A Hilarious Dave Daubenmire Rant

“Coach” Dave Daubenmire filled in as the host of Linda Harvey’s radio show, which is a giant step sideways if ever there was one. Both are about equally unhinged in their bigotry toward gay people. Daubenmire went on a hilarious rant about Satan’s “homosexual mafia” that wants to “crush your skull.”

“My crime was I am bold enough to say — as Linda Harvey is — bold enough to say that homosexuality is sin, homosexuality is a deviant lifestyle, homosexuality is destroying the culture,” Daubenmire said. “I was bold enough to stand up and say that and let me tell you something: Satan’s got himself a church, he’s got a church for sure and they don’t back up and they don’t back down and they don’t give a quarter and they don’t stop until they crush your skull. It’s supposed to be the other way around, isn’t it? Isn’t the seed of the woman supposed to crush the skull of the serpent? Why does this battle seem to be going the other way so much? What’s going on folks?”

He said that the “gates of hell” are now prevailing in America: “The Devil seems to be capturing turf that does not belong to him. Marriage used to be the bailiwick, the property, the ownership of the church, it used to belong to the church and we’ve yielded it to the homosexual mafia, the gay lobby in the interest of being fair…when did one’s sin get the right to fairness over others?”

Religio-babble bigotry. Perfect.

[soundcloud url=”https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/190311685″ params=”color=ff5500″ width=”100%” height=”166″ iframe=”true” /]

POPULAR AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • http://Reallyawakeguy.blogspot.com somnus

    Marriage is a family institution. It was never “owned” by the church, as hard as they try to claim it is.

  • scienceavenger

    I’ll bet if you play it backwards, you get “Stairway to Heaven”.

  • grumpyoldfart

    The sad thing is that tens of millions of Americans agree with every word he says – and another ten million are even sillier than that!

  • Larry

    Homosexual Mafia? I hear the Discovery Channel has a new reality show in the works for them.

  • raven

    Marriage used to be the bailiwick, the property, the ownership of the church, it used to belong to the church …

    That has never been true.

    Atheists and nonxians have been getting married since before xianity was invented. Even commies got married when there were commies.

  • jufulu

    Coach, that’s an insane story bro. Have ever told you what I figured out when I dropped acid in the 70s.

  • bmiller

    Sounds like a really lame hair metal band. Satan’s Mafia.

    But seriously…this War with the Devil stuff does not even make sense within the context of their own religion. Yahweh is ALL POWERFUL, ALL KNOWING, ALL GOOD. I see these tools as narcissistic fools who are persuading themselves that they need to help The Three Omnis in his war with the devil.

    EVERYTHING is supposed to be according to God’s Plan. He doesn’t need some fired tool of a coach. He doesn;t need an insane Cindy Jacobs sprinkling holy water and praying ostentatiously for “victory”. According to their own religion, they are wrong.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    I remember when the gay mafia tried to extort me. I refused. Then they got me, in a drive-by glittering. I spent over a month in the hospital recuperating. My hip still sparkles before it rains.

  • Subtract Hominem, the Renegade Misandroid

    Satan’s Church coming to crush skulls? Employing a homosexual mafia? Hmmm I don’t remember any of that in the black metal song, and those guys seem like a more reliable source than some guy who has to sub in on other people’s radio shows because he can’t even hold down a job as a football coach.

    Human sacrifice and stars going dark, sure, but let’s not get carried away here.

  • brucegee1962

    “They don’t give a quarter”? Did he really say that — using “quarter” as a synonym for “very little” as in “I don’t give a toss?”

    One of the easiest ways of recognizing these types is their lack of intellectual curiosity, as in hearing a word and assuming they understand what it means in a particular context, even when they don’t.

  • cptdoom

    Weren’t we Catholics supposed to be Satan’s church back in the day? Has he changed churches now? And who converted him?

  • dingojack

    ‘Homosexual Mafia’?

    What do they say:

    ‘You’ve got absolutely fabulous little boutique here (I love what you’re doing with that gingham chintz, très , très chic, darling!), but you wouldn’t want anyone to hang acid-wash floor-length curtains now, would you?’

    @@

    Dingo

  • dingojack

    Yep satan’s minions can’t even be bothered to give 25%. So hard to get good help these days, I blame the wages…

    Dingo

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    brucegee1962, back when I was a soldier, we were told to give the enemy no quarters. They had to sleep outside. War is Hell.

  • barry21

    If homosexuality is an attack on conservative Christian culture, I may have to rethink my own orientation.

  • busterggi

    “Isn’t the seed of the woman supposed to crush the skull of the serpent?”

