Wingnut on Wingnut Crime: Herman Cain vs Rick Santorum

Rick Santorum officially announced his candidacy for the Republican presidential nomination and a writer on Herman Cain’s website named Robert Laurie is hilariously attacking Santorum for being unelectable. Dude, you work for Herman Cain, for crying out loud.

I may give Bernie Sanders a lot of flak for being unelectable, but I don’t want anyone to think Democrats have the market cornered when it comes to candidates with no chance of winning. Though he hasn’t announced, we assume Jeb Bush is going to seek the Republican nomination, and the party already has Mike Huckabee in the race. Now, it will have to deal with a doomed Rick Santorum candidacy as well.

Santorum made his announcement in a televised interview with pretend journalist George Stephanopoulos, and you can watch the clip below. To quickly sum it up, he’s angling to re-fight the values-and-morality campaign that failed him in 2008, and will have even less traction this time around.

….And that’s about it.

Does he bring anything to the table that hasn’t already been rejected? Nope…

Perhaps they’re making a desperate bid to remind people that they still exist. It could be that we’re simply watching a giant game of “me too” played by people who are terrified of being “left out.” Maybe it’s that they each have an army of yes men telling them they actually have a prayer of winning, when in reality they’ll just cannibalize each other and steal time from candidates who could genuinely go the distance.

Sweet, sweet irony. The website of the least electable candidate in recent history — though he did win me a $2500 bet with one of his advisers, who astonishingly thought he was going to win the nomination — is calling Rick Santorum unelectable. Herman Cain got a total of 13,603 votes in Republican primaries in 2012, less than a thousand more than Fred Karger (Who? Exactly.). Santorum got 3,932,069 votes. Hilarious.

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  • Doc Bill

    Santorum is unelectable which leads me to conclude that either Santorum is certifiably mentally ill, delusional, that he thinks he has a ghost of a chance, or thar’s gold to be made in that thar runnin’!

  • John Pieret

    Who is better than Cain and those who work for him to recognize a loser when they see one?

  • StevoR

    Well, I hate to agree with the right-winger and able ex-Cain man but he does have a point. Frothymix Santorum is fighting on the same shitty basis that failed last time and most likely will fail even worse this time round – and what does he bring to the table for the republicans that’s new now?

    I gather the old ‘Downfall’ movie clip meme has faded away now which is a pity because if ever there was a time to have old Stinky Frorthymix pictured chucking a tantie going “Nein! Nein! Nein!” ..

  • Trebuchet

    Wait, is he saying Jeb Bush is also unelectable? In spite of his name, he’s probably the most electable candidate they’ve got, by virtue of simply not coming across as bat-shit crazy.

  • StevoR

    @ ^ Trebuchet : Jeb has a lot of baggage named Dubya that is going to be awfully heavy to carry over that presidential race finishing tape first. I’d say the Repub candidates declared so far are all unelectable and to get in a position to even start they have to make themselves even more so. So yeah, Hillary Clinton practically has it in the bag. (Famous last words? Touch wood not. Not 100% guaranteed but I’d say about 85% so at least?) That’s my prediction now FWIW, all things going as expected which, well, we’ll see in a years or so’s time.

  • raven

    he’s probably the most electable candidate they’ve got, by virtue of simply not coming across as bat-shit crazy.

    Probably true.

    1. After the last GOP clown circus, the few adults in the GOP ended up in desperation, choosing a nonxian shapeshifting Reptilian, Romney. Really, a clown circus of Oogedy Boogedy xians and they ended up with a…Mormon Wall Streeter.

    2. It’s not obvious that this time, there are any adults left in the GOP. They could nominate one of the more or less interchangeable christofascists.

    3. While Jeb Bush is the closest they have to a normal person, that is still very far away.

    He isn’t any brighter than his idiot brother. He isn’t any less malevolent than his brother either. Do we really want to play, Let’s Wreck The USA Again, Part II?

  • Michael Heath

    Robert Laurie writes:

    Maybe it’s that they [un-electable candidates] each have an army of yes men telling them they actually have a prayer of winning,

    Or perhaps God’s telling these candidates to run because he likes fucking with them.

    You can hardly blame candidates like Rick Santorum. George W. Bush won the presidency twice. The GOP unanimously nominated Sarah Palin as its 2008 VP candidate. It’s hard to reach a lower standard then Bush 2004 and Palin 2008. Yet few would predict those lows won’t happen again. Why can’t they hit lightning in the bottle? At least when it comes to ultimately angling for the VP spot.

  • D. C. Sessions

    So granted that the only thing that the current Republicans have to offer is “we’re not Democrats, and in particular we’re not a woman named Clinton,” why not spool up the negative campaining machinery now rather than later?

