Chuck Norris Reaches Out to the Youth of America

Partially fossilized has-been Chuck Norris thinks he knows the secret to wooing the young people of this country to vote Republican. Sure, they disagree with the right on most things that matter, but if he could just talk to them about some very important platitudes he’d like them to repeat ad nauseum, he could totally win them over.

I understand millennials are generally independent but vote Democratic, are less conservative and more liberal, believe in marriage equality and climate change, are more anti-death penalty and guns, more pro-marijuana legalization and big government solutions and are neither particularly patriotic nor religious.

Yet, I know millennials love their country, believe in governmental activism, know the power of local community involvement, are open to truth and willing to be challenged and have never been more disillusioned with President Obama and his fellow Democrats as they are today…

Of course, disillusionment and dissatisfaction with predecessors is key to winning any election. It is virtually equivalent to the value of having the right candidate.

I’m just gonna stop there admire the sheer nothingness of that last paragraph. What does it mean? What could it possibly mean? It’s gibberish. It’s someone really dumb trying to sound smart.

Therefore, I believe, the next two years – prior to the 2016 election – We the People have a unique ability to help change our country by reaching out to young people in our own lives and our circles of influence. We shouldn’t wait for our political party or presidential candidate to lead the way in reaching young voters before we try. At the very least, as parents and grandparents, we need to be the primary models, mentors and motivators in the lives of youth and not leave those roles to other educators or influencers.

As trusted loved ones and friends, we need to educate, inspire and challenge millennials to fight for what’s right in America, not merely what might be generationally favored, socially expedient or of personal interest. We must remind them of the importance of our republic’s history and legacy, and all of our duty to set aside self and uphold the founding tenets of our country, to fight to preserve what has been handed to us. If we lay the groundwork in young people’s lives, they will be more apt to align themselves with a candidate who does the same, even if he or she runs on a platform a bit contrary to their generational preferences or agenda.

A couple things. First, if you use the phrase “we the people” constantly when talking about politics, I’m going to assume you’re a moron. I have yet to have that rule prove inaccurate. Secondly, the rest of this is just empty catchphrases. On actual issues, most young people simply do not agree with Chuck Norris and the Republicans. They know gay people, they like them and are friends with them and they don’t want to see them discriminated against — and they think those who do are clueless, out of touch, immoral jerks. And they’re right.

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  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Yes, the kids these days disagree with everything we stand for, but if we can get them to focus on their disappointment with Obama instead of our policies (which, again, they disagree with) we can get them to vote for people who disagree with everything they agree with.

  • Al Dente

    I’m just gonna stop there admire the sheer nothingness of that last paragraph. What does it mean? What could it possibly mean? It’s gibberish. It’s someone really dumb trying to sound smart.

    Obviously Norris is heeding his fellow actor’s advice:

    If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit. ― W.C. Fields

  • http://www.facebook.com/den.wilson d.c.wilson

    At the very least, as parents and grandparents, we need to be the primary models, mentors and motivators in the lives of youth and not leave those roles to other educators or influencers.

    So, in other words, Chuck’s idea is to have old people tell young people what to think and what to believe. When in the history of ever has that worked?

  • brucegee1962

    Of course, disillusionment and dissatisfaction with predecessors is key to winning any election. It is virtually equivalent to the value of having the right candidate.

    Here’s my translation: “It is just as productive to trash an incumbent as it is to come up with good ideas of your own. But it has the advantage of being much easier.”

    Which is perfectly true and probably believed by most politicians. It’s actually a bit refreshing to hear someone come right out and state it as a strategy.

  • dugglebogey

    Reaching out to Millennials is actually a smart plan for the GOP. There’s a chance they won’t remember George W Bush.

  • marcus

    d,c, wilson @ 3 There is an old legend, unsubstantiated of course, of an occurrence in 45,000 BCE, where a parent shared some sage advice;

    “Look out for that fucking mammoth!” he explained.

    The advice was heeded and my great (600) grandfather lived on to establish our line.

    Otherwise I believe you are correct.

  • eric

    You k’now Chuck, all you probably really need to do is have that laser-like focus on the economy you pretend to have.

  • freemage

    This is a more formalized attempt to take advantage of the Presidential Approval Rating Paradox.

