The Devil Stopped Creflo Dollar From Getting His Gulfstream

Poor Creflo Dollar. All he wanted was what every small town preacher wants, a Gulfstream G650 private jet. I mean, you can’t expect him to merely fly commercial first class, can you? And now he says that he didn’t get it because that damn devil interfered with him chasing his dreams.

“I can dream as long as I want to. I can believe God as long as I want to. If I want to believe God for a $65 million plane, you cannot stop me. You cannot stop me from dreaming. You can’t stop me from dreaming. I’m gon’ dream until Jesus comes,” Dollar preached.

Yeah, see, the thing is, you can dream all you want. But don’t expect people to pay for your dreams out of the kindness of their hearts and Social Security checks. When Jesus turned water into wine, he didn’t charge the masses for that wine. Jesus also didn’t expect them to buy him a cart pulled by seven donkeys in return. I’m quite sure that would have been the equivalent to a G650 back then.

Dollar also told his congregation that they should never let the devil block them from their dreams. If you want that big house, dream about it. If you want that new luxury car, dream about it.

“Dream about what the devil says you can’t have,” Dollar stated.

And then ask your credulous followers to pay for it. You know, like Jesus did. A few thoughts come to mind:

Matthew 6:24: “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.”

Luke 18:25: “For it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.”

Luke 12:33: “Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys.”

1 Timothy 6:10: “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.”

Hebrews 13:5: “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Luke 6:24: “But woe to you who are rich, for you have received your consolation.”

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  • wreck

    Dream on, preacher man, dream on.

  • http://festeringscabofrealityblogspot.com fifthdentist

    I have a dream that one day a minister will be able to con poor black people out of enough money to buy a bad-ass jet to fly in elegance and style like the good Lord intended.

    I have a dream!

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Jesus walked, but only because Gulfstream didn’t exist at the time.

  • Alverant

    No Satan saved his life. You see if he got his jet God would have made it crash in a populated area killing dozens. By preventing him from getting the jet in the first place, Satan did a tremendous good!

    Hail Santa!

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    Modus @#3: Jesus walked, but only because Gulfstream didn’t exist at the time.

    I imagine you have a small warehouse full of all the internets you’ve won. Is it difficult to store them all?

  • raven

    The Devil Stopped Creflo Dollar From Getting His Gulfstream

    Which means satan is stronger and more powerful than Creflo Dollar.

    So why is anyone giving this guy any money at all? Any preacher that can’t overcome satan and a gang of demons isn’t worthy of his loot intake.

  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    The bit from 1 Timothy is most appropriate here: this guy’s love of luxury has pierced him with many pangs of total blind blithering incoherence.

  • http://ahcuah.wordpress.com/ ahcuah

    God answers all our prayers; we may just not like the anwer. God to Creflo: “Fuck You!”

  • Lithified Detritus

    Marcus Ranum@5

    I imagine you have a small warehouse full of all the internets you’ve won. Is it difficult to store them all?

    Actually, I expect that poor Modus will end up on an episode of Hoarders, living in squalor in a house stacked to the ceiling with internets, and only narrow pathways leading to the kitchen & bathroom.

  • grumpyoldfart

    It’s no good quoting bible verses at them. The only reason they are Christians is that they have never read the bible.

    The only text most of them have heard about is John 3:16, and some of them don’t even know what’s in it!

  • david

    Luke 19:30-31. When Jesus wanted a fancy new ride, he sent his disciples to steal a donkey. If they had Gulfstreams back then, maybe Jesus would have asked for one of those, instead.

  • dingojack

    No Creflo it wasn’t satan. It was god. He stopped the cheque. It’s all his money, remember?

    Dingo

  • sugarfrosted

    Wasn’t the point of Jesus riding a donkey that it was a humble means of transportation, you know, basically the opposite of a 65 million dollar jet?

  • http://www.pandasthumb.org Area Man

    God answers all our prayers; we may just not like the answer.

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