The Rock is a Biblical Prophet

Larry Tomczak, wingnut extraordinaire, went to see Duane “The Rock” Johnson’s new adventure movie San Andreas and goes all Siskel and Ebert on it. He loved the film, but mostly because he thinks it is a prophetic warning about the impending end times.

The massive destruction portrayed in the film, Tomczak said in a video commentary for Charisma Magazine today, is just a taste of what the world can expect when the End Times arrive soon.

“Jesus gave warning also about pestilence and diseases,” Tomczak said. “Think about airborne Ebola and the porous southern border. Is it going to take another stock market crash, global economic collapse? All of these things are present day realities. Do we see the handwriting on the wall that we are at an apocalyptic unprecedented tipping point? ”

“The Book of Revelation, in chapter 9, says there will be a cataclysmic event that will kill a third of mankind,” he continued. “Now Jesus Christ predicted fearful events, a time of punishment, men’s hearts failing them with fear and maybe believe 9/11 was our wake up call, but we’ve hit the snooze alarm.”

“We need to awaken to the reality that America has forgotten God,” he concluded. “We’ve drifted and it’s time to turn back to him. The clock is ticking.”

I don’t find anything about such movies terrifying, or the least bit interesting. If they really want to portray plagues and pestilence, they’ll make another movie with Carrot Top or the Wayans brothers.

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  • John Pieret

    Upon this rock I will build my church? …

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Think about airborne Ebola…

    Airborne isn’t a method of transmission for humans

     

    …and the porous southern border.

    Yes, that includes Mexicans.

  • The Other Lance

    Teh Stupid, It Burns! The movie, the critic, all of it. It burns….

  • Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    Airborne isn’t a method of transmission for humans

    Now, that’s simply not true. Delta transmitted me via the air from Cleveland to Boston just last week. Although I’ll grant that the process wasn’t an enjoyable one.

  • eric

    I don’t think a San Andreas fault earthquake would kill a third of all humankind. After all, Oregonians and some Washingtonians count as human too. Heck I’ll even count Nevada, excluding Vegas.

  • Larry Kearney

    If they really want to portray plagues and pestilence, they’ll make another movie with Carrot Top or the Wayans brothers

    Or Adam Sandler, if you really want to make the Prince of Darkness appear.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000263140906 Donovan

    Actually, the Bible was true about this point. Disease and plague heralded the end times and killed millions of Native Americans, who were all transported to heaven as the true people of God. White, Christian Europeans were worshiping the wrong Jesus and didn’t make the cut. It’s the only sensible reading of the billions of verses hidden between the lines.

  • whheydt

    For all the Hollywood love of disaster flicks, from what I’ve read about it, the science behind the movie is seriously flawed…to be charitable. I had to laugh the first time I saw the shot of the tsunami heading for the Golden Gate Bridge. Anyone who thinks that could happen (and especially with the San Andreas being the fault involved) has never looked at a chart of the water just outside the Gate and thought about what would happen to any tsunami approaching from open ocean.

    If they want to destroy a mainland US city with a tsunami, they should have used the Jaun de Fuca thrust fault (which IS capable of generating a R9 quake) and taken out Portland, OR. On the other hand, if they want to use water to devastate cities around SF Bay, they should have a seiche in the bay, but the concept of a seiche is probably beyond the script writers, let alone the viewers.

  • claytoncar

    These people masturbate over this shit. They get off on their god murdering everybody they don’t like.

  • theDukedog7 .

    Biblical apocalypse nuts are pikers compared to Global Warming apocalypse nuts. And at least the biblical folks aren’t corrupting science with their scam.

    ’50 million climate refugees… rising oceans… the earth is burning up… ice caps melting…’

    Heh.

  • theDukedog7 .

    Pesticides…DDT… !!!

    Who cares if 60 million people in developing countries died of malaria because of the DDT ban!

    Science means never having to say you’re sorry.

  • colnago80

    I see that the mother fuckken lying goatfuckking piece of filth, Egnorance, is back with his usual lies. In particular, the big lie that the great reduction in the use of DDT had anything to do with anything. DDT was becoming ineffective in controlling mosquitoes because of evolution, you know, the theory that fuckface Egnorance denies. Mosquitoes were becoming immune to DDT via natural selection and hence the decline of its use would have taken place if Rachel Carson had died in 1950, long before she wrote Silent Spring. There is nothing mysterious about this phenomena, various diseases are developing immunity to antibiotics via the same mechanism. Natural selection is more powerful then Egnorance’s lies.

  • grumpyoldfart

    He should reposition his autocue. He doesn’t quite look right while he is reading.

    I love the ending:

    The clock … … … is ticking.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AGy0QfuDQM

  • Synfandel

    People like Larry Tomczak make us Canadians worry about the “porous southern border”.

  • dan4

    @10: A virgin getting pregnant, a sea somehow managing to part, an individual being resurrected from the dead (which is pretty much a contradiction in terms since a “dead” person being “resurrected” wasn’t dead to begin with), a global flood,….yeah, it’s a a good thing biblical folks don’t “corrupt science.”

  • dan4

    By the way, I doubt even the the most fanatical global warming believer believe that gw will “kill a third of mankind.”

