Of Course Louis Gohmert is Throwing a Fit About Jade Helm 15

You didn’t think the wingnuts in Texas were going to have a collective conniption over the Jade Helm 15 military exercise planned for this summer without Louis Gohmert, the dumbest man in Texas, jumping on a soapbox and spewing nonsense, did you?

Over the past few weeks, my office has been inundated with calls referring to the Jade Helm 15 military exercise scheduled to take place between July 15 and September 15, 2015. This military practice has some concerned that the U.S. Army is preparing for modern-day martial law.

Certainly, I can understand these concerns. When leaders within the current administration believe that major threats to the country include those who support the Constitution, are military veterans, or even ‘cling to guns or religion,’ patriotic Americans have reason to be concerned. We have seen people working in this administration use their government positions to persecute people with conservative beliefs in God, country, and notions such as honor and self-reliance. Because of the contempt and antipathy for the true patriots or even Christian saints persecuted for their Christian beliefs, it is no surprise that those who have experienced or noticed such persecution are legitimately suspicious.

Having served in the U.S. Army, I can understand why military officials have a goal to see if groups of Special Forces can move around a civilian population without being noticed and can handle various threat scenarios. In military science classes or in my years on active duty, I have participated in or observed military exercises; however, we never named an existing city or state as a “hostile.” We would use fictitious names before we would do such a thing.

Once I observed the map depicting ‘hostile,’ ‘permissive,’ and ‘uncertain’ states and locations, I was rather appalled that the hostile areas amazingly have a Republican majority, ‘cling to their guns and religion,’ and believe in the sanctity of the United States Constitution. When the federal government begins, even in practice, games or exercises, to consider any U.S. city or state in ‘hostile’ control and trying to retake it, the message becomes extremely calloused and suspicious.

Such labeling tends to make people who have grown leery of federal government overreach become suspicious of whether their big brother government anticipates certain states may start another civil war or be overtaken by foreign radical Islamist elements which have been reported to be just across our border. Such labeling by a government that is normally not allowed to use military force against its own citizens is an affront to the residents of that particular state considered as ‘hostile,’ as if the government is trying to provoke a fight with them. The map of the exercise needs to change, the names on the map need to change, and the tone of the exercise needs to be completely revamped so the federal government is not intentionally practicing war against its own states.

Or here’s another idea: Rational, responsible conservative leaders could stop those paranoid asshats that they’re full of shit. But you don’t keep getting elected in Texas by doing that, now do you?

POPULAR AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • k_machine

    Truly, changing a name on a map will change everything.

  • John Pieret

    Rational, responsible conservative leaders

    I believe the EPA has declared that an endangered species in Texas.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    I was rather appalled that the hostile areas amazingly have a Republican majority

    Amazingly, it’s easier to run an exercise outside of major metropolitan areas. Besides, they can’t run them in the cities. I mean, they can, but it’s not worth the hassle, on account of the cops harassing the black soldiers.

  • http://festeringscabofrealityblogspot.com fifthdentist

    The crazy eyes of Texas are upon you

    Especially all you gays

    The eyes of Texas are upon you

    Paranoid is how we’ll stay

    Do not think you can escape us

    No matter where you were born

    The crazy eyes of Texas are upon you

    When we’re not watching gay porn

  • StevoR

    @ 2. John Pieret : Huntsman? I think there are a few – and a growing number even – who are for example starting to accept and advocate for measures to act against Global Overheating and who are getting over the idea of equal marriage etc .. Can’t think of too many right now but swear I vaguely heard of some of them somewhere .. (Hell, Chris Christie came across as quite reasonable on a number of issues didn’t he? Even Mittens Rmoney used to agree with Climate change science and health care before he had to go try getting elected.. and recently sorta changed back~ish then got slammed for it yes?)

    Or here’s another idea: Rational, responsible conservative leaders could stop those paranoid asshats that they’re full of shit. But you don’t keep getting elected in Texas by doing that, now do you?

    Therein lies the problem and shame of course. Also how sustainable can that be long term? Surely eventually the Texans will see sense again and that’ll change? How long can that go on that way?

  • http://festeringscabofrealityblogspot.com fifthdentist

    Modus, you misspelled “shooting in the back” as “harassing.”

  • colnago80

    Re StevoR @ #5

    Huntsman is from Utah.

  • MikeMa

    Of course, when the feared martial law doesn’t materialize, the loons will say their warning prevented it. The idiocy will become legend. Sort of a metaphor for Texas actually.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    k_machine “Truly, changing a name on a map will change everything.”

    It does. With the name change, Constantinople got the works. Of course, the logic behind that city’s renaming remains nobody’s business but the Turks.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    fifthdentist “Modus, you misspelled ‘shooting in the back’ as ‘harassing.'”

    Now you’re just being ridiculous. I spelled it correctly. It’s pronounced “shooting in the back” (or “shooting in the front”, “shot fleeing the scene”, “fatally tazed resisting arrest’, “banned choke holded” or, recently, “spine brokeninged”, depending on local dialect).

    Now’s the part where I undercut that by stating that most police officers are good and that it’s just a few bad apples and blame other people for making such a big thing out of this. Then I fail to wonder why there are so many bad apples, or why they so rarely get removed from the force (or so rarelyer go to jail), and go happily back to being white and middle class, wilfully unaware of how privileged that position is. Time permitting, I add victim blaming and blind authoritarianism (buttressed with an “I’m not a racist, but…”).

  • http://www.facebook.com/eo.raptor.3 eoraptor

    Isn’t there an ancient, but still true, military axiom that the Goober should know?

    The map is not the territory.

  • sharonb

    Look up Deep Underground Military Bases (DUMB). You can’t make this stuff up!

  • fmitchell

    Thanks to decades of gerrymandering, what district in Texas DOESN’T have a “conservative” majority? (Maybe parts of Austin, poorer neighborhoods in Houston, and south Dallas. Maybe.)

  • cottonnero

    fmitchell #13: The 9th, 18th, and 29th (Houston), the 30th (South Dallas), the 33rd (Fort Worth), the 16th (El Paso), the 35th (a line from Austin to San Antonio), the 20th (San Antonio), and the 15th, 28th, and 34th (districts running in parallel lines from San Antonio to the Rio Grande). That’s 11 districts out of 36.

  • caseloweraz

    Gohmert: Because of the contempt and antipathy for the true patriots or even Christian saints persecuted for their Christian beliefs, it is no surprise that those who have experienced or noticed such persecution are legitimately suspicious.

    Knowing the names of some of these “Christian saints” who are allegedly being persecuted would be useful. Eva Marie Saint? The New Orleans Saints? Yves Saint Laurent? Christopher Saint Booth? Stephen Saint Leger? Sainty Nelson? Lawrence Saint-Victor? John Saint Ryan? Roxy Saint? (Oh hell yes; she acted in Zombie Strippers!)

    Incidentally, the people named are all real; you can look them up on IMDB.

  • Kermit Sansoo

    caseloweraz –

    .

    St. Louis? Saint Nicholas? And, of course, he who needs no name: The Saint.

  • Electric Shaman

    One of his constituents must have tipped of Louis that the military was planning on casting aspersions on his asparagus.