Keyes: America to Dissolve Due to Same-Sex Marriage

Wingnut extraordinaire Alan Keyes has another of his bizarre, ranting columns about the evils of same-sex marriage. Like most bigots (this is the guy who disowned his daughter when she came out as lesbian), he thinks letting gay people get married will destroy everything good in the world — including America itself. And as always, the circuitous route he takes to get there is downright dizzying.

This observation is not only directly relevant to any Constitutional judgment, it is, by the plain language of the Constitution itself, unmistakably conclusive. For the 9th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution plainly states that “The enumeration in the Constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.” This language may or may not apply to certain rights under human law (like, for example, the “right” to own slaves in Virginia at the time the Constitution was adopted) but it certainly applies to any and all “unalienable” rights, since they are an aspect of natural law without which the “human” in “human law” would have no distinctive significance.

The way in which this bears upon the issue of so-called “homosexual marriage” is plainly obvious. Whatever else it may or may not be, homosexuality is not an activity inseparable from the concept of humanity itself. On the other hand, marriage between a man and a woman (especially in the true and natural sense of the union of their identities in the child conceived by their commingled information) is not only necessary for the existence of particular human individuals, it is also and especially necessary for preserving the existence of humanity as such.

Uh, yeah. Because if gay people are allowed to get married, straight people will suddenly stop getting married and stop having children and the very existence of humanity will go up in smoke. Totally rational statement.

This is the main reason the civil institution of marriage exists in the first place. These days people pretend that serving the good of the whole (.e.g, environmental stewardship) and respecting the good of each individual is an either/or proposition. But as endowed by the Creator, the marriage right is the paradigmatic example of just action that serves the whole while care for each individual as a distinctive and particular whole.

But in respect of the premise of unalienable rights, the Constitution makes it plain that this mutual service to humanity takes precedence over subsequent determinations of right in human law.

Whatever this means for the practice of homosexuality without reference to marriage, it certainly means that no humanly fabricated right can be allowed to deny or disparage the unalienable right essential for the natural conception and perpetuation of humanity itself. Such denigration of antecedent unalienable right would not only be unconstitutional, it would explicitly contravene the aim (to secure unalienable rights) for which all governments are instituted in the first place.

This would be an attack on the people of the United States more grievous than that which led the first generation of Americans to declare their independence from Great Britain. If even a significant minority of Americans continue in their attachment to the unalienable right of liberty (as opposed to the licentious freedom that has, in some quarters usurped that name) this attack is likely to produce the separation and dissolution of the United States, for like humanity itself the United States is inconceivable apart from respect for God-endowed unalienable right.

Let me tell you what will actually happen as a result of same-sex marriage, Alan: Some gay people will get married. That’s it. And when none of these calamitous results come true, the minority of people still freaking out about it will just move on with their lives, with the exception of a handful of serious, hardcore bigots like yourself. But you will then be completely discredited and the only people who will take you seriously are your fellow bigots. And then I’ll point and laugh at you.

"Hey, I'm bummed out. Those two lezzies near the end were gonna lock lips but ..."

Bakker Declares Victory in Mythical War ..."

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!


What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • robnyny

    Someone please take that man’s thesaurus away from him.

  • wreck

    Alan Keyes: Trying to sound like stupid people think smart people sound. And failing miserably at that. This load of crap makes as much sense as a typical Charles Manson rant.

  • http://howlandbolton.com richardelguru

    “But as endowed by the Creator, the marriage right ”

    You mean like Adam and his transsexual mate (Eve) were not described as getting married in the Wholly Bubble??

  • John Pieret

    for like humanity itself the United States is inconceivable apart from respect for God-endowed unalienable right

    And, of course, the only way to protect that right is to deny it to some people, based on [mumble, mumble].

  • reddiaperbaby1942

    This word salad is actually worse than anything perpetrated by Ms. Palin. And I didn’t think that was possible, outside of clinically diagnosed mental illness.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    On the other hand, marriage between a man and a woman (especially in the true and natural sense of the union of their identities in the child conceived by their commingled information) is not only necessary for the existence of particular human individuals, it is also and especially necessary for preserving the existence of humanity as such.

    Well, thank goodness my parents got married. Who knows what would’ve happened to my commingled information if they hadn’t! Kudos for saving me and mankind, mom and dad!

  • http://drx.typepad.com Dr X

    “Alan Keyes: Trying to sound like stupid people think smart people sound. ”

    Exactly what came to mind as I read that.

  • Sastra

    “…the United States is inconceivable apart from respect for God-endowed unalienable right.”