    Obama’s approval rating is in the crapper. Since the popular media can only count up to two (they can’t even seem to grok ‘many’), they assume that everyone who dislikes Obama is thereby allied with one another.

    This, of course, is complete and utter idiocy. A great deal of the President’s disapproval (indeed, I’d say that virtually all the growth in his disapproval rating from the time of his election) is coming from people who think that he lied to them by not pushing a more aggressively progressive agenda.

    Chuckie is basically advocating taking those people, and trying to get them to vote for a Republican, or, barring that (and more likely), not vote at all, by encouraging them to carry the distrust Obama has inspired to get them to just drop out. So it’s an attempt to turn anger into apathy, and thus into a self-inflicted form of voter-suppression.

    Of course, the last time a significant portion of the Left gave up in disgust, we got George W. Bush, but most Millennials don’t really remember that.

    *********

    I was passing a TV that was tuned to CNN at one point a few months back, and they had this lovely little graphic. It was whatever you call a non-pie-shaped pie chart–a bar with three segments. One was, “Thinks Obamacare went too far”. One was, “Thinks Obamacare gets it right.” The final was, “Thinks Obamacare didn’t go far enough.” The first segment was the largest–about 43%, IIRC. But the other two segments were split about 50/50. This made it appear as if Obamacare support was tiny–only a quarter of the people polled. But of course, this was only because at least as many people wanted it to go further in expanding coverage. So by subdividing the support for changing health care into ‘a little or a lot’, while lumping everyone who didn’t want a more progressive system in together in one cluster (even those who would want to not only repeal the ACA, but also repeal or curtail Medicaid and Medicare), it created the impression of a plurality opinion that simply wasn’t based in reality. Chuck is hoping the same sort of thing can work for the election process overall.

  • abb3w

    Boiled down: “We can win over younger voters if we shout TRADITION at them even louder. Once they buy in on that, it’s downhill from there.”

  • Rick Pikul

    @8 freemage:

    Obama’s approval rating is in the crapper.

    I take it you haven’t been following the polls. He’s actually a little above average for this point in a second term and nearly at the overall average with a positive trend and more approval than disapproval.

  • Loqi

    I’m willing to bet most of my fellow millenials (to the extent that such generational categories are even a valid concept) remember W. Bush just fine. He’s that guy who sent our high school classmates to die in a desert.

  • Die Anyway

    His advice is so generic that it could be applied by any political party. I try not to influence my kids too much but if I have had any effect at all I hope it is to have them vote for leaders who will make this a kinder, gentler nation, and not for the purveyors of nastiness like Cruz, Huckabee, Bachmann, Santorum, ad nauseum.

  • scienceavenger

    I understand millennials are generally independent but vote Democratic, are less conservative and more liberal, believe in marriage equality and climate change…

    Here Chuck demostrates he doesn’t understand the difference between politics and science.

  • Anne Fenwick

    Simple translation: it doesn’t matter that we’re so crap even we know that’s what we are, provided we can find a way to exploit other people’s cynicism.

    Honestly, it blows my mind that anyone can actually be so dumb as to lay it out so clearly, apparently unaware of what they’ve just said, but there you go.

  • thebookofdave

    Whatever happened to the man who could roundhouse-kick some sense into our selfish youth? Bring back the real Chuck Norris!

  • busterggi

    Hey, I for one, am giving Chuck a big two thumbs up for not trying to rap his advice.

  • lorn

    … “fight to preserve what has been handed to us.”

    I wonder if CN knows this is both conservative dogma, and far closer to the truth of their effort to ‘preserve undeserved privilege’.

  • dingojack

    Of course, disillusionment and dissatisfaction with predecessors is key to winning any election. It is virtually equivalent to the value of having the right candidate.”

    Well Chuckie, ‘winning’ perhaps, but not ‘holding’.

    Dingo

  • Kermit Sansoo

    Needs a little tweaking…

    “I understand millennials are generally independent but and therefore vote Democratic, are less conservative authoritarian and more liberal, believe in embrace marriage equality and understand climate change and other fields of scientific investigation, are more anti-death penalty and guns, more pro-marijuana legalization and >big other small government solutions and are neither particularly patriotic obsessively jingoistic nor religious superstitious.”

    .

    Hey! I agree with Chuck Norris! He’s an alright guy after all.