Bigot Produces Delightly Dumb Rant on Marriage Ruling

Timothy Buchanan, who proudly lets everyone know that he’s the author of a book with the incredibly clever title The Boobonic Plague (Get it? That’s genius, right? No, not really), has a column at Barbwire with a hilariously idiotic rant about the Supreme Court’s marriage ruling. Let’s strap on our wings and let his rhetoric make us soar:

Friday, June 26th 2015 was a disastrous day for America, far worse than September 11, 2001.

The Supreme Court’s lawless and un-Constitutional ruling to strike down same-sex marriage bans in the United States was a reckless and sinister act that will affect every American for years to come. America is broken, and now, one of three things will follow:

  • God’s judgment will fall upon the United States of America,
  • There will be a second US civil war, not North against South or East versus West,

    but of the righteous against the unrighteous, the heartland versus the coasts.

  • Or there will be a Righteous Revolution, an Awakening of the Church.

Make no mistake, the decision to end state bans against same-sex marriage was not based upon Constitutional law. It was based upon nothing other than blind political ambition and a seething hatred for the laws of God. At least 82% of Americans oppose it. It is being enacted, not by democracy, but against the will of most of the people.

At least 82%! I don’t suppose you could, uh, show some evidence of that, Mr. Buchanan? But hey, I have lots of evidence that you’re wrong. A recent Pew poll: 57% support marriage equality. A Gallup poll in May: 60% support marriage equality. A CNN poll taken just after the Supreme Court ruling: 59% support marriage equality. Every single poll has found 55-60% support for same-sex marriage over the last couple years. You can’t find a poll showing 85% opposition to it even going back to 1996, when it first emerged as an issue. This is just a ridiculous lie.

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  • D. C. Sessions

    God’s judgment will fall upon the United States of America,

    There will be a second US civil war, not North against South or East versus West,

    but of the righteous against the unrighteous, the heartland versus the coasts.

    Or there will be a Righteous Revolution, an Awakening of the Church.

    I’ll take “”none of the above” for $10,000, Ed.

    Every single poll has found 55-60% support for same-sex marriage over the last couple years. You can’t find a poll showing 85% opposition to it even going back to 1996, when it first emerged as an issue.

    He polled his congregation, since he doesn’t trust those liberal so-called “polling” propagandists outfits.

  • D. C. Sessions

    God’s judgment will fall upon the United States of America,

    There will be a second US civil war, not North against South or East versus West,

    but of the righteous against the unrighteous, the heartland versus the coasts.

    Or there will be a Righteous Revolution, an Awakening of the Church.

    I’ll take “”none of the above” for $10,000, Ed.

    Every single poll has found 55-60% support for same-sex marriage over the last couple years. You can’t find a poll showing 85% opposition to it even going back to 1996, when it first emerged as an issue.

    He polled his congregation, since he doesn’t trust those liberal so-called “polling” propagandists outfits.

  • dmcclean

    His denominator is “real americans”.

  • dmcclean

    His denominator is “real americans”.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    D. C. Sessions “polled his congregation”

    Dibs on euphemism!

  • some bastard on the internet

    Friday, June 26th 2015 was a disastrous day for America, far worse than September 11, 2001.

    What’s worse than several thousand people dying?

    Millions of people being TOLERATED!!!!!!!!!!

  • some bastard on the internet

    Friday, June 26th 2015 was a disastrous day for America, far worse than September 11, 2001.

    What’s worse than several thousand people dying?

    Millions of people being TOLERATED!!!!!!!!!!

  • Broken Things

    There will be a second US civil war, not North against South or East versus West,

    but of the righteous against the unrighteous, the heartland versus the coasts.

    They’re already surrounded! They will either have to retreat to Mexico or invade Canada.

  • Broken Things

    There will be a second US civil war, not North against South or East versus West,

    but of the righteous against the unrighteous, the heartland versus the coasts.

    They’re already surrounded! They will either have to retreat to Mexico or invade Canada.

  • some bastard on the internet

    D.C. @1

    I’ll take “”none of the above” for $10,000, Ed.

    Does anyone know of a place where I can bet real money on stuff like this? I’ve always wanted to wager any amount of cash against an equal amount of loons that none of this crap will actually happen in any reasonable timeframe.

  • some bastard on the internet

    D.C. @1

    I’ll take “”none of the above” for $10,000, Ed.