    At least none of them color their hair.

  • Al Dente

    Dude, you work for Herman Cain, for crying out loud.

    So he’s an expert at recognizing non-electable candidates.

  • Trebuchet

    @6, Raven:

    He isn’t any brighter than his idiot brother. He isn’t any less malevolent than his brother either. Do we really want to play, Let’s Wreck The USA Again, Part II?

    Something approaching half of us do, yes.

    On further reflection, Chris Christie also doesn’t come across as overly insane. He might be electable, but probably not nominatable.

  • Al Dente

    Trebuchet @10

    Chris Christie also doesn’t come across as overly insane.

    He better not do any campaigning in northern New Jersey, especially the Ft. Lee area.

  • whheydt

    Re: Trebuchet @ #10…

    Actually….that’s the Republican problem. Anyone who can get nominated (and in order to so, they have to cater to the crazies) can’t get elected, and vice versa.

  • drken

    @Al Dente #11:

    Speaking as someone in the Ft. Lee area, we never voted for him anyway. Which is why the whole “bridge-gate” thing happened in the first place. There are also issues of him abusing his expense account and not reporting it to the IRS. Not to mention the slow job growth and stealing of transit funds. He’s not a popular guy in the Garden State anymore.

    But, the whole Republican primary circus has little to do with actually becoming President and everything to do with self-promotion. It’s about getting your name out there so you can go on the lucrative, conservative speaking circuit and get a sweet gig as a Fox News contributor.

  • John Pieret

    There is another non-batshit-crazy Republican who has announced: George Pataki (I know, “who?”) but he was a three term Republican governor of a very blue state, New York. And his very lack of name recognition might be of some help. Unlike Bush (“my brother is my foreign policy advisor”) and Christie (thanks President Obama for Sandy aid and I don’t care if I say it the week before the GOP convention”), he can portray himself to the saner wing of the Republican party as a “true conservative” who can appeal to moderates. Whether that will be enough now that the wingnut faction has seen McCain and Romney go down in flames (for the alleged “sin” of not being conservative enough) is another matter.

  • captainoblivious

    Santorum got nearly 4 million votes?

    Anyway. It’s going to be Bush V Clinton again, with the same result as last time. In the meantime, let’s all enjoy the Republicrat Clown Car. This is going to be hilarious.

  • vereverum

    @ #5 #15

    .

    In the words of Thomas E. Dewey, 34th President of the United States….

  • pixiedust

    Did anyone else notice that the Cain guy didn’t even get the year right? He kept referring to 2008.

  • pixiedust

    Saw a good political cartoon about Pataki. He said “my name isn’t Bush and I’m not crazy.”

  • drken

    @John Pieret #14

    Pataki probably figured that with Christie imploding, the “GOP Governor from Blue State” slot is open. Also, Christie named a Muslim to the State Supreme Court, so it’s not like he ever had a shot to begin with.

  • John Pieret

    the “GOP Governor from Blue State” slot is open

    Yeah, if either Christie or Pataki can get the nomination (big ifs) they would present big problems for Hillaty, who would have to spend big in the northeast, that is usually a given for Democratic nominees.

  • marcus

    My bet is on Scott Walker for the nomination. I am cynical enough to believe that the candidate with the most money will get it. He sucked a lot of Koch for that money.

    I am optimistic enough to hope that it won’t be adequate to buy the presidency.

  • carpenterman

    I hearby announce that I shall be seeking the Republican nomination for the Presidential election of 2016.

    What? I have just as much chance as Santorum. And more than Herman Cain.

  • StevoR

    @21. marcus : “I am optimistic enough to hope that it won’t be adequate to buy the presidency.”

    Yep. Rmoney redux – Mittens couldn’t buy the Presidency is the precedent here.

    @ 20. John Pieret : Yes – Pataki or Christie are, well, the least unelectable Republican possibilities I think and also the least likely to get the nod to run given the Tea party and far rightwingers have so much sway.

    In other news seems the Democratic party has another contender as well :

    Former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley has announced he will seek the Democratic Party’s 2016 presidential nomination on Saturday, as he blasted social injustice and Wall Street excesses. “We cannot rebuild the American Dream here at home by catering to the voices of the privileged and the powerful,” Mr O’Malley said.

    He launched his 2016 White House campaign at a waterfront park in downtown Baltimore, where he began his political career first as a member of city council and then as mayor.

    Source : http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-05-31/with-tough-words-for-wall-st-omalley-launches-white-house/6509590

  • scienceavenger

    The big difference between Cain and Santorum: Cain played an idiot, Santorum is an idiot.