Dear Mike Huckabee: Dude, Do You Even Analogy?

Mike Huckabee did an interview with CNN where he made some egregiously stupid statements about same-sex marriage and revealed that he has no idea how to use analogies. But before I get to that, see if you can parse this Sarah Palin-like word salad:

“We don’t change law because some people in a black robe decided the fact that they don’t like the fact that 70 and in some cases 80 percent of a state’s population have affirmed natural law marriage,” the former Arkansas governor opined.

Governor, could you please diagram that sentence for us? We’ll wait.

“I don’t drink alcohol, but, gosh, a lot of my friends — maybe most of them — do,” he explained. “You know, I don’t use profanity, but believe me, I’ve got a lot of friends who do. Some people really like classical music and ballet and opera, it’s not my cup of tea. I would like think there’s room in America for people to have different points of view without screaming, shouting, wanting to shut their business down.”…

“It’s like asking somebody who’s Jewish to start serving bacon-wrapped shrimp in their deli. We don’t want to do that,” Huckabee continued. “Or asking a Muslim to serve up something that is offensive to him or to have dogs in his backyard.”

No, it’s not at all like that. It would be like demanding that someone who is Jewish refuse to serve someone who eats bacon-wrapped shrimp. Time to go back to remedial analogies 101.

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  • Henrietta Swan

    I would think that it’s even worse than “demanding that someone who is Jewish refuse to serve someone who eats bacon-wrapped shrimp.”

    More like demanding that serving bacon-wrapped shrimp be made across-the-board illegal, and that no court would have the ability to change that. Because tradition.

  • Chiroptera

    “I don’t drink alcohol, but, gosh, a lot of my friends — maybe most of them — do,” he explained. “You know, I don’t use profanity, but believe me, I’ve got a lot of friends who do. Some people really like classical music and ballet and opera, it’s not my cup of tea.”

    And you know what? All those things remain allowed even though you don’t like them. Hey, I like this analogy!

  • http://www.holytape.etsy.com holytape

    You can diagram that sentence and it looks like a big middle finger.

  • marcus

    To paraphrase what has been pointed out elsewhere,

    “Of course they drink! How else could they hang out with you? Tomorrow they will be sober, you however, will still be an asshole.”

  • cptdoom

    It’s like asking somebody who’s Jewish to start serving bacon-wrapped shrimp in their deli. We don’t want to do that.

    No, actually Mike, the discrimination against same-sex couples you support is exactly like all those “restricted” businesses and clubs that existed to ensure Christians didn’t have to interact with Jews. You know, the ones we got rid of with the 1964 Civil Rights Act?

  • raven

    Huckabee is doing what Rick Satanorum did.

    Imploding his supposed campaign.

    Satanorum spent huge amounts of time outlining his plan to become a New Dark Age Pope, beating up on women, premarital sex, birth control, and education among other things of the modern world. And helpfully, left a huge paper trail behind him. About all that did was convince most people that Satanorum has a very warped mind.

    Americans don’t really care what Huckabee thinks about beer, same sex marriage, bacon wrapped shrimp, etc., at least as a President. We have serious problems in the USA that impact everyone. The economy has been creeping along for years, good jobs are scarce, economic inequality has been increasing for 45 years, and there is always the perennial terrorist problems somewhere in the world.

  • abb3w

    @5ish, cptdoom

    No, actually Mike, the discrimination against same-sex couples you support is exactly like all those “restricted” businesses and clubs that existed to ensure Christians didn’t have to interact with Jews. You know, the ones we got rid of with the 1964 Civil Rights Act?

    The law only got rid of the businesses. Even now, you’re still allowed to have a private club that bans the Spics, Micks, Wops, Kikes, and Attractive and Successful African Americans; see 42 USC § 2000a(e).

  • brucegee1962

    To me, that analogy almost sounds as if they’re getting ready to abandon Fort Anti-gay-marriage, and fall back to the At-least-we-shouldn’t-have-to-serve-them Redoubt.