    Does anyone know of a place where I can bet real money on stuff like this? I’ve always wanted to wager any amount of cash against an equal amount of loons that none of this crap will actually happen in any reasonable timeframe.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Also,

    Back when I lived in Britain, my town was Dumb Rant on Marriage Ruling.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Also,

    Back when I lived in Britain, my town was Dumb Rant on Marriage Ruling.

  • dingojack

    Apparently White Evangelical Christians oppose gays and lesbians marrying by a factor of 70% oppose to 27% support. Perhaps that might explain the ‘skewy’ numbers.

    Dingo

  • Synfandel

    @5 Broken Things wrote:

    They will either have to retreat to Mexico or invade Canada.

    If Timothy Buchanan and his righteous heartland came to Canada, with its same-sex marriage, public health insurance, widely available and publicly funded abortion on demand, and largely unenforced pot laws, they would spontaneously burst into flames at the border.

    (Yes, Modusoperandi, you can have dibs on “Timothy Buchanan and His Righteous Heartland” for name of gospel group.)

  • Synfandel

    @5 Broken Things wrote:

    They will either have to retreat to Mexico or invade Canada.

    If Timothy Buchanan and his righteous heartland came to Canada, with its same-sex marriage, public health insurance, widely available and publicly funded abortion on demand, and largely unenforced pot laws, they would spontaneously burst into flames at the border.

    (Yes, Modusoperandi, you can have dibs on “Timothy Buchanan and His Righteous Heartland” for name of gospel group.)

  • John Pieret

    reckless and sinister

    Dibbs on name for my hip hop group.

  • John Pieret

    reckless and sinister

    Dibbs on name for my hip hop group.

  • John Pieret

    It was based upon nothing other than blind political ambition

    Somehow I just can’t see Justices Kennedy, Ginsburg, Breyer, Sotomayor and Kagan running for “higher” office.

  • John Pieret

    It was based upon nothing other than blind political ambition

    Somehow I just can’t see Justices Kennedy, Ginsburg, Breyer, Sotomayor and Kagan running for “higher” office.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Also, they can’t retreat South. Mexico has gay marriage. And it’s practically overflowing with Mexicans.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Also, they can’t retreat South. Mexico has gay marriage. And it’s practically overflowing with Mexicans.

  • scienceavenger

    At least 82% of Americans oppose it.

    Context suggest that he is referring to the SCOTUS decision, and not SSM per se as Ed implies with his poll references. It is possible to suport one and not the other.

  • theguy

    “There will be a second US civil war, not North against South or East versus West,

    but of the righteous idiot fundies against the unrighteous those who actually believe in equality and freedom, the heartland versus the coasts.”

    And then the “heartland” will be screwed, since most red states are economically dependent on the taxes paid by the blue states they hate so much.

  • theguy

    “There will be a second US civil war, not North against South or East versus West,

    but of the righteous idiot fundies against the unrighteous those who actually believe in equality and freedom, the heartland versus the coasts.”

    And then the “heartland” will be screwed, since most red states are economically dependent on the taxes paid by the blue states they hate so much.

  • scienceavenger

    one of three things will follow:

    [1] God’s judgment will fall upon the United States of America,

    [2] There will be a second US civil war, not North against South or East versus West,

    but of the righteous against the unrighteous, the heartland versus the coasts.

    [3] Or there will be a Righteous Revolution, an Awakening of the Church.

    [4] Those opposed will rant about it until they die, most people will ignore them, and in a generation or two there will be no issue.

  • scienceavenger

    one of three things will follow:

    [1] God’s judgment will fall upon the United States of America,

    [2] There will be a second US civil war, not North against South or East versus West,

    but of the righteous against the unrighteous, the heartland versus the coasts.

    [3] Or there will be a Righteous Revolution, an Awakening of the Church.

    [4] Those opposed will rant about it until they die, most people will ignore them, and in a generation or two there will be no issue.

  • Juniper

    Friday, June 26th 2015 was a disastrous day for America, far worse than September 11, 2001

    Whoa.

  • Juniper

    Friday, June 26th 2015 was a disastrous day for America, far worse than September 11, 2001

    Whoa.

  • freemage

    scienceavenger: Do you have a link to a reliable poll showing a 4-in-5 disagreement with the SCOTUS decision? If not, it’s still a lie, just a different lie.

