Pat Boone Can Read Minds, Not Use His Very Well

When the Worldnetdaily gave Pat Boone — Pat Boone, for crying out loud — his own weekly column, you knew it was going go to produce comedy gold. He does not disappoint in his most recent column where he says there’s really no such thing as racism, only “evil.” But he starts with this bit of dumb:

Somebody has to say this … so I’ll say it.

Mr. President! For God’s sake, and America’s sake, quit so often calling crimes that involve a black person “racist”! As the president who came to office, a black man promising to bring people together, a man ideally suited for that job since you were born both black and white, you had a God-given chance to actually proclaim and demonstrate that racial divides and prejudice had greatly diminished and that our society was truly becoming colorblind.

Instead, both at home and, even more sadly, abroad, you have continued to bring up and confess America’s past record of racial prejudice and indicate we “still have issues to resolve” pertaining to race – as if your very presence as twice-elected president of the United States doesn’t proclaim loud and clear that we as a people have largely, though not completely, put to rest any image of America as an ongoing “racist” nation. We are not!

Yeah, somebody had to say that. I mean, if someone didn’t say that, imagine what the world would be like. Dogs and cats, living together — mass hysteria! Seriously, President Obama actually says that America “still has issues to resolve” regarding race. This is an outrage! How dare he imply such an obviously factual reality exists! What does he think he is, some kind of Truthy McTruthteller? Barack, you’re making Pat upset now. You’re gonna have to tone it down and stop making such terribly radical statements.

Now we come to the horrific scene in Charleston, South Carolina, in which a satanically inspired young white kid mercilessly kills a number of fine black Christians in a Wednesday night prayer service, in church!

And yes, I said, “inspired by Satan”! Though this had a racist element, to be sure, it was more than that and of far greater significance to America than that. This boy wasn’t just a sadist, or even criminally insane – he was carefully prepared and led by the Devil himself to kill as many Christians as he could. The fact that they were black was an excuse more than a reason.

Let me prove it to you. And let me persuade you to substitute another, more valid word for “racist.”

The word evil.

You’ve professed to be a Christian, right? You’re surely familiar, then, with the Lord’s Prayer. Remember these words from Jesus’ lips, “Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil“?

Why would He include those words in such a short, fundamental, all-inclusive prayer for the ages? Because He knew better than anybody that evil exists. Evil is just as real, as present, as all pervasive in this world as God Himself. In fact, the Gospels record that everywhere Jesus went, from the beginning of His earthly ministry to His crucifixion, He was constantly confronted by demons, and He always cast them out of the people they occupied and controlled, setting them free!

Well there you have it. He “proved” it. And even though the mass murderer in this case actually left behind a manifesto in which he clearly said that he killed those people because they were black — and didn’t mention anything about his hatred for Christians; funny, that — Pat can read the minds of people he’s never met and know that this was just an “excuse” not a “reason.” I’m not sure what Pat Boone is shittier at, singing or thinking.

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  • alanb

    And here I thought that racism was evil. Maybe the good Lord should have left Mr. Boone a list of all of the acts that he considered to be defined by the word evil.

  • colnago80

    Well, what do you know, apparently Mr. Roof was brought up in a devout Christian household and was a regular churchgoer. Now some caution is required because this information was published in the Daily Mail, not the world’s most authoritative source. No evidence has surfaced indicating that he at any time rejected his upbringing.

    http://goo.gl/0fJiCz

  • colnago80

    Re #2

    Hat tip to Larry Moran.

  • StevoR

    Mr. President! For God’s sake, and America’s sake, quit so often calling crimes that involve a black person “racist”!

    How about crimes that involve a white person being racist being called racist when they are racist? That fair?

  • colnago80

    Apparently, the Lutheran Church that the Roof family attended is a member of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (the same branch of Lutheranism that John Jones III belongs to). This is considered a mainline Protestant Church.

    I’m sure that Schmucknor will be along to inform us that these folks aren’t real Christians.

  • busterggi

    The last time Pat Boone did anything worth noting was when he appeared in ‘Journey to the Center of the Earth”.

  • Al Dente

    I’m not sure what Pat Boone is shittier at, singing or thinking.

    At least he usually sings on key.

  • The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge

    The last time Pat Boone did anything worth noting was when he appeared in ‘Journey to the Center of the Earth”.

