Leclaire Prophecies a ‘Tsunami of Perversion’

Jennifer LeClaire, editor of Charisma News and yet another self-declared “prophet,” says that now that the Presbyterian Church USA has endorsed same-sex marriage, America is now going to be pummeled by a “tsunami of perversion.” She presents this as an actual quote from God that she claims she was given:

“A tsunami of perversion and all manner of wicked sin is headed toward this nation. You’ve only yet seen the rumblings of what the enemy has planned. For many in your nation have called good evil and called evil good. Many in this nation have not believed you will reap what you sow.

“You have sown iniquity—for decades—and you have taken the hand of perversion. You have walked in step with abominations rather than resisting the temptations to deny my Word and my Son. The perversion in this land will increase and increase and increase.

“There will come a day when morality is no longer merely relative but is persecuted. There will come a day when evil is considered good and good is considered evil. When that day comes, those who are hidden in the shadow of My wings will be insulated from the abominations around them.

“I will raise up the likes of Abraham and Moses to deliver the righteous out of the hand of the wicked in that day. I will shield those who run into my Name. But no longer look and no longer think that you will turn the tide by your prayers alone. These things must be so. I warn you now to fear not, but to ready your hearts. Buy your oil. Be ready for My coming.”

A tsunami of perversion! Like Sharknado, but with nipple clamps and Astroglide. That doesn’t sound so bad to me.

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  • busterggi

    “Buy your oil. Be ready for My coming.”

    Kinda makes me wonder what god wants us to do with that oil.

  • Mr Ed

    A tsunami of perversion and all manner of wicked sin is headed toward this nation.

    So like Vegas but nation wide, I think we could use the tourism dollars it will bring.

  • alanb

    That can’t be a direct quote from God. Everybody knows that God speaks in Elizabethan English.

  • Larry

    Tsunami of Perversion

    Saw them at the Fillmore in ’69. Why they never became more popular, I’ll never know.

  • raven

    The fundie version of xianity is a perversion. Based on hate, lies, and hypocrisy.

    But thefundie tsunami has already hit and is receding. They’ve gotten ugly enough and silly enough that they are losing members like most other xian groups.

  • Deacon Duncan

    Do you have any idea how hard it is to get nipple clamps onto a shark?

  • matty1

    It is tricky reading this blog on April 1st, all the stories seem like a wind up.

  • John Pieret

    I can’t believe no one has called dibs yet on Tsunami of Perversion as a band name!

  • https://www.facebook.com/stephen.murphy.9469 Stephen Murphy

    Concur with John and Larry above on the theme of this being a great name for a band. Now we just have to wait for Modus’ take on this (have pity on us modusoperandi – we may spit coffee on our monitors if you attain your usual level of commentary excellence)

  • birgerjohansson

    If “tsunami” is related to “bukkake” it could really be pervo-ish. Those japanese have invented some weird porn. And don’t get me started on those “no-pans” diners.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    Fuck, yeah!!! (reacting to the title only)

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    By the way, since I’ve got you here, I’d like to upload 2 neologisms to your vocabularies:

    Shit cyclone

    Catastrofuck (A friend of mine uses Fucktastrophe)

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    Do you have any idea how hard it is to get nipple clamps onto a shark?

    In USSR, shark nipple clamps you.

  • John Pieret

    It would also make a great song title: “Body Surfing on the Tsunami of Perversion.”

  • http://thebronzeblog.wordpress.com/ Bronze Dog

    It still amuses and frustrates me that for all the condemning of “perversion” and “the culture of permissiveness” the fundies do, they tend to be quick to excuse their leaders’ acts of rape and molestation as well as whine about how society’s restrictive mores of fairness and non-discrimination won’t let them do anything, anymore.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Weird how the only kind of “inquity” they seem to care about revolves around other peoples’ genitals. Sure, He made them, but that still doesn’t explain His fascination with crotch. Frankly, I’d figure He’d be a bit bored with them by now.

  • kantalope

    “There will come a day when evil is considered good and good is considered evil.”

    Like when slavery was considered a good and righteous act. When treating people who just want to get married like crap was considered pious. What will we do if this ever comes to pass?