    Make no mistake, the decision to end state bans against same-sex marriage was not based upon Constitutional law. It was based upon nothing other than blind political ambition and a seething hatred for the laws of God. At least 82% of Americans oppose it. It is being enacted, not by democracy, but against the will of most of the people.

    In addition to the idiocy of thinking that SCOTUS justices have political ambitions other than “outliving those dipshits on the other wing”, we again have the concentrated failure to comprehend how political pandering works. You don’t appeal to a minority to gain a political edge; rather, you set aside principle to appeal to the majority, or at best to financial backers who can sell you to the majority. If, as he claims, there is a vast opposition to gay marriage, then it’s those who oppose it who are likely guilty of pandering (and, indeed, who have made considerable efforts at pandering when dealing with limited audiences where the majority is solidly anti-SSM, up to and including the GOP primaries).

  • freemage

    scienceavenger: Do you have a link to a reliable poll showing a 4-in-5 disagreement with the SCOTUS decision? If not, it’s still a lie, just a different lie.

    Make no mistake, the decision to end state bans against same-sex marriage was not based upon Constitutional law. It was based upon nothing other than blind political ambition and a seething hatred for the laws of God. At least 82% of Americans oppose it. It is being enacted, not by democracy, but against the will of most of the people.

    In addition to the idiocy of thinking that SCOTUS justices have political ambitions other than “outliving those dipshits on the other wing”, we again have the concentrated failure to comprehend how political pandering works. You don’t appeal to a minority to gain a political edge; rather, you set aside principle to appeal to the majority, or at best to financial backers who can sell you to the majority. If, as he claims, there is a vast opposition to gay marriage, then it’s those who oppose it who are likely guilty of pandering (and, indeed, who have made considerable efforts at pandering when dealing with limited audiences where the majority is solidly anti-SSM, up to and including the GOP primaries).

  • felicis

    scienceavenger @13:

    “Context suggest that he is referring to the SCOTUS decision, and not SSM per se as Ed implies with his poll references. It is possible to suport one and not the other.”

    True – so let’s take a quick look and see if any polls show a trend against the ruling:

    http://www.cnn.com/2015/06/30/politics/cnn-poll-iran-scotus/index.html

    This is the only poll I found in a couple of minutes of looking (there are several hits, but they all lead back to this one), and it shows a 59% support for the SCOTUS marriage decision. (See page 5 at the bottom of the embedded document).

    So – while it is *possible* that people may oppose one, but not the other, this poll suggests that sentiment is incredibly rare. The cross-tabs for this question (on the last page) show numbers for subgroups that are pretty much in line with the numbers seen for support for gay marriage in general. The only major groups clearly opposing it in their analysis are ‘conservatives’ 34% support, Republicans with 40% support, and ‘over 65’ with 42% support.

    Even before the poll, it would have been a pretty good bet that those supporting gay marriage would also support the SCOTUS decision. I have not heard a single person who supports allowing gay people to marry say anything against the decision – and while I am sure there are a few, I bet it is under 1% of the population.

  • gshelley

    Well, there probably are people who think that marriage equality is a good idea, but that for some reason the equal protection/due process argument doesn’t apply s the court was wrong. Probably not 2/3 of equality supporters, which is about what would be required for the numbers to make sense

  • gshelley

    Well, there probably are people who think that marriage equality is a good idea, but that for some reason the equal protection/due process argument doesn’t apply s the court was wrong. Probably not 2/3 of equality supporters, which is about what would be required for the numbers to make sense

  • scienceavenger

    Actually it looks like Ed had the right figure, just didn’t label it properly:

    According to a new CNN/ORC poll… 59%, say they back the ruling which made same-sex marriages legal in all 50 states.

    Perhaps Buchanen doubled the opposition in his excitement.

  • scienceavenger

    Actually it looks like Ed had the right figure, just didn’t label it properly:

    According to a new CNN/ORC poll… 59%, say they back the ruling which made same-sex marriages legal in all 50 states.

    Perhaps Buchanen doubled the opposition in his excitement.

  • colnago80

    Gee, worse then Pearl Harbor?

  • colnago80

    Gee, worse then Pearl Harbor?

  • colnago80

    You know who else opposed same sex marriage? Schicklgruber!

  • colnago80

    You know who else opposed same sex marriage? Schicklgruber!

  • eric

    the heartland versus the coasts

    I think I saw that movie. Rainbow Dawn with Patrick Swayze, right?

    Also, they can’t retreat South. Mexico has gay marriage. And it’s practically overflowing with Mexicans.

