Pat Robertson Dreams of Zombie Ronald Reagan

The absurd and wildly inaccurate worship of Ronald Reagan by the Christian right seems to know no bounds whatsoever. After Regent University recently hosted an event honoring Reagan, Pat Robertson said on the 700 Club that he wished he would rise from the grave to lead the country again.

The report deeply touched Robertson, who said, “I wish Reagan would rise from the dead and come back.”

“He believed in America, he believed in fundamental values and he wasn’t ashamed to enunciate them,” Robertson continued. “The current president does not believe in America, he does not believe in the fundamental values, he was raised in a different environment entirely and his mentors have been leftists who don’t really love this country.”

I’m pretty sure Reagan did rise from the grave, three days after he died. Then he ascended into the conservative imagination as a new creature, cleansed of all sin and policy preferences that they don’t like, sanctified by the blood of the Tea Party and ready to be invoked to support everything the right wing does even if, in real life, he supported exactly the opposite.

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  • sugarfrosted

    There will be a new religion with Reagan as one of its prophets in the near future. I’m sure of it.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Reagan did rise, was lifted up to Heaven, and there He funded anti-Communist freedom fighters with money made selling missiles to Hell, forever and ever amen.

  • John Pieret

    If he does come back, will he suck blood or eat brains? If the latter he’ll starve to death (again!) among his admirers.

  • http://kamakanui.zenfolio.com Kamaka

    The Crypt Keeper™ doing a little grave-robbing…sounds about right.

  • theguy

    ““He believed in America [taking a shit on America], he believed in fundamental values [sending money to right-wing Contras who then murdered nuns] and he wasn’t ashamed to enunciate them,” [lie shamelessly like Robertshit]

    “The current president does not believe in America [drooling right-wing fantasies about murdering and raping anyone who doesn’t believe in God*] he does not believe in the fundamental values [right-wing filth] he was raised in a different environment entirely and his mentors have been leftists [better people than Robertshit] who don’t really love this country.” [the right-wing trash destroying America]

    *Apparently, according to Robertshit, if you don’t believe in eternal hell, you can’t criticize people for murdering and raping your family. What I object to is not punishment in the afterlife, but infinite punishment for finite sins. Anyway, since Robertshit is fine with adult men marrying teenage girls (that’s statutory) he should really keep his sick disgusting perversions to himself.

  • khms

    If Reagan came back today with the same ideas about politics he had when he was still capable of having those things, would he be a RINO … or a left-wing Democrat? How much has politics moved to the right since then?

  • dmcclean

    @theguy,

    You do realize that Pat Robertson and Phil Robertson aren’t the same person, right?

  • Michael Heath

    khms writes:

    If Reagan came back today with the same ideas about politics he had when he was still capable of having those things, would he be a RINO … or a left-wing Democrat? How much has politics moved to the right since then?

    I do think it’s useful to point to current policy positions supported by conservatives who treat President Reagan as a demi-god; where Mr. Reagan’s policies were instead moderate to liberal.

    However I don’t think we can pull historical figures out of the past and claim they’d take the same positions today. We are after all creatures of our own time. Instead I’d look at their approach to thinking and behaving. So from this perspective I’m quite confident President Reagan politics today would be little different than conservatives such as Congressional leaders like Mitch McConnell or John Boehner. Reagan was certainly no iconoclast.

    Probably the most maligned in this regard is Thomas Jefferson. Yes he was a theist and a Christian. But the enlightened approach Jefferson took to seeking objective truth in an environment that had little empirical knowledge and a very undeveloped scientific method, combined with the knowledge we now have coupled to far better developed methods of seeking what is real . . . Well that has me confident the conservative Christians who point to Jefferson’s beliefs to defend their own today only illustrate their ignorance and fatally defective approach to thinking critically.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1399822355 markmckee

    RR badly damaged the middle class and greatly strengthened the elite classes. Presumably, Robertson wants him to finish what he started.

  • llewelly

    I think Reagan’s politics on gay rights and abortion would fit right into today’s Republican party.

    Sure, lots of his fiscal policies were similar to Obama’s, but that’s not the whole of politics.

  • matty1

    Personally I think it more likely that Pat Robertson rose from the dead

  • colnago80

    Probably the most maligned in this regard is Thomas Jefferson. Yes he was a theist and a Christian.

    Jefferson was certainly a theist but he was a believing Christian only in the fertile fantasies of Michael Heath. Just to repeat, Jefferson rejected the Virgin Birth, the divinity of Yeshua bin Yusef of Nazareth, the miracle stories in the Hebrew and Christian scriptures, and the Resurrection. He was an Arian with views on Yeshua much closer to Islam then to Christianity.

  • busterggi

    Judging on St. Ronnie’s history of dealing with Iran he’d end their nuclear program by selling them nukes.

  • http://polrant@blogspot.com democommie

    “Pat Robertson Dreams of Zombie Ronald Reagan”

    I hope he had an adequate supply of disinfectant wipes.

  • theguy

    @#7

    “You do realize that Pat Robertson and Phil Robertson aren’t the same person, right?”

    Ah, shit. Sorry (to you, not to either Robertson). I had read something else about that duck guy and got the two confused. They’re both still assholes, though.

  • http://www.gregory-gadow.net Gregory in Seattle

    Not surprising, given how Pat has based his entire revenue stream on worshiping a lich (a powerful wizard who engineers his own death so as to rise to eternal life even more powerful than before.)

  • lorn

    RR was raised from the dead after being washed in the blood of the right-wing media.

    It is almost as if sins such as: cutting and running in Lebanon, selling antitank and anti-aircraft missiles to Iran in contradiction of an arms embargo, illegally financing the Contras by allowing drugs to be sold (also a crime), raising taxes, massively over-funding the military, taking credit for the collapse of the USSR when it was underway long before he got into office, the unnecessary and illegal invasions of Panama and Grenada, failure to follow through on arms control, failure to apply both carrot and stick to Yasser Arafat to accept a two state solution in ’82’ when he was at his weakest, repeatedly lying about “welfare Queens”, selling out working people by gutting protections of labor and unions, blowing up the deficit by cutting taxes on the rich and while expanding the federal government (while claiming to do the opposite) …

    It is almost as if those things never happened. I watched it all go down and, if you try really hard, you can still identify the tracks, as long as you avoid that right-wing media.

  • dingojack

    If Ronnie Ray-gun managed, after eleven years, to heave himself free of the mouldering earth, no doubt he’d croak — ‘Brainz!’*

    :) Dingo

    ————

    * ‘Moar Brainz’, in his case, would entail a grossly presumptuous assumption.

  • yoav

    Does a zombie qualify as natural born?