Beck: Perry Prayer Rally Fixed the Texas Drought

Brayton’s law: There is nothing so gobsmackingly stupid that it won’t be said by some Christian righter. Corollary: Chances are good that it will be Glenn Beck. He says that the massive flooding going on in Texas right now, which appears to have ended the years-long drought, is all due to Rick Perry’s 2011 prayer rally.

Beck explained that it had also rained nearly every day while he was on vacation at his ranch in Idaho, which he attributed to the fact that local residents began to fast for rain a few weeks ago.

“Five weeks ago, they had a fast for rain because they were in a drought,” Beck said. “And it started raining five weeks ago.”

Similarly, Beck said, the state of Texas began to work it way out of its drought after Perry prayed for rain back in 2011, which is a position shared by a number of other Religious Right activists.

“We started ending that drought with that fast,” he said. “He was mocked for it and he went ahead and did it and that was the beginning of the end of the drought. We started having rain right after that, and this state was a desert.”

Here’s a pesky little fact: No, that was not the beginning of the end of the drought in Texas. In fact, after Perry’s April, 2011 prayer rally, the drought got dramatically worse. By the fall of that year, nearly five times as much of that state was under the most severe drought conditions than there was in April of that year. At that time, 17% of the state was under “exceptional drought” conditions, 53% in extreme drought and 24% was in severe drought. A month later, 44% was in exceptional drought, 35% extreme and 13% severe. by August 2, just before the big stadium prayer rally, 73% of the state was in exceptional drought, 18% extreme and 7% severe. One month after the prayer rally, 88% of the state was in exceptional drought, 9% extreme and 2% severe. On October 4, the results were identical.

And seriously, this is what he thinks is God’s answer to prayer? To keep the drought going for another four years, then “fixing” it with incredible flooding that has killed a great many people and done enormous damage to infrastructure and the economy? Gee thanks, God, how about you stay the hell out of it next time?

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  • http://twitter.com/#!/TabbyLavalamp Tabby Lavalamp

    Don’t you see? The flooding not only proves that prayer (eventually) works, it (eventually) works too well!

  • MarcusC

    Does this mean Perry is liable for the numerous deaths caused by the flooding?

    Or maybe there is only flooding because of The Gay and the prayer rally was a failure.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    And seriously, this is what he thinks is God’s answer to prayer? To keep the drought going for another four years, then “fixing” it with incredible flooding that has killed a great many people and done enormous damage to infrastructure and the economy?

    To be fair, being Omnipresent means God’s all thumbs.

  • http://composer99.blogspot.ca composer99

    I had thought once or twice of resorting to morbid humour and cracking a joke on Facebook echoing Beck’s claim (without sharing Beck’s apparent seriousness (*)).

    But I decided not to, because people have suffered and died, and that would be something of an asshole move on my part, as a non-Texan, to make light of it.

    Ironically, the only thing more asshole-y than jokingly suggesting God had finally answered Texan prayers for rain is seriously suggesting it. Who knew?

    (*) I’m not convinced that Beck is sincere; he could well be a bullshitter in intent as well as in word.

  • https://www.facebook.com/george.peterson.73 George Peterson

    Plus, of course, the rains and flooding haven’t really ended the drought. It’s just a temporary thing and once the Sun comes out and dries up all the rain, they’ll be right back to the water shortages.

  • footface

    So, God’s like some asshole genie who takes the wording of your wishes reeeeeally literally

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    George Peterson “It’s just a temporary thing and once the Sun comes out and dries up all the rain, they’ll be right back to the water shortages.”

    More importantly, the itsy bitsy spider will climb up the spout again.

  • scienceavenger

    If our flooding is the result of Perry praying to God, the obvious message from God is “STFU”.

  • bahrfeldt

    Perry and his coven, like Pat Robertson’s gang praying and turning a hurricane that looked like it was heading to Christian Virginia up to heathen Long Island, were praying to their true Lord, the prince of the powers of the air, Satan. Who else would control the weather, their other lord, Mammon?

  • otrame

    BTW, the first time it rained in Texas after Perry’s prayer rally was months later, during the big Atheist convention in Houston.

    @George Peterson

    Just what I was going to say. That flood did not end the drought. We get big floods in Central and South Texas all the time. It is the most flood-prone area of the US. Usually they are centered a little further south, down in San Antonio. There is a reason why they built a huge earthen dam that usually has no water behind it (1930s), straightened the San Antonio River so it would dump as much water as quickly as possible (1950-70s), and dug two 26′ tunnels that funnel water from the northern part of town under the city to the southern end of town (1990s). Incidentally, they hadn’t quite finished the last little touches to that tunnel system when it paid for itself. The flood in 1998 was so bad that the Olmos dam (which is just north of downtown) was very nearly topped, even though they had the floodgates wide open, flooding part of the city. If that dam had gone, downtown would have gone. All of it. Without the tunnels we would probably still be trying to rebuild the Riverwalk.

    And that wasn’t even the worst flood in the past 100 years. There was a worse one in the 1970s, centered slightly east of San Antonio. These floods are singular events, caused by a combination of things, including weather patterns, and especially the shape of the land, the fact that there is little soil development on top of limestone around here. These kinds of floods do not break droughts. Now the very wet early summer we’ve had here DID break the drought. Rain over a period of 6 weeks or more broke the drought, not that single rain event. And the last time we had a wet summer it stopped raining in August and didn’t rain again at all until the next spring.

  • moarscienceplz

    To be fair, being Omnipresent means God’s all thumbs.

    Oh great, Modus. Now I have to clean coffee spew off my monitor.

    😉

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    moarscienceplz worse, being Omniscient means He should know better.

  • Artor

    Fuckin’ cause & effect. How does it work?

  • Lofty

    Fuckin’ cause & effect. How does it work?

    Simples. Beck opens mouth, bilge flows out, money flows in.

  • dingojack

    Lofty – and never a worthwhile communication, you can’t explain that!

    Dingo

  • felidae

    Maybe Beck’s god is just hard of hearing so the prayers took a long time to be heard

  • grumpyoldfart

    We report, you believe.

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    Because opinion matters more than fact.

    Hard news made easy.

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