Jeffress: SCOTUS Marriage Ruling = Jesus Returns Soon

Right wing megapreacher Robert Jeffress says that the Supreme Court’s ruling striking down state laws banning same-sex marriage is a sign of the end times and means that Jesus is going to return very soon. Uh…wouldn’t that be good news for you? If so, why are you criticizing them for it?

“What happened Friday was nothing short of an affront in the face of Almighty God,” Jeffres said in his introduction of Perkins. “And how did our president respond? President Obama responded Friday night by bathing the White House, the people’s house, in colors that represent what the Bible calls degredation, depravity and sexual perversion.”

Jeffress and his church, he said, are “not going to be silenced by the liberal left, Barack Obama or the United States Supreme Court.”

“We’re not despondent, we’re not discouraged in the least,” he added, “because everything that happened Friday is simply confirmation of what the Bible says is going to happen before the return of Jesus Christ.”

Jeffress has previously called the gay rights movement and the book “Fifty Shades of Grey” signs of the End Times.

Wingnuts see signs of the end times the way Alex Jones sees false flag operations. It would be easier just to list the things that aren’t a sign of the end times. Jeffress thinks a broken shake machine at Arby’s is a sign of the end times. In fact, someone should really make a definitive list of all the things that Christians have claimed are signs of the end times. Should only take a couple lifetimes to compile them all.

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  • raven

    Uh…wouldn’t that be good news for you? If so, why are you criticizing them for it?

    True.

    Jeffress should buy some flowers and maybe some cupcakes and send them as thank you presents to the next gay wedding in Texas.

    in colors that represent what the Bible calls degredation, depravity and sexual perversion.”

    Actually, the rainbow respresents god’s promise to not genocide us again and that the earth and humans will last forever.

    Which contradicts the End Times narrative that god as jesus will show up Real Soon and kill 7 billion people and destroy the earth.

  • grumpyoldfart

    colors that represent what the Bible calls degredation, depravity and sexual perversion.”

    OR

    I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. (Genesis 9:13)

  • D. C. Sessions

    In fact, someone should really make a definitive list of all the things that Christians have claimed are signs of the end times.

    It would take a rather large full-time staff just to keep up with the new entries, much less get caught up on the backlog.

  • thebookofdave

    To streamline the process, simply make a list of all events. It would be both the pro and counter-end times list of signs.

  • raven

    In fact, someone should really make a definitive list of all the things that Christians have claimed are signs of the end times.

    One of the more convincing one was the bubonic plague, the Black Death of 1348.

    Around 25% of Europe’s population died which doesn’t quite capture the horror. In some places it was almost everyone. It really did look like the end of the world.

    Some historians date this as the beginning of the end of European xianity. The RCC did what they could which wasn’t much. God wasn’t answering his phone. It took more centuries, but the Reformation, Enlightenment, and the age of science succeeded where xianity failed. We now know what caused the Black Plague and how to get rid of it.

    Score: Science 1….Religion 0

  • frankgturner

    Jesus already came, he worked as a cashier at a grocery store I stocked shelves at years ago. I saw another one who delivered pizzas in my neighborhood and I know one who was the head manager at a Men’s formal clothing store. Oh and that pathologist at the hospital where I worked. Jesus seems to have come a bunch of times.

  • coragyps

    Wasn’t Lady Chatterly’s Lover a sign of the end times? Or did Jeffress read that when he was fourteen, so it doesn’t count?

  • blf

    Wasn’t Lady Chatterly’s Lover a sign of the end times?

    Unlikely. Wasn’t simple words written in crayon. A sign of the end times would be something like NO SINNERS, N‍IGGERS, CATHOLICS ALLOWED and THIS WAY TO BOILING SHIT.

  • http://www.facebook.com/eo.raptor.3 eoraptor

    I am curious, but not enough to research it, whether there was a similar hue and cry, end-times predictions, and lunacy when the Civil Rights Act passed. Was this also an indicator of Armageddon just around the corner?

  • howardhershey

    Isn’t Jesus an illegal immigrant from Mexico?

  • whheydt

    Re: raven @ #1…

    Not quite…the promise is only to refrain from genocide against humanity by water again. Next time, it’s supposed to be fire. It’s important to read the fine print in any covenant with the Biblical god(s).

  • whheydt

    Of *course* Jesus is coming back soon. He’s just been waiting for this decision to come down so he can marry one of his disciples (all of whom, you’ll notice, are men).

  • Jared James

    On a philosophical level, is it lazy eschatology to assign everything a value of “sure sign of the end times,” or overly ambitious?

    These nabobs remind me of the scholars 1400 years ago, who assured everyone that [some event] was a sign of the end roughly every other year, except now it’s more than once a year, and the [event] keeps updating.

  • raven

    Not quite…the promise is only to refrain from genocide against humanity by water again.

    ????? That is what the fundies say.

    It’s probably not right. Read that part of Genesis again.

    God makes his promise twice in a page or two. The first time he promises not to drown everyone again. The second time, he promises that the earth, seasons, and harvests will go on forever.

    Fundies, all being cafeteria xians, simply pick the worst parts and ignore the best. Their lives are all so miserable, their best idea is to be killed by a rampaging sky fairy.

  • raven

    Genesis 8:

    God’s Promise to Noah

    20 Then Noah built an altar to the Lord, and took of every clean animal and of every clean bird, and offered burnt offerings on the altar. 21 And when the Lord smelled the pleasing odor, the Lord said in his heart, “I will never again curse the ground because of humankind, for the inclination of the human heart is evil from youth; nor will I ever again destroy every living creature as I have done.

