What Fischer Thinks Caused ‘Noah’s Flood’ This Week

It’s always amusing to hear what the Christian right thinks caused “Noah’s flood” at any given time. Some have amusingly claimed that it was caused by gay marriage, without evidence of course. Now Bryan Fischer says it’s because they didn’t use the death penalty — on God’s orders, by the way.

As Fischer explained it, “God had prohibited the death penalty prior to the Flood” and it resulted in so much chaos and bloodshed that God was left with no choice but to kill almost all of mankind.

“When people say we ought to just get rid of the death penalty, we just ought to get rid of capital punishment and society would be so much better off,” he said, “well, we tried that; we tried that from the creation to Adam until the Flood … And what happened? It was chaos. It was vigilante justice. And people began killing other people simply because they got insulted or because they got injured or because they got wounded. So there was no sense of proportionality, justice was a matter of each man talking the law into his own hands. It was total chaos and the result was the entire world had become so corrupt that God had to wipe the whole thing out and start over.”

Wait, doesn’t that mean God screwed up? That God’s command led directly to the worst genocide in the history of the world (I mean, if it actually happened, which it didn’t)? Did God set us up? I mean, he must have known that would happen. He is omniscient, after all. Oh what logical pretzels you have to twist yourselves into to defend such nonsense.

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  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    It’s always amusing to hear what the Christian right thinks caused “Noah’s flood” at any given time. Some have amusingly claimed that it was caused by gay marriage…

    See, there’s that “tsunami of perversion” you atheist poopyheads were making fun of. Checkmate, atheists!

  • peterh

    “Oh what logical pretzels you have to twist yourselves into to defend such nonsense.”

    The irony is delightful, especially since I’m quite sure Fischer doesn’t realize he’s “stepped in something” yet again.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    It’s really quite simple: if we don’t have the Death Penalty we’ll have vigilante justice. Do you want the peaceful USA to drown in an orgy of violence like those all those Northern European countries?

  • Taz

    “You’ve got to understand”, Fischer said, “God’s kind of an idiot”.

  • theguy

    “So there was no sense of proportionality”

    As opposed to Adolf Fischstick’s god, who damns people to suffer forever for finite sins.

    If only there was an empirical means to determine whether countries without the death penalty are safer than countries with it… Research, the fuck does it work?

  • blf

    All this time (the last second or two) I thought it was caused by the magic sky faeries emptying their bladders after a typical night out, downing Galaxy after Galaxy, black holes and all. The “no death penalty” is the misunderstood moaning the next morning, along the lines of “We wish we are dead” and “Turn out that fecking faeriedamned supernova!”

  • John Pieret

    Ah, good! Then you are in favor of executing that white South Carolina police officer who shot Walter Scott in the back, aren’t you, Bryan? … Bryan?

  • anubisprime

    What is more disturbing then ridiculous made up bullshite is the fact that a society allows the brain damaged that spout such contemptible risible nonsense to walk around unaccompanied by a responsible adult…now that is shocking!

    These people are certifiably insane…they fulfill the whole of the DSM IV classification chart and add a few for fun… and if not insane then they are obviously spinning a yarn to con money under false pretenses…again with a indulgent nod from society…it is not healthy, there are just to many of them and all is fun and games and the American way until someone loses an eye then it is a paaarrrtaaay!

    What a way to run a country…thanks Obama!

  • fmitchell

    Fischer is employing an important theological principle called “making shit up”.

    That’s how the “three persons in one God” thing started. True story. (I may be employing the same principle.)

  • busterggi

    “God had prohibited the death penalty prior to the Flood”

    citation please Mr. Fishy.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    … justice was a matter of each man talking the law into his own hands.

    And no one survived – except the lone warrior later known as Santa Claus (documentary coming soon).

  • Moon Jaguar

    Death, death and more death is our loving God’s go-to solution! He kills ’em all, then He sorts ’em out.

  • kantalope

    I thought the flood was because the angels were sleepin with the womins.

    genesis 6:4 for those worried about giants.

  • enki23

    God prohibited the death penalty, so everyone instituted the death penalty, because god told them not to. So god had to kill all of them to stop them from killing each other so much because they were obeying his command not to kill each other.

    Well, that about wraps it up I guess.

  • U Frood

    Right now we only have the death penalty for murder, so we’ve already discarded 90% of the causes for execution that were prescribed by the Bible. Are we already in danger of two few executions to ward off the wrath of God?

  • marcus

    enki23 @ 14 thanks for that. At first I thought it didn’t make any sense.

  • John Pieret

    enki23:

    God prohibited the death penalty, so everyone instituted the death penalty, because god told them not to. So god had to kill all of them to stop them from killing each other so much because they were obeying his command not to kill each other.

    But you forgot: “Now that God has executed all those people who were killing each other because he had ordered them not to execute each other, we now must execute people and the people we don’t execute, according to the Holy Constitution (delivered directly by Jesus to George Washington) requires that we all have guns to kill the people we miss executing.”