    After all, the clear logical end to his analogy is “I don’t want to marry a dude, but if my neighbor wants to, that’s ok.” It’s as if he’s connected all the dots, but simply can’t realize that he’s drawn the puppy.

  • eric

    Americans don’t really care what Huckabee thinks about beer, same sex marriage, bacon wrapped shrimp, etc., at least as a President. We have serious problems in the USA that impact everyone. The economy has been creeping along for years, good jobs are scarce, economic inequality has been increasing for 45 years, and there is always the perennial terrorist problems somewhere in the world.

    And that’s why the GOP candidates love to keep their talk laser-like focused on the economy.

    I say that tongue-in-cheek, of course, but I predict it will somewhat come true: the closer we get to November 2016, the less you’ll hear them talk about SSM, abortion, civil rights, and probably health care.

  • Larry

    Or asking a Muslim to serve up something that is offensive to him or to have dogs in his backyard

    Dogs in his backyard? WTF? Is that a new RWNJ metaphor for something else?

  • raven

    And that’s why the GOP candidates love to keep their talk laser-like focused on the economy.

    That could be a problem for them which is why they love to go on about social issues.

    They don’t really have an economic program. It’s always cut taxes and let the magic of Supply Side economics work. And deficits are bad and the National debt is too high.

    Taxes are already lower than they were during Reagan. And the Bush tax cuts produced those deficits and raised the National debt sky high.

    I tried to analyze the Romney./Ryan economic plan. There wasn’t one. Ryan was going to cut taxes, close loopholes and balance the budget. Which is simply impossible.

  • sinned34

    Huckabee doesn’t drink alcohol? Well, at least the biggest supposed reason people voted for GWB “He’s the kind of guy I’d like to drink a beer with” won’t apply to Huckabee. “He’s the kind of guy I’d like share a diet Sprite with” just doesn’t have the same cachet.

  • http://noadi.etsy.com Noadi

    Dogs in his backyard? WTF? Is that a new RWNJ metaphor for something else?

    It’s a complete misunderstanding of the fact that some schools of Islam (however not all) believe that dogs are unclean. Some Muslims do avoid direct contact with dogs however most do not and the backyard would actually be where many would keep dogs, there is a long tradition of breeding working dogs in majority Muslim countries as well. it would be in the house that dogs would not be permitted.

  • tubi

    abbw @7:

    The law only got rid of the businesses. Even now, you’re still allowed to have a private club that bans the Spics, Micks, Wops, Kikes, and Attractive and Successful African Americans; see 42 USC § 2000a(e).

    You mean like Augusta National? They had to relax their bans on Asian-Americans when Tiger Woods turned out to be a pretty good golfer, but as far as I know, they still won’t let dames join.

  • Akira MacKenzie

    eric @ 9

    And that’s why the GOP candidates love to keep their talk laser-like focused on the economy.

    Ah, but they are. America’s supposed economic doldrums are do to God’s displeasure with our decaying moral values. If we just ban abortion, stone the queers, and get evil-ution out of the schools, then God will rain mansions, Gulfstreams, and high-yield stock portfolios on us all*!

    *Offer only valid for white, male, cis-gendered, heterosexual Christians.

  • Akira MacKenzie

    Edit: …are due to…

  • moarscienceplz

    70 and in some cases 80 percent of a state’s population have affirmed natural law marriage

    Yes! We must stand with Mother Nature to keep out icky gay people! What’s that? We need to have carbon emission limits to help return our climate to a more natural condition? Whoa, whoa, whoa! Let’s not be hasty!

  • raven

    Huckabee doesn’t drink alcohol?

    That is a Southern Baptist thing. They aren’t supposed to drink alcohol.

    Not sure how well that rule is followed though. Southern Baptist territory is known for its dry counties and moonshiners.

  • vereverum

    “I don’t drink alcohol, but, gosh, a lot of my friends — maybe most of them — do,”

    gosh? ….. gosh?….. it’s a euphemism;

    the huckster needs to refresh himself on the third commandment.

    Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain. (Exo 20:7)

  • lorn

    “I don’t drink alcohol” …

    I don’t drink either but I think I would like you better if you did.