    22 As long as the earth endures,

    seedtime and harvest, cold and heat,

    summer and winter, day and night,

    shall not cease.”

    1. Actually this is god’s first promise. The second is in 9 and is a subset.

    2. Read it yourself and decide what it means. It certainly shows no hint of future doom here.

    3. Once again. Most of what xians believe isn’t found in the bible.

    Most of what you were told in church isn’t found in the bible.

    Most of what you learned in Sunday school isn’t found in the bible.

    Most of what xians say is in the bible isn’t actually…in the bible.

    Xianity is just lies and more lies piled on top of ancient lies. This is what happens when there is no basis in reality.

  • carpenterman

    Actually Jesus is a branch manager at a local bank. You see his bumper stickers all over the place: “Jesus Saves”.

  • Michael Heath

    eorapter writes:

    I am curious, but not enough to research it, whether there was a similar hue and cry, end-times predictions, and lunacy when the Civil Rights Act passed. Was this also an indicator of Armageddon just around the corner?

    I don’t recall. I do recall a few years after that. A whole ‘last days’ cottage industry rose. That was because some males grew their hair long, the sexual revolution, rock and roll (though inexplicably, Elvis was cut some slack), and non-conservatives had the temerity to complain about being lied into a war in Viet Nam that we then lost at great human cost.

    That was followed in the mid-1970s by evangelicals: growing their hair long, loving them some rock and roll that then morphed into today’s country music, a cottage industry condoning pleasureful sex within marriage (look up Marabel Morgan), and rampant adultery amongst fellow church congregants. They did stick to their guns on urging the U.S. to go to war in all cases.

  • Ray, rude-ass yankee SJW “Bwaahahahaha!”

    Oh Noes, I dropped my cotton candy on the ground, it’s a sign of the end times!

    If I just made a sign that said “End Times”, would that be a sign of the end times?

    I’m getting tired of waiting, they keep promising the end times and it never happens! WTF!

  • http://wanderinweeta.blogspot.com Susannah

    My grandfather, (1885 or so – 1960) was preaching that all the signs of the end times had happened, and that Jesus was returning soon, possibly that very day, certainly in his lifetime.

    My father, (1912 – 2004 ) was preaching that all the signs of the end times had happened, and that Jesus was returning soon, possibly that very day, certainly in his lifetime.

    My brother, (1947 – ) is preaching that all the signs of the end times have happened, and that Jesus is returning soon, possibly this very day, certainly in his lifetime.

    Gets boring, after a while.

  • Lady Mondegreen

    My father, (1912 – 2004 ) was preaching that all the signs of the end times had happened, and that Jesus was returning soon, possibly that very day, certainly in his lifetime.

    My brother, (1947 – ) is preaching that all the signs of the end times have happened, and that Jesus is returning soon, possibly this very day, certainly in his lifetime.

    2000 years ago, the Apostle Paul

    was preaching that Jesus was returning soon, possibly this very day, certainly…

  • frankgturner

    @ carpenterman #16

    I thought “Jesus Saves” might be a reference to a college basketball player.

  • whheydt

    Re: frankturner @ #21…

    …but Moses invests.

  • anubisprime

    Some boneheads see non-existent patterns in fictional terms…the same boneheads fail abysmally to see the real ones in literal terms!

    Genius… they are not!

  • Al Dente

    Susannah @19

    As the old saying goes, Jesus better shit or get off the pot.

  • lasquest

    The church I use to go to always made it seem like God was super loving and only ever wanted the best for you. But more often now you see people put him in a light that makes him seem controlling, abusive, and damn near evil in some aspects.

    So in any case, why is the church so divided over this? After all, he is the biggest part of the whole religion.

  • anubisprime

    But more often now you see people put him in a light that makes him seem controlling, abusive, and damn near evil in some aspects.

    Well in schoolyards the dire consequences of not kowtowing to the school bully tends to rack up in severity as desperation kicks in.

    The rhetoric tends to go from ‘I will kick your ass’

    up to ‘I will kick your mummies ass’

    up to ‘I will kick you , your sister, your brother and your mummy and your daddies ass everyday and it will all be your fault’ and so it goes!

    The more they fail to impress the more and extreme their claims become…

    They think fear of a super fairy must be commiserate with how much fear they can generate…the tactic worked like a charm in the dark ages, it does not seem to have the same affect these days, but the entertainment for the bystanders is class!

  • anubisprime

    But more often now you see people put him in a light that makes him seem controlling, abusive, and damn near evil in some aspects.

    Sorry lasquest @ 25…block quote SNAFU @ 26…

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    @19 Susannah – Indeed. It has been so boring for such a long time. But they never give up trying to sell vanilla as an exciting new flavor.

  • rietpluim

    So Jesus waited for same-sex marriage to become legal? Why? Does He want to marry Judas or something?

  • frankgturner

    @ rietpluim #29

    For starters, many of us on these boards have serious doubts as to whether Jesus actually existed. One may have existed given the commonality of the name and the tendency for pseudo religious leaders to arise in times of strife and he may have been an inspiration for the Gospels, but that does mean he was the person written about. And the Gospels don’t seem to indicate that he really had an opinion on the matter, so it is a moot point.

  • dingojack

    whheydt (#22) – “In God We Trust — all others pay cash.”

    😉 Dingo

  • matty1

    “Fifty shades of grey”, “rainbow flag”, basically God hates the visible part of the electromagnetic spectrum.