  • jufulu

    I think that the whole Noah’s Floods thing is much easier to understand if you just realize that the people were under double secret probation.

  • dingojack

    When people say we ought to just get rid of the death penalty, we just ought to get rid of capital punishment and society would be so much better off,well, we tried that; we tried that from the creation to Adam until the FloodAnd what happened? It was chaos. It was vigilante justice. And people began killing other people simply because they got insulted or because they got injured or because they got wounded. So there was no sense of proportionality, justice was a matter of each man talking the law into his own hands. It was total chaos and the result was the entire world had become so corrupt that God had to wipe the whole thing out and start over.”

    And in England after the chaos and confusion of the Civil War, Henry II (b1133 r1154 – d1189) faced similar problems — he instituted Common Law, Circuit Judges, Trial by Jury and Coroners Courts…

    Too bad your god’s not smart enough to do what a mere human king can, Bryan.

    Dingo

  • anubisprime

    dingojack @ 14

    Too bad your god’s not smart enough to do what a mere human king can

    To be fair dingo…god might be many things but he ain’t no Englishman…

    It has been said that to be born English is akin to winning the lottery of life…hard to disagree really! 😉

  • anubisprime

    anubisprime @ 20

    But of course we do not mention the French connection for Henry II…well who would?

    We are not fond of them, never have been, probably never will be!

  • dingojack

    anubisprime – Surely, god is an Englishman*? Look at his penchant for bowling googlies…

    :) DIngo

    ————

    * WILDE: it was one of Shaw’s

    PRINCE EDWARD: Really? One of Shaw’s? So Shaw what’s the meaning of that?

    SHAW: Oh, umm well… Your Highness is like a stream of bat’s piss’. It was one of Oscar’s

    PE: Really? Bat’s piss eh? What do’ye say to that Wilde?

    [and etc…]

  • http://thebronzeblog.wordpress.com/ Bronze Dog

    @anubisprime: Please don’t go with there with brain damage / mental illness. The bad thing about religion is that it doesn’t take brain damage to fall for it. I’ve got Asperger’s, so it sounds like you’re talking about anyone with a mental disability as lesser people, as well as dehumanizing religious fundamentalism when it’s a very human problem.

    When I read the title, I first thought the crowd that came up with “theories” like the vapor canopy and hydroplate had come up with yet another wacky, physics-defying idea to cycle through when the others get discredited in a forum thread. Creationism is in a state of chaos, as I say, and they would love to add one more absurd physical explanation to their divergent mess.

  • Nick Gotts

    Modusoperandi@3,

    The death penalty has been abolished in all European countries except Belarus and – stretching the definition of Europe quite a bit – Kazakhstan. Technically it’s only been “indefintely suspended” in Russia, but if Russia wants to stay in the Council of Europe, it can’t bring it back. I can testify that the bodies in the street are seldom more than three deep.

  • anubisprime

    dingojack @ 22

    Surely, god is an Englishman

    Well a block down the pub the other night did mention that as far as the intellectuals elites were concerned it is pretty much a slam dunk that in fact ‘Clapton was god’…I see the point and it seems to have quite good pedigree as a definitive statement on the actual definition of an awesome god…but seems a little light as to the smiting aspect!

    Bronze Dog @ 23

    Apologies if you felt I was being rather broad in my accusation of mental impairment that seemed to regard all folk with such problems as so afflicted, that of course was not the intention nor the point, because as you pointed out, that is simply not accurate.

    I do contend that the rejection of rationality or the negation of all evidence to the contrary as rather telling though.

    A rather well known YEC geologist…Lyle I think his name was, maybe folks here are better informed…once said that if evidence was piled so high that totally refuted the bibles version of the creation in no uncertain terms…and if he was asked to choose the correct most logical interpretation of a phenomena then he would reject all such evidence, automatically and unequivocally in favor of the tale told in the bible …now that I am afraid tends to a mental instability aspect, but accept not everyone agrees on that.

    As for the likes of Fisher and his balderdash, that tends more to outright dishonesty, manipulation and possibly criminal intent to defraud the audience either of cash or reality.

    But whatever I take your point Bronze Dog and accept the admonition.

  • anubisprime

    Block=Bloke, Geezer, Dude, a fella!

  • moarscienceplz

    people began killing other people

    So if the government won’t kill people, then ordinary citizens will be forced to kill people? And he thinks that’s a bad thing? I thought the whole idea of being a right-winger was that gummint can’t do anything as well as ordinary citizens can, so he should want the government to get out of the murder business, so the ordinary (white) citizens can do it properly.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/TabbyLavalamp Tabby Lavalamp

    I really wish they would bring the death penalty back to Canada. I’m tired of lugging a shotgun everywhere I go, and shooting people because they don’t say “please” or “thank you” is getting old quickly.