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    “There will come a day when evil is considered good and good is considered evil.”

    Every monday, since prehistory, it’s been that way.

  • brucegee1962

    Since God has now officially said that the pervs are going to take over everything and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop them, does this mean Jennifer LeClaire and her cronies will just go hide in their basements and stop trying to get laws passed that are designed to thwart God’s clearly stated plans?

  • Michael Heath

    God states:

    You have walked in step with abominations rather than resisting the temptations to deny my Word and my Son.

    Dude, you don’t have any moral authority to talk about your son. You raped his mom, tortured and then killed him, and now re-animate him and demand your followers eat his body and drink his blood.

  • daved

    Buy your oil.

    Someone is clearly listening; oil is up 4% today.

  • Chiroptera

    Almost like…Sinado!

  • Artor

    Marcus @12, a friend of mine independently coined the term “shit cyclone” about 12 years ago. He had a bad interaction between alcohol, his meds and a greasy dinner while out camping. The tent had to be thrown away.

  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    “Tsunami of Perversion?” Sounds like a great title for a really bad big-budget porn extravaganza movie, possibly starring just about everyone currently alive in the industry.

    Why do the wackiest porn ideas always seem to come (pardon the pun) from the hard (pardon the pun) right porn-haters?

  • dingojack

    A tsunami of perversion and all manner of wicked sin is headed toward this nation“.

    Well I guess Vegas will be OK then — being so far from the ocean and all..

    Dingo

  • =8)-DX

    Actual statistics of The Tsunami of Perversion™:

      •   Slight decrease in amount of closetted gay sex with heterosexual partners.

      •   Slight increase in the amount of sex between loving married couples.

      •   Increase in spending on wedding cakes, dresses, tuxedos flowers.

      •   No change at all in the plethora of odd and perverted things heterosexuals get up (and down) to in the bedroom. Butts will be touched, penises will be mounted and inserted variously and vaginas and clitorises will experience novelty treatment to the same degree as previously.

    I’m renaming it The Big Gay Splash™ (i.e. not really that big, but much more fabulous!)

  • DonDueed

    “Leclaire Prophecies a ‘Tsunami of Perversion'”

    I agree — her prophecies are a tsunami of perversion.

  • theguy

    “There will come a day when morality is no longer merely relative but is persecuted.”

    So lies and bigotry against gays are now considered morality? To be fair, right-wing Christianity has always been morally relative.

    “There will come a day when evil is considered good and good is considered evil.”

    The fundies call a consenting relationship between adults evil, and they call genocide by the hand of God good. That day arrived long ago for fundamentalist degenerates.

  • Funny Diva

    DonDueed@27

    _especially_ when she prophesies a tsunami of perversion?!

  • Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    @brucegee1962:

    Since God has now officially said that the pervs are going to take over everything and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop them, does this mean Jennifer LeClaire and her cronies will just go hide in their basements and stop trying to get laws passed that are designed to thwart God’s clearly stated plans?

    yeah, I seem to recall that some god or other said that about the poor and meek as well, but that didn’t stop LeClaire’s forerunners from building debtor’s prisons and Magdalene Laundries.

    @Deacon Duncan

    Do you have any idea how hard it is to get nipple clamps onto a shark?

    Much less while riding a tsunami into a tornado! Or maybe I’m just not as dextrous as others. Maybe I should be embarrassed, but I have to confess that I’ve only managed that twice.

  • Georgia Sam

    @ Funny Diva (29): Thank you!

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    He had a bad interaction between alcohol, his meds and a greasy dinner while out camping

    I am having a mental picture of someone spinning around like a balloon when you let it go….

  • lorn

    I’m waxing my stick in anticipation.

  • dingojack

    lorn – ifyaknowwhatimean!

    Dingo

  • DataWrangler

    Coming next summer on the SyFy channel: Pervnami!

    To be followed of course by Sinado vs Pervnami

  • jnorris

    Based on statistics of internet porn use, the American south has been in a tsunami of perversion for years.

  • njosprey

    Sounds like she is cutting a demo tape for Old Testament prophet. You can almost hear the rumble of thunder, the blowing wind. What a word salad.