Wingnuts to Send Focused Prayer at Justice Kennedy

And we have yet another gathering at the Supreme Court to pray that God will change the minds of the justices in the same-sex marriage cases, especially Justice Kennedy since he’s the key vote. This time it’s being led by “Coach” Dave Daubenmire, who will no doubt bring at least half a dozen people with him.

As Daubenmire told radio host Chuck Wilder yesterday, his Salt and Light Brigade hopes to organize prayer rallies all over America to take place at the same time in order to “focus their guns at the same target” and “punch a hole in the heavenlies.”

“We’re going to have a solemn assembly of prayer and repentance, asking God, please God, help us rescue marriage,” Daubenmire said. “And we’re going to totally focus on Justice Kennedy, we believe he is the swing vote, and we’re just going to ask the Lord to forgive us of our sins and turn the heart of Justice Kennedy that he might see the error of his ways and protect marriage.”

Not everyone will be able to join Daubenmire outside the Supreme Court for this rally, he realizes, which is why he is asking for people to organize rallies of their own to take place at the same time in order to increase the power of their prayer effort, likening it to hundreds of people gathering with Super Soaker squirt guns and focusing their aim all on the same spot instead of just spraying in all directions.

“Concentrated, focused prayer” is what Daubenmire needs, he said. “We’re going to focus all of our power in the same direction rather than just sporadically squirting our guns up in the air.”

Yeah, this isn’t just your run-of-the-mill prayer, this is concentrated, focused prayer. I’m sure that’s at least 500% more effective than the mundane variety, but then I seem to remember something about the pointlessness of multiplying by zero. But here’s my question: After they get done with this “concentrated, focused prayer” and Kennedy and the Supreme Court still go against them, will they admit that prayer doesn’t work? Or that God is against them and supports equality? I’m gonna take a wild guess that the answer will be no.

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  • Chiroptera

    “Concentrated, focused prayer” is what Daubenmire needs, he said.

    I tried that on ants when I was a kid. Burnt them into tiny cinders.

  • Synfandel

    “…concentrated, focused prayer…

    A laser requires coherent light. A praser, one might assume, would require coherent prayer. I doubt that such a thing exists.

  • Mr Ed

    Outwardly they say that God is the supreme being, all knowing creator of the universe but their actions are more like shamanism where the right ritual can manipulate the divine. They also bring into question the idea of free will if God can influence Justice Kennedy. I wonder if their God predestined some people to be attracted to others of their own gender.

  • whheydt

    What I want to know is what do you use to focus prayer? And what is the diffraction limit for how small a spot you can focus it on? Finding out the actual power density of focused prayer would also be interesting to know, which–of course–would mean having some device that measures the energy contained in prayer. I really doubt that anyone has any instruments that can measure that low, though.

  • John Pieret

    likening it to hundreds of people gathering with Super Soaker squirt guns and focusing their aim all on the same spot instead of just spraying in all directions.

    … or those communal urinals you used to find in sports stadiums.

    Now the question I have is are they praying to God or Kennedy? After all, God is everywhere, isn’t he? But they are focusing on Kennedy. Is there a part of God right around Kennedy that they are aiming at or what?

    Not that I expect any cogent explanation from a moron like Daubenmire.

  • llewelly

    He’s thinking of how many clicks it will concentrate on his [Donate] button.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    It’s tough to focus prayer, since no matter how the prayerer orients the mirror, the mirror always faces the prayerer.

     

    “And we’re going to totally focus on Justice Kennedy, we believe he is the swing vote, and we’re just going to ask the Lord to forgive us of our sins and turn the heart of Justice Kennedy that he might see the error of his ways and protect marriage.”

    God is the most powerful being in the universe, and they’re wasting His power on the low hanging fruit?

  • Synfandel

    I hope Coach Dave has warned them not to cross the streams.

  • http://www.thelosersleague.com theschwa

    This is unfair!! Who do we get to call upon to influence the outcomes of events!!? Darwin? Spiderman? Man, forget this nonsense. I am becoming a Scientologist. At least then I will get super powers…

  • http://www.thelosersleague.com theschwa

    @ Chiroptera (#1)

    Well, if Kennedy bursts into flames in the next few days, we will know why.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    … we believe he is the swing vote…

    From my limited research, it seems that support for sexual marriage restrictions polls rather low among swingers.

  • Larry

    Maybe if they spread their fingers and pointed them at the SC, like wizards do just before they shoot lightning bolts out their fingertips, they could increase the prayer potency by many, many decibels. Plus, it will direct the prayer particles in the right direction. Omni-directional prayers just get spread too thin.

    Chanting the prayers in Elvish might also help.

  • tbp1

    Even when I was a believer I had difficulty with the idea of intercessory prayer, for at least a couple of reasons. First of all it seemed weird to me that God won’t do the right thing, supposedly the very thing he wants to do, until he is begged to do so in just the right way by the right number of people. 999,999.999 people begging for famine relief—sorry, you need one more! And what if that magic number begs for a bad thing? Is he obligated to do it?

    Second, doesn’t God, being all omniscient and stuff, already know, infallibly, with no possibility of error, what, if anything he’s going to do about a given situation?

  • grumpyoldfart

    The worst part is that some of those judges are probably praying too; asking god what is the right thing to do. There are dickheads everywhere and in America they’re all Christian.

  • deepak shetty

    , will they admit that prayer doesn’t work? Or that God is against them and supports equality?

