Keyes: Gay Marriage Will Cause ‘Extinction of Humanity’

Alan Keyes put his famous eloquence to work in a column at BarbWire in order to make a staggeringly dumb argument against same-sex marriage. Because gay people can’t have children (they can, actually, but let’s leave that aside for the moment), allowing them to get married will lead to the “extinction of humanity.”

The judges and justices who assert and demand enforcement of “marriage equality” for same sex couplings therefore face the burden of proving that, like the marriage couplings of men with women, same sex couplings are essential to the concrete perpetuation of the species as a whole. Given that same sex couplings are, as such, barren, this burden appears, on the face of it, impossible to sustain; and of course the U.S. courts have not done so.

No amount of reasoning as to the subjective gratification individuals derive from the spiritual, emotional or physical aspect of same sex couplings is relevant to this burden of proof. It has to do with humanity as a concrete fact, not as a subjective abstraction. This explains the general prejudice of mankind against the institutionalization of such couplings. For if made into a law for all, over time the concrete material manifestation of humanity would cease to exist.

This large-scale extinction of humanity now seems to be an acceptable goal for some elements of what I call the elitist faction. For the sake of the earth, of ecology, of environmental balance and purity, they seem to have conceived a righteous hatred against the existence of the human species, and therefore against its procreation.

Of all the arguments against gay rights, this one is truly the most ridiculous. Let’s state it as a syllogism:

P: Procreation is necessary for the human species to continue. (True)

P: Gay people can’t procreate. (False, but let’s grant it for the purposes of this argument)

C: Therefore letting gay people get married will cause the species not to continue.

It’s like they expect us not to notice those giant gaps in causal connections. In order for this to be true, allowing gay people to get married would have to cause all straight people to either become gay or stop having children themselves. Neither of those two things could be believed by anyone but the most delusional. You know, like Alan Keyes.

POPULAR AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Chiroptera

    Whoa! That’s a lot of fancy words there! I’d be impressed if he had said something.

  • D. C. Sessions

    Whatever is not forbidden is required.

    Authoritarians: they don’t get the idea of “freedom.”

  • colnago80

    By the same logic, allowing heterosexual couples that are either unable to have children or do not plan to have children to get married obviously threatens the survival of the human race. Somehow, fucktards like Keyes never address that argument.

  • John Pieret

    In order for this to be true, allowing gay people to get married would have to cause all straight people to either become gay or stop having children themselves.

    But he addressed that! Gay marriage is going to be “made into a law for all”! All you heterosexuals out there, start looking for your gaybride or gaygroom for when the gaypocalypse happens!

  • RickR

    start looking for your gaybride or gaygroom for when the gaypocalypse happens!

    Or they can just wait for the HomoBureau to assign them a partner for their GayMarriage. After their god-ordained straight marriage is dissolved, of course!

  • donkensler

    Let me get this straight. Gay sex is really evil and icky, but it’s so incredibly alluring that all of the straight dudes (even the ones who get squicked out at the thought of a prostate exam) will stop marrying women for a chance at that sweet gay sex as soon as same-sex marriage is legal. Wow! I know gay sex is appealing to me (but then i’m, y’know, gay and all), but i had no idea there are millions or billions of straight guys just waiting for the okay.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    I’m in favor of the extinction of humanity. That’s why I chose, early on, not to breed. I’m not going to take active measures to help humanity go extinct, but I think it’s reasonable and right to decide not to perpetuate such an awful species.

  • Deacon Duncan

    P: Procreation is necessary for the human species to continue.

    P: Celibate priests do not procreate.

    C: Therefore allowing priests to remain celibate will cause the extinction of the human race.

  • Al Dente

    I work in a state where same sex marriage is legal. There’s three pregnant staffers in my department of 20 people right now. How does Keyes explain this anomaly?

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Al Dente “I work in a state where same sex marriage is legal. There’s three pregnant staffers in my department of 20 people right now.”

    That’s easy:

    1. They’re from a non-gay mandate state, or

    2. They haven’t received their lesbian license yet.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    All you heterosexuals out there, start looking for your gaybride or gaygroom for when the gaypocalypse happens!

    Dibs on modusoperandi!

  • http://www.facebook.com/den.wilson d.c.wilson

    Al Dente @9:

    Obviously, they only got pregnant for the government-funded late term abortion.

    Duh.

  • mauriletremblay

    Keyes’s argument makes a lot of sense if he’s secretly gay and believes that everyone else is, too (which may actually be a legitimate possibility).

  • lorn

    Assuming the argument was right, it isn’t, even then, I don’t see a down side. I kind of think babies are going to keep coming.

    But, on the off chance they don’t I see no need for immediate worry. Given the over seven billion people presently on earth I suspect we could go a year or two with no births at all so maybe we could let it ride for a bit. Then, when and if the numbers get so low that the earth seems dangerously underpopulated we can revisit the issue. Until then everyone gets to get married to any consenting adult they want and they get to take a shot at making it work … let the good times roll.

  • marcus

    This gaymarriage sounds like exciting stuff! The fact, according to Keyes, that heterosexual “couplings” will cease once gaymarriage becomes legal and accepted is extremely interesting! What is it about gaymarriage that makes it so addicting?

    Hetromarriage has been really good for me so far but if gaymarriage is that much better… well, I can hardly wait to try it!

  • scienceavenger

    Keye’s formal argument is even more ridiculous than Ed’s depiction because of his implied premise:

    P: Marriage is required for procreation.

    It’s a crowded field, but this just might be the dumbest assumption in the bunch.