    If a business defines itself as baking wedding cakes it really shouldn’t matter what the details might be. Except for the figures at the top I’m not sure how a wedding cake for a gay wedding would be any different than a wedding cake for a heterosexual wedding. Perhaps they could provide a generic, all-purpose, wedding cake and let the customer provide the $2 figures.

    I once lived next door to a woman that had a marriage ceremony for her dogs. Odd, but cute and all done in good fun. She had appropriate wedding attire, tux and flowing white dress, and a cake. I’ll give you odds that the bakery involved would go along with a joke wedding cake for dogs, as long as it was done quietly. But that is the point.

    The purpose of the bakery saying no was to get the issue news coverage and get it into the courts. Simple, straight forward and easy accommodations, like providing a wedding cake without figures, were not provided because it would largely eliminate the issue as a legal precedent and political talking point.

  • Synfandel

    …see if you can parse this Sarah Palin-like word salad…

    I’m still trying to parse the title, “Dear Mike Huckabee: Dude, Do You Even Analogy?” I don’t think you can verb that noun.

  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    Huckabee’s analogies are like Hitler at an ice rink.

  • abb3w

    @14, tubi

    You mean like Augusta National?

    Probably one of the better known examples, yes.

    Of course, even though under the CRA they’re still as legal as picking your nose in public, they’re increasingly becoming even less socially acceptable.

  • caseloweraz

    Raven: Huckabee is doing what Rick Satanorum did.

    Imploding his supposed campaign.

    It’s all right. A couple of days ago he ended his campaign, declaring in his awesomeness that he would step aside to allow other leaders a chance to run.

  • sinned34

    That is a Southern Baptist thing. They aren’t supposed to drink alcohol.

    This despite the fact that their deity created alcohol through magic. And it was declared to be the best wine at that wedding. Ahh, religion is fun. It’s the Rorschach test for the masses.

  • eric

    Except for the figures at the top I’m not sure how a wedding cake for a gay wedding would be any different than a wedding cake for a heterosexual wedding

    You add 3 extra tsp. of sugar and 4 extra tsp. of satan.

  • D. C. Sessions

    Not sure how well that rule is followed though. Southern Baptist territory is known for its dry counties and moonshiners.

    Not to mention “abstinence only” and out-of-wedlock pregnancy. And let’s not get started on incest …

    Oh, and I almost forgot: and hypocrisy.

  • http://denkeensechtna.blogspot.com Deen

    I would like think there’s room in America for people to have different points of view without screaming, shouting, wanting to shut their business down.”…

    Except that it’s you who’s trying to ban things. Remember?

  • my2cents

    I just find it funny that he did this interview on Sunday. You know because the bible mentions observing the sabbath dozens of times very explicitly and is a commandment. On the other hand the bible only mentions homosexuality a handful of times and most of those are extremely vague and it’s not a commandment.

  • marcus

    my2cents @ 29 It’s alright, he was preaching the gospel of his great bigot sky-daddy.

  • dan4

    @19 Uh, I think Huckabee used the word “gosh” precisely BECAUSE using “God” instead would have violated the Third Commandment.

  • comfychair

    I’m a bit skeptical that Herr Huckabee would support non-hypothetical Muslims refusing to do certain parts of their jobs because of religious objections.

  • dingojack

    “I don’t drink alcohol, but, gosh, a lot of my friends — maybe most of them — do…”

    And since you think, presumably, that beer-drinking is so ‘gosh-darn’ icky you’ll revive Prohibition, right Mikey? To ‘H, E, double hockey-sticks’ with what those black-robed ‘tyrants’ think (or anyone else for that matter). @@

    Dingo

    ———

    Eric #26 – “You add 3 extra tsp. of sugar and 4 extra tsp. of satan.” Isn’t that the Southern Baptist recipe for extra strength beer?

  • Crimson Clupeidae

    moarscienceplz @17:

    “Natural Law” is a dogwhistle for “what the bible says marriage is” (or more accurately, “how I want to interpret the bible”). It has nothing to do with nature at all.

    Synfandel : Know your memes