    My wife’s church tried to get the sheepbelievers to pledge to donate some ridiculous amount of money to meet the arch diocese target of raising 65 million for some vague reason. I asked why she didnt reply -“I’ll pray that you meet the target” instead of considering whether to donate – Didnt go down too well.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    grumpyoldfart “There are dickheads everywhere and in America they’re all Christian.”

    To be fair, there are plenty of dickheads in America who aren’t Christian. It’s not an exclusive club.

  • caseloweraz

    “Concentrated, focused prayer” is what Daubenmire needs, he said. “We’re going to focus all of our power in the same direction rather than just sporadically squirting our guns up in the air.”

    No doubt “concentrated, focused prayer” is up to 100 percent effective (as the commercials used to say.)

    Still, since Satan is the prince of the powers of the air, squirting prayer into the air must have done some good, amirite?

  • http://Reallyawakeguy.blogspot.com somnus

    If you actually believed prayer worked, wouldn’t this be highly unethical? It’s basically an attempt to mind-control someone, overriding their will and replacing it with your own.

  • Johnny Vector

    “…rather than just sporadically squirting our guns up in the air.”

    I know, right? That is such a letdown after shoving our agenda down your throat.

  • http://festeringscabofrealityblogspot.com fifthdentist

    “After they get done with this ‘concentrated, focused prayer’ and Kennedy and the Supreme Court still go against them, will they admit that prayer doesn’t work? ”

    No, if the Supreme Court votes for Sodomy-based marriage, God is going to immediately destroy America/the earth/the entire universe and everything (depending on whose prophecy you believe), so there will be no time for them to admit anything.

    This is a dilemma. The Bible says when two people (or three?) gather and pray in Jesus’ name then it will happen, even up to moving a mountain. But if that’s true, then there’s no such thing as free will as any two (or three?) people can gang up on anyone else and make him do something he would never do of his own free will. This must be what happened to Dennis Hastert.

  • John Hinkle

    “Concentrated, focused prayer” is what Daubenmire needs, he said. “We’re going to focus all of our power in the same direction rather…”

    God is omnipresent so what are they going to focus on?

  • blf

    Besides just how is fantasy voices in your head focused, just what is being focused? And what is it measured in?

    Perhaps there are WOO particles, emitted by great sky faeries, which are attracted to credulous minds by the breeze blowing through their ears. “Focusing” the incoming stream of WOO is aligning yourself so the stream enters one ear, flies unimpeded through the empty braincase, and out the other ear. That’s sort-of a double-pinhole camera, so I’d image the outgoing WOO stream is now more coherent (in a physics / optics sense, not an logical sense). If you get the alignment just right, the outgoing more-coherent or “focused” stream could then, eventually, collide with Mr Kennedy.

    Of course, that assumes bodies are, in general, opaque to WOO streams. So you’d probably need a clear path, not only from the great sky faerie to the input ear, but also from the output ear to the target. And is perhaps why less-nutty people can’t do it (and conclude it’s all quite silly), the brain, cobwebs, and other inhabitants of the braincase are also opaque to WOO streams.

    “Opaque”, however, doesn’t mean unaffected. Various sorts of WOO are known to penetrate various brains and affect / destroy thought processes. The effect seems to be cumulative, with more and more destruction occurring over time. This is called “crank magnetism”.

    I just that means WOO is measured in Cranks. Or is that a measurement of the damage done by WOO?

  • blf

    Oh for feck’s sake: I just that means… → I guess that means…

  • Moon Jaguar

    #20

    fifthdentist, your last sentence wins you the interwebs for today. Awesome!

  • RickR

    “to increase the power of their prayer effort, likening it to hundreds of people gathering with Super Soaker squirt guns and focusing their aim all on the same spot instead of just spraying in all directions.”

    Holy shit. Christianists rail against the evil atheists and secularists for trying to destroy christianity, but who can do a better job of it than another asshole believer??

    Seriously, all we have to do is sit back and watch them do it and laugh….

  • Lady Mondegreen

    Chanting the prayers in Elvish might also help

    Nah. Elbereth is totes pro SSM.

    “punch a hole in the heavenlies.”

    That doesn’t sound like something Yahweh would enjoy, unless he’s into kink.

    Oh, right.

  • http://ahcuah.wordpress.com/ ahcuah

    You know, at this point, the Supreme Court has already voted, and the opinions have already been written. We’re just waiting for the Supreme Court to release the opinions.

    So, you think these focused prayers will magically change the words on the paper?

  • whheydt

    Re: ahcuah @ #27…

    I’ll concede that the vote has probably taken place, though that is by no means a certainty. I’m not nearly so sure that the opinion has been written. I think it more likely that it is in the process of being written and there might well be some internal wrangling over exactly what parts of it will say.

  • http://ahcuah.wordpress.com/ ahcuah

    @whheydt.

    Here’s how the Supreme Court works: shortly after the oral argument, they vote (so not only has a vote “probably” taken place, it definitely has taken place). At that time the Chief Justice assigns the Justice who will write the official opinion. Then the opinion is written and circulated to the other Justices. That also prompts dissents and concurrences.

    Since the Supreme Court recesses at the end of June, those opinions are probably pretty close to done. Yes, there might be some wrangling remaining, but it is probably not significant. (Some of the wrangling is either to try to get a dissenter to join an opinion, or to ensure that an ally does not defect.)

    But I strongly suspect that on this case things are 99% done.