congress really count as being employed given how Congress lately, well, doesn’t seem to actually work?

  • dingojack

    Article 1, section 2:

    “The House of Representatives shall chuse their Speaker and other Officers; and shall have the sole Power of Impeachment.”

    So no, the Speaker doesn’t have to be a member of the House… [although so far they all have been].

    Dingo

  • macallan

    Easy: Pick MacGyver

    First of all, he’s American, male and white, so that’s the bare essentials for republican support checked. He was also some sort of secret agent / special ops guy as I recall which should boost popularity even further. “Patriot” checkbox: ticked.

    As anyone who somehow ended up on Al Franken’s mailing list knows, he’s very much not a republican.

  • Kermit Sansoo

    subbie says: And my follow up is, how about number 5?

    .

    She hasn’t been born yet.

    .

    I strongly support Dingo’s suggestion of Jesus as Son of God, Speaker of the House. I would love to watch the GOP come to an agreement on what he’s telling them to do and how he’s voting.

    “The Speaker calls for a vote on this issue.”

    “No He doesn’t!”

    “Blasphemer!”