Strike a Pose, Rick Perry, There’s Nothing To It

I find Rick Perry to be very funny. I just wish I were in the meetings with his political advisers when they planned the launch of his second presidential campaign after the disaster that was the 2012 Republican primary, when he turned himself into a punchline in a matter of weeks. I imagine a conversation kinda like this:

Perry: Okay, after last time out half the country thinks I’m an idiot. How do we change that perception?

Advisers: Governor, we think you should start wearing glasses.

Perry: That’s brilliant. Brilliant! No wonder I pay you guys the big bucks. But a lot of people also think I’m just a shallow pretty boy with metrosexual tendencies, which isn’t gonna fly in the Republican party. How can we fix that problem?

Advisers: When we launch your campaign, we’re going to surround you with Navy SEALS.

Rick Perry’s June event in Addison, Texas, where he is expected to announce his candidacy for president, will feature a number of retired and current Navy SEALs, according to a invite to the event. Retired Navy SEAL Marcus Luttrell, whose autobiography inspired the 2014 film Lone Survivor, will attend with his wife. The widow of retired Navy SEAL Chris Kyle, whose autobiography inspired the oscar-nominated American Sniper, will also be there.

Yep, that oughta do it. The nomination is all but his now.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • John Pieret

    Eared seals balancing beach balls on their noses would be a better fit for Perry’s campaign.

  • Mr Ed

    Only thing left for him to do is change a tire.

  • karmacat

    What is it with these republicans? Even losing badly doesn’t affect their egos and the thinking that they can win.

  • themadtapper

    The title of this post compelled me to listen to Vogue again.

  • dingojack

    themadtapper – look I know the prospect of Rick Perry being the public face of America is depressing — but it surely can’t be bad enough to force yourself to suffer through Madge’s cacophonous caterwauling!

    It will get better.

    Dingo

  • Doc Bill

    Perry is totally scripted. He is incapable of thinking on his feet or on his own. His educational background is paper thin, thus he is unable to synthesize any kind of historical or political context. He’s just a clueless poser who thinks he can get by on sound bites.

    His “oops” moment wasn’t a memory lapse or nerves from being in a debate, rather Perry had no fundamental understanding of why or which departments he’d remove. Ironic considering he’s a religious fundamentalist! He simply forgot what somebody else told him to say. Do we really need another puppet president?

  • StevoR

    Apparently the other Rick “Frothymix” Santorum has also now officially declared himself a POTUS Repub candidate too.. No surprise really and also no chance. Well, not of the Presidency anyhow I think.

    http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-05-28/conservative-firebrand-rick-santorum-in-white-house-re-launch/6502692

  • sinned34

    Rick Perry should just dig up the corpse of one of those dead Navy SEALs and wear the body like a suit. It wouldn’t be much different than what he’s trying to do at his campaign launch.

  • raven

    Only thing left for him to do is change a tire.

    Naw.

    It’s got to be hunting. He is from Texas after all.

    Perry is inept. It will probably be a posed picture of him aiming an AR-15 at a cute rabbit tied to a tree with a string around its neck.

  • D. C. Sessions

    sinned34, he Bugs me too.

  • tomc5

    The active duty folks need to be careful as they as prohibited from being anything other than a spectator at a political rally.

  • themadtapper

    Lol Dingo. But seriously, while I’m not a huge Madonna fan by any stretch of the imagination, Vogue is just an insanely catchy song. And the video is an amazing example of cinematography. Credit where credit is due. In her prime, Madonna had it going on.

    More on topic though, Perry is just another sideshow attraction in the conservative carnival. Some of them are there just to make other barkers look better, others are there just to swindle a few unlucky carnival goers. Jeb is the main attraction. We can only hope his show turns out to be a flop.

  • Michael Heath

    Perry: That’s brilliant. Brilliant! No wonder I pay you guys the big bucks. But a lot of people also think I’m just a shallow pretty boy with metrosexual tendencies, which isn’t gonna fly in the Republican party. How can we fix that problem?

    Well he already tried to also go with the Carhartt look, but failed by going metrosexual even on that pose: http://www.dallasvoice.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Perry3.jpg.

    Perry of course isn’t the first one to strike this pose though George Bush comes across more authentically: http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01568/ranch_1568397c.jpg.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    He was going to invite three SEALs, but forgot the third one. Oops.

  • dingojack

    themadtapper – :)

    Dingo

  • Michael Heath

    Ed reports:

    Retired Navy SEAL Marcus Luttrell, whose autobiography inspired the 2014 film Lone Survivor, will attend with his wife.

    I read Mr. Luttrell’s book; here’s my review: http://goo.gl/idKTDs.

    Lone Survivor was one of the most astonishingly dishonest books I’ve ever read. It was the first I read written by a vet talking about his military experiences where the author was a serial liar and a serial defamer.

    Mr .Luttrell deserves to go down in infamy for the biggest fuck-up in all Navy SEAL history.

  • dingojack

    MH – ‘But apart from that, Mrs Lincoln…’

    :) Dingo

  • llewelly

    Rick Perry organized the most successful Days of Prayer for Rain in US history. He should win.

  • Synfandel

    A bride puts her bridesmaids in ugly dresses so that she will look better in her gown. So how does Perry figure he’ll look more manly surrounded by icons of testosterone?

  • colnago80

    Considering the very substantial scuttlebutt that Perry is a switch hitter, having to do with an alleged relationship with his administrative assistant during his governorship days, metrosexual may be an understatement.

  • colnago80

    Re llewelly @ #18

    Well, the Big Guy waited 2 years to answer ole Rick.

  • http://dWhisper.net dWhisper

    Hmmm… I live in Addison. Do I go to see the clown car parade up close, or do I stay at home and laugh at him while also complaining about how (much more) awful the traffic is going to be because of it…

  • thebookofdave

    It’s more fun than NASCAR, which offers a lower probability of televising a spectacularly catastrophic wreck. The crowd will be watching Perry. This is not his first race to blow a seal on the track.

  • busterggi

    Okay Rick, where’s Jesse Ventura?

  • grumpyoldfart

    When he appears on stage with the SEALS his audience will cheer – and cheer – and cheer – and cheer. I’m betting at least two minutes before Perry can speak his first sentence – and then more cheers before he can speak his second sentence.

  • StevoR

    @ ^ grumpyoldfart : Then he’ll try for a third sentence but fail to deliver it forgetting his lines* – Oops!

    * Because he refuses an Obama-esque teleprompter even though he more than anyone badly needs it!

  • http://festeringscabofrealityblogspot.com fifthdentist

    They should parachute the SEALs in to the tune of “It’s Raining Men.” That should end all of the speculation.