    This entire word salad could be reduced to two (stupid) points:

    1.) If sex organs are used to reproduce then that’s what they’re MEANT to do.

    2.) “Rights” are permits granted by divine authority.

  • raven

    Keyes: America to Dissolve Due to Same-Sex Marriage

    1. Well that was easy. Doesn’t look like the USA was very stable if that is all it took.

    2. Although, it could be that gays are superhumans and can destroy the world’s last superpower with a kiss.

    3. Well, so what. Who is going to miss Alan Keyne’s tottering superpower? While Alan Keyne’s America dies, the America the other 319 million people live in will still be around.

  • eric

    Hmmm, so let me parse this.

    1. Sex = hetero marriage

    2. Having kids = super duper hetero marriage

    3. SSM = demeaning or denouncing hetero marriage.

    4. …

    5. Therefore, SSM leads to no heteros having sex or kids and America will collapse.

    I am baffled why they keep losing in court with such an argument.

  • http://www.aquaticape.org anthrosciguy

    I’m a little more of a patriot than Mr. Keyes. I see my country didn’t dissolve over slavery (despite a strong attempt to get it to do so) and it didn’t dissolve over lynchings, or segregation, or a lot of other nastiness. Now personally I don’t agree with Mr. Keyes about gay marriage — I think it’s about time — but even if it were bad I don’t see it managing to dissolve this country any more than the things I mentioned above, which I would hope Mr. Keyes would agree were pretty doggone bad. I just believe in my country more than Mr. Keyes does.

  • raven

    OF course this is stupid.

    SSM is legal in some states and many foreign countries. And they haven’t dissolved or been destroyed by giant lightning bolts from heaven or whatever. It’s almost like, the fundie god didn’t even notice or he is asleep or dead.

    If being god’s chosen people in the USA means we are the only one that gets destroyed, what good is being the counry god likes best? Then again, when Israel was the chosen ones, look what happened to them. They got overrun many times and disappeared for almost 2,000 years. Being god’s chosen people is way overrated.

  • wreck

    @ robnyny #1:

    “Someone please take that man’s thesaurus away from him.”

    It’s too late. He’s already committed a felonious assault on the english language.

  • theguy

    As far as I could guess from the religio-babble above, gay people getting married prevents procreation. Never mind that most straight people are still going to have baybeez* and aren’t going to turn gay (since sexual orientation is not a matter of willpower). Never mind that there are alternate forms of procreation (artificial insemination).**

    Reading the screed over again, it seems that he’s arguing that humanity as a whole has a right to ensure that there will be a future generation, and this trumps an individual person’s right to marry who they want or procreate how they want. I guess it’s consistent with the Repub’s forced-birth and anti-rape-victims policy, but the implications are horrific.

    I think that if, hypothetically, there was to be no future generation, there wouldn’t be obligations to future people, as they would then be fictional people. One might talk about “potential persons” but then they shouldn’t condemn artificial insemination or other such techniques, and they shouldn’t pretend that gay people are going to magically turn straight and pump out lots of baybeez.

    *Spelling intentional

    **Apparently only “natural” procreation counts for some reason. If the goal is to create more people, this doesn’t make any sense.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    raven “Being god’s chosen people is way overrated.”

    To be fair, the Chosen do get the warm feeling of knowing they’re better than other people. Plus they get a card for half off appetizers (before 8 pm. Exempt Sat & Sun).

  • Loqi

    How the hell did he get that from the 9th Amendment?

  • cptdoom

    Some gay people will get married.

    Yeah, like his lesbian daughter, according to Wikipedia. I’m guessing Alan wasn’t there to walk her down the aisle. Putz.

  • ed440

    But as endowed by the Creator … I usually stop listening to someone’s argument right there. There are two reasons people are against same-sex marriage. “I don’t like it” and “God said it’s bad.” Neither is a valid legal reason to deny anyone equal rights.

  • moarscienceplz

    And when none of these calamitous results come true, the minority of people still freaking out about it will just move on with their lives, with the exception of a handful of serious, hardcore bigots like yourself. But you will then be completely discredited and the only people who will take you seriously are your fellow bigots. And then I’ll point and laugh at you.

    Not at all. When 95% of the public are no longer bothered by SSM, Keyes and his ilk will declare, “We’ve always been at war with Eastasia supporters of Gay Rights”, and pivot to some new enemy to fear and loathe, possibly witches.

  • Sastra

    Keyes’ argument that America will “dissolve” if gay people are allowed to marry is suspiciously similar to the claim that, without God, there is no love, no life, no hope, no meaning, and no right or wrong. There is only an empty nihilistic void where chaos and cruelty entangle with misery and madness and there is much weeping and gnashing of teeth.

