Mexico is Sending Illegal Demons to America!

A Catholic church in Mexico held a national exorcism recently, trying to drive the “demons” out of the country with a special ritual. This was done because of allegedly rampant crime and “sin” in that country, which are apparently both a cause and effect of the activity of “demons.”

For what is believed to be the first time ever in Mexico, an exorcism has been performed to chase demons from the entire nation.

According to a number of reports, the nationwide exorcism against demons blamed for crime and violence in Mexico was performed by Cardinal Juan Sandoval Íñiguez and other clergy, including a Spanish exorcist and demonologist, behind the close doors of the cathedral of San Luis Potosí.

Archbishop Jesús Carlos Cabrero explained the ritual as a “blessing for the people.”

But exorcist Fr. José Antonio Fortea said the purpose of the rite, known as the “Exorcismo Magno,” was to combat demons who “tempt” people as “sin increases more and more in a country.”

He described the effort as the “first ever carried out in Mexico … to exorcise the powers of darkness, not from a person, but from the whole country.”…

Catholic clergy have been highly critical of a rise in occult practices in Mexico, particularly the cult of Santa Muerte (Saint Death), which has been growing in recent years. Pope Francis had also blamed satanic forces for violence in Mexico in March, stating, “I think the devil is punishing Mexico with great fury” during an interview with Mexican television.

Oh sure, they drive all the demons out of Mexico and where are they gonna go? Here! They’re trying to infect America with demons! I see Donald Trump’s first big campaign issue. He’ll undoubtedly point out that he’ll come up with the greatest solution to the demon problem of anyone who has ever occupied the White House, because he’s rich and knows how to get deals done. I imagine the solution will involve making the demons build a big spiritual wall along our southern border and then sending them back to Mexico.

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  • John Pieret

    Elsewhere:

    Famous exorcist [cough] Father José Antonio Fortea, who helped perform the exorcism, told right-wing blog Breitbart the move was necessary because “undoubtedly the abortion, Satanism, corruption, the cult of ‘holy’ death and the legalization of sexual aberrations have caused great satanic infestation throughout Mexico.”

    What? Pedophile priests aren’t on the list of things causing satanic infestation?

  • raym

    Catholic clergy have been highly critical of a rise in occult practices in Mexico, and so they respond by performing an exorcism. Uh… my head hurts.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    A national exorcism? Problem solved!

  • John Pieret

    Will Sheriff Joe Arpaio be pulling over all demons and demanding proof that they are documented?

  • eric

    I’m upset. We have to import demons now? Does that mean we’ve lost our “most sinful nation” status? Say it ain’t so! USA! USA! USA! We export sin, byatches, we don’t import it!

    I’m also upset that the RCC paints their antagonists as such bumbling idiots. Surely any demon with even a modicum of sense would ride across the border in an old wealthy white male (or young pretty white female) US citizen returning from vacation. The idea that they’d hitch a ride in an illegal immigrant strikes me as a Hollywood-action-movie level of villainous stupidity.

  • busterggi

    How could Mexico have a problem with demons when they’d had El Santo fighting them for over fifty years?

    Sometimes even the assitance of El Demonio Azul!

  • Kermit Sansoo

    John Pieret says: Will Sheriff Joe Arpaio be pulling over all demons and demanding proof that they are documented?

    .

    Don’t be silly; how could he know? He’ll be pulling over anybody who looks demonic and demand to see their papers proving they’re innocent.

  • moarscienceplz

    I have a foolproof exorcism rite. It involves me swimming in a vault full of money while chanting the theme to Ducktales. After the rite is completed, all the money is tainted with malign satanic energy, so I will gather it up and take it to an undisclosed location for proper disposal. So who’s going to step up and provide me with the vital tools for this procedure? Come on, don’t be shy!

  • lldayo

    @4 John

    Will Sheriff Joe Arpaio be pulling over all demons and demanding proof that they are documented?

    Don’t be silly. They’re demons, not aliens. Demons are perfectly welcome in this country. Hell, we even elect them on a regular basis!

  • karmacat

    I’m thinking Donald Trump’s hair needs an exorcism. Perhaps I can start a business; Hair Exorcism. We will not only get rid of your demon hair but will also make you look fabulous!

  • marcus

    karmacat @ 10

    Your time might be better spent getting rid of the thing under the hair.

  • eric

    karmacat: Trump was really just the first victim of this exorcism. That thing on his head is clearly a Type 3B Mexican Hair Demon.

  • wreck

    “Exorcismo Magno”

    Dibs on Mexican Wrestler name.

  • eric

    “Exorcismo Magno”

    Dibs on Mexican Wrestler name.

    Nah. It’s the south-of-the-border Ad campaign for Bowflex.

  • grumpyoldfart

    It’s not just the ratbag Mexicans. There are are hundreds of millions of Catholics around the world who seriously believe that demons exist – and some of those idiotic people hold high positions in government departments.

  • Al Dente

    Illegal Demons

    There are legal demons?

  • Randomfactor

    Look, the only reason these demons are coming across the border is that there is work for them, jobs that American Citizen demons refuse to do for any amount of money.

    Like possessing Republican politicians. Thankless work in what must be hellish conditions.

  • http://www.facebook.com/charlie.cain chuck c

    Damned illegal demons! Taking jobs away from hard-working ‘murican demons! And infecting us with demonic ebola!

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    He described the effort as the “first ever carried out in Mexico … to exorcise the powers of darkness, not from a person, but from the whole country.”

    If that is true, I am amazed no one thought of it sooner. No wonder Mexico has such big problems.

    Ed, Donald Trump should join Mexico in this. He can sell it as a solution to the alleged illegal alien problem — if Mexico gets rid of its demons and sends them to the USA, the illegals will head back to Mexico and the Mexicans in Mexico will want to stay there.

  • Spew

    Well that’s just great… More demons on the dole, creating little anchor demons.

  • sezme

    Hey, hey, hey. What’s going on here. Have YOU seen any demons in Mexico lately? Huh? I thought so. Check mate, atheists.

  • dingojack

    No wonder those ‘illegals’ have calves like cantalopes! They’re all packed full of demons!

    Dingo

    ———

    No demons here, despite having a Catholic moron-in-charge. We banish them to Nauru, Cambodia or Indonesia. ‘We decide who comes to this country…’ @@

  • blf

    There are legal demons?

    More commonly known as politicians.

    Exorcising them is considerably more difficult than varieties, since making funny faces and going “uga bugga!” doesn’t work — perhaps because that is what they do much of the time…