  • dan4

    @16: “believes,”…not “believe.”

  • culuriel

    Duane Johnson also did a biopic of Hercules. Does that make the Greek gods real?

  • http://www.pandasthumb.org Area Man

    “Think about airborne Ebola and the porous southern border.”

    Why is it that wingnuts think that every time a disease or terrorist comes here from Africa or the Middle East, they first stop off for a vacation in Mexico?

    Never mind, rhetorical question.

    Is it going to take another stock market crash, global economic collapse?

    Yeah, just how many of these things need to happen without the End Times occurring before you realize that they’re a sign of the End Times?

    All of these things are present day realities.

    With the exception of the airborne Ebola, the stock market crash, and the global economic collapse.

  • Kermit Sansoo

    DukeDog7 says: stupid stuff

    .

    Yes, the oceans are rising, although it will likely be some decades before it rises more than a meter. That alone will cause devastation in coastal cities when the jet stream stalls out and a storm drops 25 cm or so of rain plus a 3 or 4 meter surge on ’em. There are already millions of climate refugees; New Orleans alone produced tens of thousands (hundreds?), and things are just beginning to heat up. Sao Paulo has 20 million people in its metropolitan area, and they have almost no water. What do they do when there is none whatsoever, except panic and die, or leave? Yes, the Arctic ice cap is melting at an alarming rate – it is currently at a record low for this time of year. I’m glad you’re paying attention.

    .

    If you understood basic science the world would not be such a scary and baffling place for you. Although the danger is difficult to avoid when idiots like you ignore the most informed of us and instead give all of your money and attention to the most greedy and self serving of us.

  • whheydt

    Something to bear in mind about elevations, particularly for coastal cities. You have to take into account the “metric”. That is, what do you mean by “sea level”?

    On the East and Gulf Coasts of the US, the metric is “mean low water”. That is, the average of all low tide levels. This means that most of the time, the actual level of sea surface is *above* “sea level”, and some of the time it is below. On the West Coast of the US, it’s worse because the metric is “mean lower low water”, which means that the “sea level” is the average of the lower of the two low tides each day, making “sea level” even higher (on average) than on the East or Gulf Coasts.

    to cite the specific example I’m most familiar with, San Francisco Bay, we get tides that range–roughly–from -1.5 feet to +7 feet at the Golden Gate. The level can go higher when there has been a major rain storm or rapid melt and runoff from the watershed for the Sacramento River, but that’s the typical range.

    So…if an area has an elevation of, say, 5 feet, a high tide can put it under a couple of feet of water. No go look at a topographic map of South Florida or the Gulf Coast. See where the high tide will reach even with a relatively modest increase in sea level. Then, just for fun, take a look at the effect of adding a 15 to 20 foot storm surge on top of a flood tide.

  • theDukedog7 .

    @Froggie #20:

    [Yes, the oceans are rising… devastation in coastal cities… millions of climate refugees… things are just beginning to heat up… panic and die, or leave… Arctic ice cap is melting at an alarming rate…]

    The end is near. Run! Run!

    Just contribute a little more to Al Gore’s hedge fund, and do exactly what scientists say, and no one gets hurt.

    It’s noteworthy that this climate “apocalypse” is happening without warming–18 years and still no warming at all. So if we have “devastation in costal cities… millions of climate refugees… melting ice caps… dead polar bears… whatever…” we have them in the absence of warming, which sort of disproves your “hypothesis”. Your models are a joke, like your “science”.

    I am still sorting through all of your batshit predictions about eugenic catastrophes from fecundity of the feeble-minded masses, and you batshit hysteria about DDT (by banning it you killed 60 million poor people in Africa and Asia), and about your batshit overpopulation hysteria (“80 million Americans will starve by 1980, India will never feed herself, England will disappear by 2000, the quest to feed humanity is over…) that led directly to China’s totalitarian one-child policy and the femicide of 100 million girls in Asia.

    I am so preoccupied by your historical crimes against humanity that I can’t seem to find time to take you seriously anymore.

    You frauds are lower than scum. Shove your science apocalypses up your ass. You have blood on your hands.

  • dingojack

    Lil’ DookieDawg – still trotting out the same old well-debunked ‘facts’ (or should one say, more accurately, unsupported assertions) in the vain hope of a different outcome? (What’s that meme about the definition of ‘madness’ again?)

    The result? Nope, the tide’s still coming in.

    Dingo

  • colnago80

    Re Egnorance @ #22

    I am still sorting through all of your batshit predictions about eugenic catastrophes from fecundity of the feeble-minded masses, and you batshit hysteria about DDT (by banning it you killed 60 million poor people in Africa and Asia),

    Fuckface Egnorance follows the advice of Josef Goebbels,, keep repeating the big lie over and over and people will come to believe it. DDT was becoming ineffective in controlling mosquitoes because of them acquiring resistance to it via natural selection. Just like any number of germs are acquiring resistance to antibiotics. As they say, liar liar pants on fire.

    You frauds are lower than scum. Shove your science apocalypses up your ass. You have blood on your hands.

    Ah gee, says the lying mother fucker Egnorance.