‘Science’ Proves Eating Beef Caused Nepal Earthquake

Oh boy. Not only do we have Hindu nationalist political leaders claiming that eating beef is what caused the earthquake in Nepal, there’s an Indian group called Gau Sewa Mission — motto: serve the cow, serve the country — says that it’s all backed up by science.

The devastating calamity of earthquake happens due to collective slaughter of living creature. This statement looks very strange but the renowned scientist of Delhi University Dr. Madan Mohan Bajaj has proved it to be right with help of his two other scientists. Dr. Bajaj has given his glorious research thesis title “Visprabhaw”. Dr. Bajaj placed his important research thesis in June 1995 in one of the international scientist conference held in Sudal town near Moscow, the capital of Russia. This research paper not only created a stir among the scientific but nullified all the theories regarding earthquake. In fact this revolutionary research paper put nonviolence and coexistence on scientific basis and became beginning of the new era.

This research paper on the one hand has inter related science and philosophy in a wonderful manner it has also made clear that earthquake happens because of the follies of human beings and if man wants he can stop earthquake. The research of three doctors, Bajaj, Ibhrahim and Singh actually substantiate Einstein Pain wave’s theory. Radio, T.V. Satellites even explosive atom bomb are moved by vibrations. Not only this, on the basis of vibrations, a Russian Scientist brought the dust from moon by the use of an instrument caused luneokhod by using it from the earth itself. Similarly, earthquake is caused by pain waves.

According to scientists, three types of waves are present on this earth; the primary waves, secondary waves and third are under layer waves. The first type of waves run very fast but the second one with the slow speed at the time of killing of living creatures leave waves emit pain waves. Such pain waves go on increasing and intensifying by more and more killings of the creatures and when the energy of these waves becomes expressive then these waves shake the earth which is known as earthquake.

According to this research it is established that when there is a large scale of slaughter of creature whether human beings or animals and the pain waves are created by these slaughters that is caused Einstein Pain waves and these waves are so powerful that the earth starts shaking which is in common language is called Earthquake.

And we thought creationists were ridiculous. For fuck’s sake.

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  • wreck

    “serve the cow, serve the country”

    I’ll have mine served medium rare, thank you.

    “Einstein Pain waves”

    Band name!!!

    “Such pain waves go on increasing and intensifying by more and more killings of the creatures and when the energy of these waves becomes expressive then these waves shake the earth which is known as earthquake.”

    So the pain waves from the 4000+ dead should cause more and bigger earthquakes, killing more people, creating more pain waves, causing more earthquakes, and so on until the entire planet is devastated.

  • http://www.thelosersleague.com theschwa

    Why didn’t they simply use a sheep’s bladder to prevent the earthquake?? Are these scientists unfamiliar with this new learning??

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    Is their holy book called “To Serve Cow”? (Apologies to Rod Serling.)

  • marcus

    Makes as much sense as Ken Ham’s bleatings.

  • Blondin

    So… it wasn’t the boobs after all?

  • Deacon Duncan

    @5 Actually it’s a combination: earthquakes are caused by killing cows who have bare udders.

  • dingojack

    Marcus – lowing rather than bleating, in this case.

    Dingo

  • yoav

    And I thought it was all because of the gayz.

    Anyway according to his theory Syria should have been shaking nonstop for the last few years and we should be able to detect huge spikes in earthquakes in Europe from 1914 to 1918 and from 1939 to 1945.

  • StevoR

    Not only this, on the basis of vibrations, a Russian Scientist brought the dust from moon by the use of an instrument caused luneokhod by using it from the earth itself. Similarly, earthquake is caused by pain waves.

    Er .. no :

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lunokhod_programme

    This clown can’t even spell Lunakhod and hasn’t got his facts right at all – quelle surprise!

  • D. C. Sessions

    Well, this one’s self-testing.

    Just reading “Einstein pain waves” explanation of earthquakes is causing severe headaches all over the planet.

