Move Over, Deepak Chopra

I‘ve been seeing memes on Facebook that are quotes from some guy named David ‘Avacado’ Wolfe lately and had no idea who he was. So I looked him up. Holy shit, this guy is a waterfall of stupid and bizarre. Here’s a video with some of his wackier claims. My favorite quote:

Chocolate lines up planetarily with the sun. Chocolate is an octave of sun energy.

This is Deepak Chopra-level woo.

POPULAR AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1017276335 Strewth

    There are parody pages spoofing Wolfe popping up on FaceBook. He’s attracting no small amount of ridicule.

  • themadtapper

    Chocolate lines up planetarily with the sun. Chocolate is an octave of sun energy.

    This is the quintessential word salad. Grammatically speaking these are valid sentences, but the content of these words together means nothing.

    Actually, I think they mean less than nothing. You actually get dumber from reading them. My greatest fear is that one day one of these kooks will created a word singularity, a group of words so negative in meaning that it causes all knowledge to fall into it due to gravitational strength of its ignorance.

  • dmcclean

    Indeed, themadtapper.

    That quote is so nonsensical, it woke the colorless green ideas from their furious sleep. Wolfe had better watch out, now they are furiously awake.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    To be fair, chocolate is pretty awesome.

  • marcus

    Well, I don’t know about “sun energy” but chocolate does have an immense gravitational field, disproportionate to its actual mass. Many times have I been pulled miles from my predetermined arc into its delicious orbit.

  • http://www.jafafahots.com Jafafa Hots

    Hershey’s Chocolate may be an octave of sun energy, but a quality dark chocolate has a full 88 keys (7 octaves plus a minor third).

  • anubisprime

    There is one pertinent fact…someone somewhere will worship and buy into it with a singing heart…’buy’ being the operative word.

    So the crud served up by ‘Advocado’, just because it is all batshit insane, does not mean some self diagnosed ‘spiritually’ aware doofus and doofusi will not empty their wallets and purses for more of that ‘gud ‘ol time’ woo woo bullshite!’…

    You can take the naive and dumb to the library….you cannot make them read!

  • Larry

    My greatest fear is that one day one of these kooks will created a word singularity, a group of words so negative in meaning that it causes all knowledge to fall into it due to gravitational strength of its ignorance.

    We’ve come close with many of Sarah Palin’s pronouncements. Each time she speaks, the Universe starts to tremble, quieting down when she shuts up.

  • grumpyoldfart

    Fourteen minutes of that shit!

  • llewelly

    David “Avacado” Wolfe also loves to yabble on about the evils of social media. Which he uses to spread his garbage.

  • thebookofdave

    Scoff if you will, but ‘Avacado’ delivers his material direct from the depths of his Chocolate Lab.

  • Trebuchet

    Scoff if you will, but ‘Avacado’ delivers his material direct from the depths butt of his Chocolate Lab.

    FTFY. Probably what you meant anyhow.

  • Trebuchet

    Dang HTML fail.

  • Michael Heath

    themadtapper writes:

    My greatest fear is that one day one of these kooks will created a word singularity, a group of words so negative in meaning that it causes all knowledge to fall into it due to gravitational strength of its ignorance.

    Larry responds:

    We’ve come close with many of Sarah Palin’s pronouncements. Each time she speaks, the Universe starts to tremble, quieting down when she shuts up.

    Even more astonishing was that Sarah Palin published books. Sure she used a ghost writer, but both were incoherent. Some people read these books, in their entirety. It’s the following of a delusional idiot that continues to amaze me, not necessarily the observation of one.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    Chocolate is an octave of sun energy

    This is why if you eat chocolate and fart in a rainstorm you get chocolate rainbows. That is true science.

  • otrame

    There is a world of this level of bullshit on youtube. I prefer to observe within the safety of someone else watching and showing us the stupid parts and laughing at them. I recommend Martymer’s destruction of “Spirit Science”. Spirit Science is an Avocado level of nonsense. You should check out the whole series. I can’t wait for you to get to the Space Jews. You’ll love the Space Jews.

  • mildlymagnificent

    Not just on youtube. I tried to read this “abstract” of a “paper” the other day. It’s the one time I can recall that abstract was a completely accurate description, though word salad would be better.

    There’s no need to try and read the ghastly thing, just cast your eye down the list of references and keywords. Then try to work out what brand of self-esteem would make you pay $2000 from your own pocket just to have this garbage “published”.

    http://www.scirp.org/journal/PaperInformation.aspx?PaperID=35542#.VWTvC9Kqqko

    (I do think it takes a special kind of chutzpa to have Crop Circles as a keyword in a paper that’s putatively about management.)

  • caseloweraz

    TheBookofDave: Scoff if you will, but ‘Avacado’ delivers his material direct from the depths of his Chocolate Lab.

    I see what you did there. One Internet is on its way to your mailbox.

  • caseloweraz

    This explains the long absence of HipCrime from spam e-mails. The HipCrime team has been working in their Secret Mountain Laboratory™ to perfect a HipCrime-speech generator in human form. Looks like they’ve succeeded.

  • https://plus.google.com/107095827599382907783 NS Alito

    Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.

  • mithrandir

    pronouncements. Each time she speaks, the Universe starts to tremble, quieting down when she shuts up.

    Reminds me of a quip I once read, along the lines of “The last time I tried diagramming a Sarah Palin sentence, it summoned a Great Old One.” Probably Azathoth, now that I think about it.

  • Pingback: How is it that I’ve never heard of David Avocado Wolfe before? | I World New()

  • dingojack

    “Scoff if you will, but ‘Avacado’ delivers his material direct from the depths of his Chocolate Lab starfish.”

    FIFY.

    Dingo

    ——–

    Then there’s this helpful attempt to inform about the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics.