Louis Gohmert Crushes My Hopes

On Thursday, Louis Gohmert got my hopes up and then crushed them in his bare hand while cackling to himself. First he said that he wasn’t going to endorse Ted Cruz yet because he was thinking about running for president himself. Then a few hours later, his spokesperson said he was just joking.

For one fleeting moment, it appeared that Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert was thinking about running for the White House. Not so.

Asked Thursday if he would endorse U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz’s presidential run, the Tyler Republican opined to a Capitol Hill newspaper that he was mulling a presidential exploratory committee himself.

“Ted is a good friend and would be an outstanding president; however, I haven’t ruled out an exploratory committee myself,” Gohmert told The Hill, which posted the comment, triggering massive tremors along media/political fault lines.

An aide later clarified that Gohmert, an elected official with a solid reputation for saying the improbable, and often meaning it, was kidding.

“Washington D.C. contains too many who do not recognize statements made with a figurative tongue in cheek, sometimes known as being ironic,” said an email from Gohmert’s office.

Look Louis, I know we’ve had our differences. I know you probably don’t like me. But it’s just cruel to get me all excited about you running for president and then say it was all a joke. I was already imagining all the stupid shit you would say on the campaign trail. You can’t do that to me. I’m getting old and frail and I don’t think my heart can take it.

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  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    Besides, the more republican clowns that run, the more the economy will be stimulated and the more money will be pulled from the sweaty hands of the Koch Bros and other plutocratic donors. The more the right wing can air its “ideas” the more skeptics and atheists they will create in the younger generation. Also, it would be a great boon for comedy and perhaps the US would be seen as less-threatening stumblebums instead of threatening imperialist stumblebums. I think it’s a win all around.

  • skylanetc

    There. there, Ed: you still have Cruz. And just to cheer you up more: you still have Ted’s dad.

    There will be plenty of crazy to get you through the primary process (and it’s not like Louie is going to zip it, anyway).

  • Reginald Selkirk

    “his spokesperson”

    That’s got to be a tough job, explaining all that crazy.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1246980039 caseyboucher

    Louis Gohmert running for president would be the best thing to happen to comedy since Kim Kardashian got her first spray tan.

  • StevoR

    Don’t worry Ed I’m sure Louis Gohmert will still keep saying more than enough stupid shit to keep us all well entertained and you well stocked with material for pretty much as long as he lives!

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Gohmert can’t run. He loves America too much to risk splitting and enervating the moron vote, letting Obama sail through to a third term.

  • Loqi

    But it’s just cruel to get me all excited about you running for president and then say it was all a joke.

    It would all be a joke either way.

  • John Pieret

    I was already imagining all the stupid shit you would say on the campaign trail.

    Fortunately, the Republicans have foreseen that possible drought and arranged for a constant supply of stupid shit for the campaign trail.

  • mithrandir

    Gohmert can’t run. He loves America too much to risk splitting and enervating the moron vote, letting Obama sail through to a third term.

    So you’re saying that in this case Gohmert would play the role of Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Blackpool Rock Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable Brrroooo Norman Michael (rings bell) (blows whistle) Edward (sounds car horn) (does train impersonation) (sounds buzzer) Thomas Moo… (sings) ‘We’ll keep a welcome in the…’ (fires gun) William (makes silly noise) ‘Raindrops keep falling on my’ (weird noise) ‘Don’t sleep in the subway’ (cuckoo cuckoo) Naaoooo… Smith?

    No, of course I don’t have that memorized.

    (Almost missed the “Obama third term” gag in there. Nice!)

  • mildlymagnificent

    Does that mean we have to reallocate the seating in the clown car? Again?!?

  • imthegenieicandoanything

    Imagine…

    … a Gohmert/Trump ticket!

    They’d have to run as “Co-President,” though.

    And when they win, this universe will cease to be, torn apart by a laughter beyond all imagining.