    Oh, wait — it’s the same argument.

  • Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    they are an aspect of natural law without which the “human” in “human law” would have no distinctive significance.

    Um, yeah. That’s not tautological at all. “Without natural law, using any descriptor to identify a law as not part of natural law would be redundant! Ipso facto! Fiat opsequium ruat caelum! Res ipsa electrocutor your ass for all eternity!

    Unless, of course, there’s some species other than humans making laws with which Keyes is familiar.

    Yeah.

  • Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    @ Rischarre of the Guru, #3:

    You mean like Adam and his transsexual mate …

    Yeah, let’s not and say we didn’t.

    =================

    @ Sastra, #8:

    In re your curiosity regarding Keyes’ phrase,

    … the United States is inconceivable apart from respect for God-endowed unalienable right.”

    it should be noted that Yahweh’s (a-hem!) endowment makes it possible to conceive all sorts of absurdities.

  • marcus

    MO @ 15 “To be fair, the Chosen do get the warm feeling of knowing they’re better than other people. Plus they get a card for half off appetizers (before 8 pm. Exempt Sat & Sun).”

    The shrimp are delicious!

  • scienceavenger

    The way in which this bears upon the issue of so-called “homosexual marriage” is plainly obvious.

    Um…It is?

    Whatever else it may or may not be, homosexuality is not an activity inseparable from the concept of humanity itself.

    Homosexuality is not an activity, period. Back to beginner sociology with you.

    On the other hand, marriage between a man and a woman [babble babble babble] is not only necessary for the existence of particular human individuals, it is also and especially necessary for preserving the existence of humanity as such.

    It is remarkable that someone who rails against out-of-wedlock births could make this claim. “Necessary” must mean something else in his world.

    Because if gay people are allowed to get married, straight people will suddenly stop getting married and stop having children …

    You know, back when drug legalization was a fringe position, one common criticism was that use would increase. The best retort was to ask the person if they, personally, were going to start using drugs if they became illegal, and if not, why did they think anyone else was any different. This goes well here. Is Keyes going to get divorced and/or refuse to have children as a result of legal SSM? If not, then what makes him such a special snowflake, aside from the unique dictionary that is.

  • Numenaster

    For someone who makes such a fetish of worshipping the words of the Constitution, it’s amusing that Alan Keyes forgot that the term “unalienable” doesn’t appear in it. It DOES appear in the Declaration of Independence, however. Which isn’t actually US law at all.

  • howardhershey

    It wasn’t Adam and his transexual Eve. It was Adam and his property, Eve, which property was given to him by her father (or the closest thing to it). After all, isn’t that what Biblical marriage is?

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    isn’t that what Biblical marriage is?

    Except for the ones like Abraham’s. and David’s.

  • Michael Heath

    Numenaster writes:

    For someone who makes such a fetish of worshipping the words of the Constitution, it’s amusing that Alan Keyes forgot that the term “unalienable” doesn’t appear in it. It DOES appear in the Declaration of Independence, however. Which isn’t actually US law at all.

    Alan Keyes doesn’t claim ‘unalienable’ appears in the U.S. Constitution. Instead he asserts the 9th Amendment is referencing such rights. On that point he is correct, where the Constitutional framers favored using the term ‘immunities’ instead.

    You can’t read the U.S. Constitution and reconcile that to federal court rulings while claiming our rights are not inalienable (the DofI term). Keyes’ defect is not on this matter, but instead:

    a) his false claim that Christian authorities get to determine which rights exist and don’t exist and,

    b) that his interpretation of Christian dogma has supremacy over the U.S. Constitution.

    Not even the federal courts attempt to parse the existence or non-existence of rights. Instead the courts determine whether the government has a constitutionally delegated authority to infringe upon a right, or an obligation to instead protect the exercise of a right.

  • felidae

    Our country will be destroyed because gays will get married and not reproduce but we can’t let those filthy Mexicans in so that our population will grow, because, you know, that would be Un-American–makes sense to me!

  • http://drx.typepad.com Dr X

    My favorite Keyes moment, from his Illinois Senate campaign, the one in which Barack Obama kicked the living snot out of him.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZgdkykWmyA

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    scienceavenger “Homosexuality is not an activity, period.”

    Not even in college?

  • Sastra

    @Dr. X #30:

    I don’t think that’s the right link. You made me listen to Alan Keyes singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” I hadn’t known he was a friend of Dorothy.

    No Obama.