    Ah, you’re not thinking south enough. The classic choice of fleeing bigots is Argentina.

  • Knight in Sour Armor

    The “heartland” is mostly prime tank country and the rest as vulnerable as anything to HK drones and missile strikes. Good luck with that civil war.

  • Knight in Sour Armor

    The “heartland” is mostly prime tank country and the rest as vulnerable as anything to HK drones and missile strikes. Good luck with that civil war.

  • arakasi

    I think I figured it out. The 82% figure was taken from the wrong poll. He was looking at the percentage of Americans opposed to interracial marriage when Loving vs Virginia was decided.

    (yes, I meant this as a joke, but it isn’t too far off. According to Gallup, the percentages against were 73% in 1968 and 94% against in 1958

    http://www.gallup.com/poll/117328/marriage.aspx )

  • arakasi

    I think I figured it out. The 82% figure was taken from the wrong poll. He was looking at the percentage of Americans opposed to interracial marriage when Loving vs Virginia was decided.

    (yes, I meant this as a joke, but it isn’t too far off. According to Gallup, the percentages against were 73% in 1968 and 94% against in 1958

    http://www.gallup.com/poll/117328/marriage.aspx )

  • Synfandel

    @22 colnago80 wrote:

    You know who else opposed same sex marriage? Schicklgruber!

    colnago80, who is Schicklgruber?

  • Synfandel

    @22 colnago80 wrote:

    You know who else opposed same sex marriage? Schicklgruber!

    colnago80, who is Schicklgruber?

  • colnago80

    Re Synfandel @ #26

    Dictator of Germany from 1933 to 1945.

  • colnago80

    Re Synfandel @ #26

    Dictator of Germany from 1933 to 1945.

  • thebookofdave

    Gee, worse then Pearl Harbor?

    You bet, colnago. It was like Pearl Harbor times 911.

  • thebookofdave

    Gee, worse then Pearl Harbor?

    You bet, colnago. It was like Pearl Harbor times 911.

  • Al Dente

    Synfandel @26

    colnago80 has a hobby of giving Hitler different names. Supposed this is disrespectful to Hitler or something like that. Everyone is allowed to be a stupid idiot and colnago has decided this is the best way to be one. At least colnago isn’t being rude to Mussolini or calling Idi Amin silly names.

  • Synfandel

    @27 colnago80 wrote:

    Dictator of Germany from 1933 to 1945.

    No, that can’t be right. I’m sure it wasn’t Schicklgruber. Now, what was his name? Adolf something, I think.

  • Synfandel

    @27 colnago80 wrote:

    Dictator of Germany from 1933 to 1945.

    No, that can’t be right. I’m sure it wasn’t Schicklgruber. Now, what was his name? Adolf something, I think.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    Perhaps Buchanen doubled the opposition in his excitement.

    You give him too much credit. He simply pulled it out of his ass.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    Perhaps Buchanen doubled the opposition in his excitement.

    You give him too much credit. He simply pulled it out of his ass.

  • StevoR

    @28. thebookofdave : It was like Pearl Harbor times 911.”

    Or maybe? :

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZcZ6eJoxeE

    911 x 100?

  • StevoR

    @28. thebookofdave : It was like Pearl Harbor times 911.”

    Or maybe? :

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZcZ6eJoxeE

    911 x 100?

  • dingojack

    For a long-term perspective of acceptance of same-sex marriage (and other issues), see here.

    Source: The Economist. 4-10 June 2015. p 27-8. US Supreme Court. Change is gonna come.

    Dingo

  • dingojack

    For a long-term perspective of acceptance of same-sex marriage (and other issues), see here.

    Source: The Economist. 4-10 June 2015. p 27-8. US Supreme Court. Change is gonna come.

    Dingo

  • abb3w

    @0, Ed Brayton

    You can’t find a poll showing 85% opposition to it even going back to 1996, when it first emerged as an issue.

    The first poll taken on same-sex marriage was actually in 1988; and from that one, if you shove your head up your anatomy far enough that you include “neither agree nor disagree” along with “disagree” and “strongly disagree”, but not “Can’t choose”, you can come up with 82%.

    Contrariwise, that seems likely mere coincidence; and nohow, the GSS has been asking the country rather more recently, and as of 2014 indicates the majority supports legalization of Gay Marriage… not to mention the other poll data brought up by felicis.