    Apparently the ideal Christian woman is a pre-op tgirl.

  • wreck

    “Why does this battle seem to be going the other way so much? What’s going on folks?”

    Simply put, Dave, you’re fucking wrong! You’re defending the position of hatred and bigotry and people are realizing what miserable douchebags you and the rest of your bunch of mouth breathing troglodytes are. Get it?

  • dugglebogey

    If marriage is the “property of the church” then why aren’t the protesting atheists getting married? I’m an atheist and I’m married. Where was Judge Roy Moore when I got married? What about Buddhist weddings? Does the church have a reciprocity agreement with other religions?

  • dugglebogey

    Also, what about all these other sins that they don’t try to prosecute by law?

    Why aren’t they going after folks who wear gold? How about people wearing poly cotton blends? No prosecution for adultery either. That’s in the TOP 10!

    Why just going after gay people? With Coach Dave I don’t think we need Freud to figure out why he’s so obsessed with homosexuals. If it’s all you think about….well…

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    dugglebogey “Why just going after gay people? With Coach Dave I don’t think we need Freud to figure out why he’s so obsessed with homosexuals. If it’s all you think about….well…”

    To be fair, hot man-on-man gayhomo mansex is pretty appealing. I remember, back when I set up a devil’s three-way and kicked the wife out of bed. Boy, was she pissed!

    I’ve said too much.

  • Lady Mondegreen

    ‘Homosexual Mafia’?

    What do they say:

    ‘You’ve got absolutely fabulous little boutique here…but you wouldn’t want anyone to hang acid-wash floor-length curtains now, would you?’

    Just pray you don’t piss them off and wake up in bed next to a pair of bermuda shorts. Plaid.

  • caseloweraz

    Daubenmire: “I was bold enough to stand up and say that and let me tell you something: Satan’s got himself a church, he’s got a church for sure and they don’t back up and they don’t back down and they don’t give a quarter and they don’t stop until they crush your skull.”

    Satan’s got himself a church, he’s got a church for sure;

    The atheists have got one too, where Christ they do abjure.

    You get the Devil and the atheists, they’ll crush your skull down.

    Today they got Dave Daubenmire, they made him non-profound.

    He cried, “Je-sus! Ain’t there nothing we can do?

    Jeeee-sus, we haven’t got a clue.”

    Ref:

    Brother bought a coconut, he bought it for a dime

    His sister had another one, she paid it for the lime…

  • dingojack

    MO – What, you couldn’t give the enemy change? (Were you allowed to ‘drop a dime’ on them?)

    😉 Dingo

  • theguy

    “they don’t stop until they crush your skull.”

    It’s really the fundies in Russia and other places crushing gay people’s skulls. Daubenshit’s friends, no doubt.

    ” It’s supposed to be the other way around, isn’t it?”

    I’m not sure what he’s trying to say here, but I initially read this as an endorsement of anti-gay hate crimes. (Honest question) Is that what he’s trying to say?

    “when did one’s sin get the right to fairness over others?”

    I’m not even sure what the fuck this means. The First Amendment gives us the freedom to blaspheme and disbelieve, so I’d say circa 1791.

  • Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    Yeah, I noticed that in his religio-babble he said one thing very carefully and very clearly:

    Silence is consent!

    Damn that rapist-protecting nonsense all to hell.

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    @bmiller

    it makes perfect sense in their religion. God, for reasons that we don’t know, and cannot know, allows bad things to happen. He has a “plan” that is incomprehensible to us mere mortals. My hypothesis is that it’s similar to when you play a board game and adopt a variation that makes it harder to win, because it makes it more interesting. God is bored so he deliberately limits himself and lets Satan do his thing, just to make the game more interesting. Yes, God is a sociopathic gamer who likes to throw the Risk board around when things don’t go well. And doesn’t give a shit what happens to the pieces when he does it.

  • tamott55

    Authorities found pedophile movies and pictures on the FAMILY COMPUTER OF COACH DAVE Daubenmire!!! When Coach Dave talks about the “pedophiles are coming” he is talking about his pedophile son coming home for the holidays.

    ..http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/1791954/posts Coach Dave’s son is a registered sex offender! Lets see, in 2013 coach Dave was fired from Fairfield Christian Academy, yes a christian school. In 2014 coach Dave was rejected to coach at a Ohio public school, Lakewood high school in Licking county Ohio (his home town).

  • tamott55

    The coach has taken a lot of shots to the head over the years. What are you going to do coach have your pedophile son sue me?? Is your pedophile son part of your legal team to save Kent? When coach dave talks about the “pedophiles are coming” he is talking about his pedophile son coming home for the holidays. Like father like son.