Fox News Host Wants First Amendment Suspended One Day a Year

Gretchen Carlson of Fox News has a real burr under her saddle: Festivus. The fake holiday made popular by the Seinfeld show has had her panties in a bunch for years and she went on an American Family Association radio show to say Festivus polls should not be allowed on public property with nativity scenes.

Carlson told host Kevin McCullough that a Festivus pole display in the Washington state capitol next to a Christmas tree was “outrageous,” adding: “I don’t want to have to drive around, eventually, years gone by with my kids looking at all the Nativity scenes during Christmas time and say, ‘Oh look kids, there’s the baby Jesus, way behind the Festivus pole, you can barely see him.’”

Carlson previously explained that she does not want to see a Festivus pole because “I’m all for free speech and free rights, just not on December 25th.”

I must have missed the small print on the First Amendment that said you have free speech except on this one day when Christians get to censor you and shut you out of the public square so their delicate fee fees don’t get hurt. That must be in the special King James Version of the Constitution that is on display in Bill O’Reilly’s office at Fox headquarters.

[soundcloud url=”https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/209549908″ params=”color=ff5500″ width=”100%” height=”166″ iframe=”true” /]

"You could make a case that the burning and hanging of witches and heretics was ..."

Swanson Thinks Burning Man Wants to ..."
"They want to burn "...literature with liberal, democratic tendencies / attitudes..."Presumably that includes the US ..."

White Supremacists Cancel Book Burning in ..."
"A toddler is a human being. It's not a full grown human being. But it ..."

The ‘We Should Just Ignore Them’ ..."
Follow Us!
POPULAR AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • wreck

    “Oh look kids, there’s the baby Jesus, way behind the Festivus pole, you can barely see him”

    That must be one tiny little baby Jesus to be hidden by a Festivus pole.

    Oh, and fuck these idiots that think they own any particular day or week or month or season. Celebrate your holidays however you want, just don’t expect me to do the same.

  • John Pieret

    “I’m all for free speech and free rights, just not on December 25th.”

    Oh, good! So we can make a law forbidding anyone from saying “Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Holidays” on the 25th?

  • Larry

    Does she object to the Feats of Strength as well?

  • tsig

    It would be nice if there was a day in the year we didn’t have to listen to Christian crap.

  • http://healthvsmedicine.blogspot.com cervantes

    Normally I respect people’s sensibilities if there’s no compelling reason not to, so I put up with the Christmas muzak in the restaurants and I go to the family celebration and I’m completely inoffensive, nor do I say anything obnoxious if people wish me a merry Christmas. Gretchen, however, is asking me to go out of my way to offend her. Should I ever have the opportunity (highly unlikely) I will be sure to do so.

  • eric

    “I don’t want to have to drive around, eventually, years gone by with my kids looking at all the Nativity scenes during Christmas time and say, ‘Oh look kids, there’s the baby Jesus, way behind the Festivus pole, you can barely see him.’”

    Eventually years gone by? I agree with you, I don’t want to drive around in the future past either.

    Oh well, I guess this is progress. 30-40 years ago the same people would’ve been saying the same thing about big menorahs on the state capitol grounds. At least now they’re only being bigoted against a fictional group of people.

  • claytoncar

    The War on Christmas. In June. FOX=WTF

  • Pierce R. Butler

    Seinfeld himself hasn’t provided any useful contributions lately either.

  • zenlike

    Once again, right-wing christians showing that they are in fact the ones asking for special privileges.

  • tbrandt

    I agree that the First Amendment should be suspended for one day a year, but it should be March 13 in honor of L Ron Hubbard’s birthday. Ask Greta Van Susteren what she thinks. Did you know that Jesus is an alien implant?

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    You know, for people who don’t celebrate Festivus, they sure are good with the Airing of Grievances.

  • scienceavenger

    Jesus H. Christ on a Festivus pole, IT. WAS. A. JOKE. It’s not real.

    What’s next, a GOP presidential candidate taking the satirical notion of “self-deportation” seriously?

  • Mr Ed

    Did some body just see the movie The Purge and think that Christmas would be a good day to get rid of those who don’t think this is a Christian nation.

    On a more positive note, like Christmas tree before it the Festivus pole will be incorporated into Christmas tradition.

  • raven

    Oh gee.

    The War on the War on Xmas gets earlier and earlier every year. Summer hasn’t even started yet!!!

    Oh well, whatever. Just don’t forget the War on Halloween. At least you can mix and match your Halloween and Xmas decorations now. That all Zombie Nativity scene will work for both.

  • howardhershey

    If she wants to see a Nativity scene unspoiled by Festivus poles, all she has to do is find the many churches that display them *on their property* every year and not bother to look for the ones on *the people’s public property*.

  • moarscienceplz

    I’m all for free speech and free rights, just not on December 25th.

    This has an extra dose of irony because what many historians consider the turning point in the Revolutionary War, the Battle of Trenton, was won by George Washington because he invaded on Christmas. While the Hessians were busy having a Christmas party, Washington ordered his troops to cross the freezing cold Delaware river and attack. Such disrespect for Baby Jesus!

  • Reginald Selkirk

    Festivus polls

    I’d vote for that!

  • Synfandel

    Okay, but the ban on Festivus poles ends as soon as someone pins Gretchen Carlson in a wrestling match.

  • Sastra

    The real horror of the Festivus pole is how it takes away from the gravity and sanctity of Santa and his reindeer, elves, Frosty the Snowman, the Grinch, sparkly trees, gingerbread houses, Charles Dickens villages, and Susie Snowflake.

    If you wanted to keep your holiday holy you should have insisted on making sure it co-opted nothing from paganism or any other culture and instead remained pure and private in your churches. So say the rest of us.

  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    Did this Fox dimwit watch too many repeats of “The Purge” by any chance? That kinda sounds like the plot-line he’s borrowing: one day where no one has any rights and you can do anything you want to anyone you want (or at least to anyone’s religious grounds or displays), and get away with it.

  • wpjoe

    Sounds like Gretchen has some grievances to air.

  • ebotebo

    A couple of oxford commas might make yer statement only a tad more eloquent.

  • ebotebo

    @#9

  • Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    Carlson previously explained that she does not want to see a Festivus pole because “I’m all for free speech and free rights, just not on December 25th.”

    See here: the only reason you have freedoms like free speech and free rights(?!?) is the baby jesus. So the only logical thing to do on the birthday of baby jesus is to take away those rights. That’s how you celebrate rights and the magical events that give rights to people: take them away.

    Banning the use of the baby jesus’ most precious gifts will certainly tell the baby jesus how much we love and appreciate those gifts!

    You go, Carlson. You go.

    Go on now.

    Shoo.