    He was i some movie with a very young Barbara Eden—I wasn’t looking at him, so I don’t know how he did in that….

  • Michael Heath

    Pat Boone states:

    Instead, both at home and, even more sadly, abroad, you have continued to bring up and confess America’s past record of racial prejudice and indicate we “still have issues to resolve” pertaining to race – as if your very presence as twice-elected president of the United States doesn’t proclaim loud and clear that we as a people have largely, though not completely, put to rest any image of America as an ongoing “racist” nation. We are not!

    Consider the magical thinking at play here; where this has become a very popular meme of racists like Pat who are in denial regarding their racism.

    Because there’s enough non-racists to elect a black person as president, that magically erases the racism demonstrated by Mr. Boone and his conservative Christian allies; almost none of whom voted for Mr. Obama.

  • Al Dente

    Boone and others of his kidney are not paying attention to what’s happening in this country. Michael Brown’s murder in Ferguson, Freddie Gray’s death in Baltimore, Eric Garner’s chokehold death in New York City, and the killings in Charleston all show that racism is alive and well in the US.

  • thebookofdave

    @6

    Isn’t it about time for him to return there for an extended mission? His best work is yet to come, and he seems to have quite a head start digging that hole.

  • thebookofdave

    Somebody has to say this … so I’ll say it.

    Shorter version: When we put the Black Man in the White House, we cured racism. Now stop chafing that sore already and declare Mission Accomplished™! You’re upsetting Baby Jesus and Uncle Sam.

  • dingojack

    busterggi (#6) – I’d forgotten that Journey to the Center of the Earth had dinosaurs!

    Dingo

  • thebookofdave

    Also, since racism is dead, you’ll have to find another cause to fight. You might as well take our advice too, since we are the experts on Evil.

  • dan4

    @10 Michael Brown’s “murder” was actually an act of self-defense. Brown was fucking CHARGING the cop at full speed. To borrow a line from the movie Aliens, what was the former supposed to do to the latter to stop him…use harsh language?

  • A Masked Avenger

    So lemme get this straight: a shitty singer, who built an entire career out of re-recording black music for an audience that preferentially bought white artists’ recordings even when they’re inferior, would like us to know that racism isn’t a thing in America.

    Good to know.

  • dhall

    Just once, I’d like to see some kind of genuine, empirical evidence for the existence of demons. Some of these folks claim there are demons all over the place making people do things–and angels watching over them too, naturally–and just once, I’d like some hard evidence for either. Angels and demons. Gods too, while we’re at it. Not medieval woodcuttings, but real, objective evidence.

    BTW, nice that Pat has also become a psychiatrist with that diagnosis of criminal insanity.

  • longship

    Bad toop! Bad brain! The correlation is unmistakable.

  • Al Dente

    dan4 @16

    To borrow a line from the movie Aliens, what was the former supposed to do to the latter to stop him…use harsh language?

    You’re not thinking this to the inevitable conclusion.

  • dan4

    @19: Uh, except the context of the “harsh language” line in the movie was one of self-defense (since the Marines were risking direct contact with the aliens without the use of weapons), while the “nuke them from orbit” line was not (since Ripley and everyone else would be in space and thus NOT facing said contact). “Inevitable conclusion,” my behind.

  • dingojack

    Dan – just like that Walter Scott fella in North Carolina, eh?

    *Whew*, it sure was lucky that the cop was armed with both a handgun and a taser, wasn’t it?

    Dingo

  • dingojack

    Pardon – I meant North Charleston, South Carolina…

    Mea Culpa.

    Dingo

  • zenlike

    So the only defence a police officer has against violence is start shooting? Few, I feel so much safer now. Maybe we van de away entirely with police training, because apparently they learn nothing there.

  • Al Dente

    dan4 @20

    I think you’re pushing the metaphor way past any usefulness.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000263140906 Donovan

    I love how they always bring up Obama’s two election wins as proof there’s no racism, because those are the only right-wing articles that don’t call him an illegitimate Kenyan Muslim food-stamp president.

  • dingojack

    Perhaps Patty the Dinosaur* meant:

    that the bulk of the Americans (who voted) chose the least-worst candidate who happens to be half-African-American, but the very few who read WhirledNutsDaily (as a serious magazine, that is) didn’t ’cause they really, really, REALLY loathe him —

    see how nature balances itself. @@

    Dingo

    ———

    * An Apatosaurus, perhaps?