Oh, How I Love Larry Klayman

If Larry Klayman didn’t exist, I’d have to invent him. The volume of stupidity and psychological projection he pumps out is simply extraordinary. In his latest column he says we should move the Supreme Court to Independence Hall in Philadelphia. This is the first paragraph of that column:

As I head to my native city and birthplace of Philadelphia to visit with my family and pay my respects to the place where our nation was born at the cost of many lives this Memorial Day, it caused me to think about the state of affairs in our legal system. Of course, you know me well enough to understand my general lack of respect for many judges and lawyers who infest the courthouses around the country. The former are mostly political hacks, chosen either through presidential and senatorial patronage, as is the case in the federal system, or elected thanks to large contributions from big law firms, labor unions and special interests, as is true in most states. In short, the legal profession doesn’t even come close to living up to the high ethical and competency standards envisioned by our Founding Fathers when our Declaration of Independence and later Constitution were conceived of and signed in the City of Brotherly Love.

Yes, my friends, Larry Klayman just criticized other people for their lack of “high ethical and competency standards.” Let’s judge him by those same standards:

1. He’s been reprimanded by the Florida Supreme Court for taking a $25,000 retainer from a woman and then not doing any legal work for her. He was ordered to pay back the money but he said he was dead broke and couldn’t afford to do so.

2. He sued his own mother, seeking to get back $50,000 he had paid for private nurses for his grandmother while she was very ill (she’s since passed away).

3. His law license is suspended in Pennsylvania.

4. Last year he was publicly censured by the Office of Bar Counsel in Washington, DC.

5. Multiple judges have hammered Klayman for failing to turn over documents as ordered, failing to file pleadings with the court in a timely manner. One court sanctioned him in a lawsuit he filed against Judicial Watch, the organization he founded, saying:

“The court concludes that the requested sanction is appropriate under the unique circumstances presented in this case – most notably, Klayman’s consistent pattern of engaging in dilatory tactics, his disobedience of court-ordered deadlines, and his disregard for the federal rules of civil procedure and the local rules of this court, coupled with the patent failure of the court’s use of lesser sanctions in the past to have any discernible effect on Klayman’s conduct in this litigation,” U.S. District Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly wrote.

6. At least two judges have barred him from ever appearing in their courtrooms again.

7. He rarely wins the staggering number of lawsuits he’s filed.

Of course, all of this is just part of a grand conspiracy against him. That’s always his answer. No matter how unethical or incompetent he clearly is, every time he’s nailed for it he claims that it’s all just a result of bias against him. “High ethical and competency standards,” indeed.

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  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Sure, but just because he’s drek doesn’t mean that judges are not. I mean, some of them take positions opposed to him. If that isn’t a sign of their corruption, I don’t know what is!

    The Founding Fathers never intended judges to be appointed or elected. Which is odd, as those are the only two possibilities. I’m starting to think the Founding Fathers really didn’t think this whole “Nation” thing through. Do over! Dibs on Franklin!

  • Larry

    An essay on judicial and lawyerly behavior would be far more meaningful coming from either Lionel Hutz or Saul Goodman.

  • dingojack

    MO – you want part of eastern Tennessee? Why, in the name of all the gods, would one want that?

    Dingo

  • Deacon Duncan

    If you invented him, people would accuse you of mocking conservative Christians.

  • John Hinkle

    @Modus

    The Founding Fathers never intended judges to be appointed or elected. Which is odd, as those are the only two possibilities.

    Well, there are a few other possibilities. For example, a cage match.

  • zenlike

    1 and 5:

    There are a lot of other possibilities: examination and/or appearing before a jury of experts to determine the best candidate. Of course that would make things more objective. Can’t have that.

  • Michael Heath

    Larry Klayman states:

    Of course, you know me well enough to understand my general lack of respect for many judges and lawyers who infest the courthouses around the country. The former are mostly political hacks, chosen either through presidential and senatorial patronage, as is the case in the federal system, or elected thanks to large contributions from big law firms, labor unions and special interests, as is true in most states. In short, the legal profession doesn’t even come close to living up to the high ethical and competency standards envisioned by our Founding Fathers when our Declaration of Independence and later Constitution were conceived of and signed in the City of Brotherly Love.

    Mr. Klayman demonstrates total ignorance regarding the use of patronage and competency at our founding for all sorts of political appointments, including judicial ones. Any reasonable in-depth reading of our founding shows that patronage and cronyism wasn’t merely a frequent occurrence, it was an openly common occurrence.

  • Loqi

    @John Hinkle

    I definitely would have chosen law over software engineering in college if it meant I got to put Scalia in a knee bar.

  • Scientismist

    1,5,6 — Modus, John Hinkle, & zenlike:

    Justice Scalia is on record as believing that things worked better when executive power was conferred on the victor in the combat of armies. Makes it clearer who God favors. Don’t know how he stands on judicial power.. the victor in a duel with small arms, perhaps?

  • John Hinkle

    @Loqi

    Ok, took me a couple of minutes to stop laughing. Even had to dab my eyes!

  • D. C. Sessions

    Obviously judges should be appointed by the Church.

  • otrame

    I don’t know about judicial competency, but that first sentence indicates that the Klay man is no slouch when it comes to the use of the English language. (/sarcasm)

    Seriously. How many lives were lost while founding our nation on this Memorial Day? I want numbers!!11!!

  • marcus

    zenlike @ 6 Nah. Cage match! Cage match!

    Of course if that was the method of selection the Notorious RBG would be Chief Justice now.

    (She would kick Roberts’ ass in a New York minute!)