    Now if we can only get the authors to explain plate movement.

  • StevoR

    @8. yoav : Syrians are eating a lot of beef now?

    OTOH, if the beef =quakes theory is true how come allthe British queens castles are still standing when they are guarded by people famously nicknamed”beefeaters” for rather obvious reasons?

  • John Pieret

    There simply are not enough desks to head!

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    Isn’t there a kind of photography called “Beef quake”? Maybe this group is bothered by pictures of buff men…

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    ITS ADAM AND EVE NOT ADAM AND BEEF!!!

  • Sastra

    Welcome to the wonderful world of “Vedic Science!”

    Meera Nanda’s been covering this crap for a long time. Religious say “The unique thing about OUR religion is how well it harmonizes with science — why, scientists follow along where it predicts!” Same old same old. This time it’s Hinduism. I think too many people give a kind of pass to Eastern religions and assume they’re not anything like the Western ones. It’s revealed truths. Same old same old.

  • marcus

    dingojack @ 7 Squealing?

  • dingojack

    Marcus – now you’ve detoured into Deliverance country.

    :) Dingo

  • caseloweraz

    According to the quoted paragraphs, the issue seems to be suffering in general — “…it is established that when there is a large scale of slaughter of creature whether human beings or animals and the pain waves are created by these slaughters that is caused Einstein Pain waves and these waves are so powerful that the earth starts shaking…” — rather than the butchering of cows specifically.

    I couldn’t check the linked site since the server has evidently exceeded its bandwidth limit. Wow. Takes me back to the early days of the WWW.

    Of course, the proposition is still ridiculous. I’ll bet the science paper doesn’t say what Gau Sewa Mission claims it does. Where have we seen that before, eh?

  • dingojack

    So — not so much a Boobquake – as an udder catastrophe!

    [OK, OK I’ll leave quietly, but do try the Shrimp Cocktails!]

    Dingo

  • Larry

    I think that this theory requires further research. If any one needs me, I’ll be down at Peter Luger’s.

  • Richard Smith

    Ground-shaking beef. It’s what’s on your plate tectonics!

  • dingojack

    Shouldn’t the quake have occurred —

    in Udder Pradesh!

    [Flees thread, screaming maniacally with childish laughter]

    Dingo

  • Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    Save the cow, save the world?

  • sugarfrosted

    @23 I hate you, because that made me laugh.

  • eric

    when there is a large scale of slaughter of creature whether human beings or animals and the pain waves are created by these slaughters that is caused Einstein Pain waves and these waves are so powerful that the earth starts shaking which is in common language is called Earthquake.

    Please, won’t somebody please think of the plankton!

    On a semi-serious note, this guy has no concept of biomass and the fact that cows are a relatively minor component of it, does he?

  • John Pieret

    eric @ 25:

    Please, won’t somebody please think of the plankton!

    Weren’t whale ancestors found in the area of Pakistan near the Himalayas? All the baleen whales killing all those plankton every day must be focusing their Einstein Pain waves back to the area of their origin. Oh, and the toothed whales, eating all those squid and fish … it’s a horror!

  • sezme

    I’m feeling a pain wave right now but only because when I first read the quote, I read “Palin” wave. Ouch!

  • davek23

    @wreck #1:

    “Such pain waves go on increasing and intensifying by more and more killings of the creatures and when the energy of these waves becomes expressive then these waves shake the earth which is known as earthquake.”

    So the pain waves from the 4000+ dead should cause more and bigger earthquakes, killing more people, creating more pain waves, causing more earthquakes, and so on until the entire planet is devastated.

    Ah, no, you see, because Science! The dead from the earthquake were randomly aligned and hence their pain waves largely canceled out.

    Slaughterhouses, however, as everyone knows, are all perfectly aligned, and positioned at exact integer multiples of the pain wavelength, thus creating a kind of nation-sized coherent pain wave laser.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    So the people of Nepal began eating beef only recently, right?