Breaking News: Bryan Fischer Destroys Every Irony Meter in Existence

One of the reasons I find Bryan Fischer so endlessly entertaining is how easily he contradicts himself in the most obvious way. He either lacks self-awareness on a truly historical level or he is absolutely shameless in his lies. Case in point: What does the First Amendment mean? Here’s what he thinks it means today:

Readers are by now familiar with Aaron and Melissa Klein, who were fined $135,000 by a bureaucrat (no trial by jury, no judge, no right to confront accusers in open court, etc.) for politely declining to violate their own Christian conscience in the conduct of their business.

To add constitutional insult to constitutional injury, this bureaucrat slapped a gag order on the Kleins so they are not allowed even to talk to anybody about this travesty. Their right to the free exercise of religion, gone. Their right to free speech, gone. Their right to free association, gone.

In other words, this bureaucrat just issued a binding decree that the First Amendment applies to everybody in America except Christians. Christians, according to this man, have no First Amendment rights of any kind.

But here’s what he has said it meant 10 months ago, and many many times before that:

Here then is a brief and concise summary of what the Founders meant by the First Amendment. And by the way, since it has never been amended, not even by the 14th Amendment (a subject for another day), it means the same thing today as it meant on September 17, 1787.

First, the amendment applies only to Congress. “Congress shall make no law…” No other entity is restrained by the First Amendment. Since the amendment applies only to Congress, it is legally, historically and constitutionally impossible for a state, a county commission, a city council, a school board, a school principal, a school teacher or a student to violate the First Amendment. This is for one simple reason: none of them is Congress. Violating the First Amendment is something only Congress can do.

Whenever someone alleges an Establishment Clause violation, Fischer jumps up and down and screams “Violating the First Amendment is something only Congress can do!” But when a Christian (and only a Christian, as I’ll get to in a moment) alleges a violation of the Free Exercise Clause, then the First Amendment has been violated even if it doesn’t involve Congress at all.

But there’s a second level of irony to this. He says that the bakery ruling in Oregon means that “Christians…have no First Amendment rights of any kind.” But in fact, the only one taking a position even remotely close to this is…Bryan Fischer! In that same article in which he said that only Congress can violate the First Amendment, he also says:

By “religion,” it is clear that the Founders meant only the various denominational expressions of Christianity. The Founders were dealing exclusively with Christianity in the First Amendment.

He has said this same thing many times before. He believes that Christianity is the only religion to whom the First Amendment applies, that all other religions are merely tolerated by Christians out of their Jesus-installed magnanimity, a toleration that can be withdrawn any time they like. He has repeatedly claimed that Muslims have no right to worship in this country, that we should shut down their mosques and deport them. So his position is clearly hypocritical on both levels.

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  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    He has said this same thing many times before. He believes that Christianity is the only religion to whom the First Amendment applies, that all other religions are merely tolerated by Christians out of their Jesus-installed magnanimity, a toleration that can be withdrawn any time they like…

    And yet you people say us Conservatives are intolerant!

  • theguy

    None of these fundamentalist complainers have addressed the opposite situation. For example, if a gay person owned a bakery and refused to serve straight couples, or if a non-believer owned a bakery and refused to serve Christians.

    Thanks to the third block quote from Adolf Fischsticks, we know that the instant such a situation occurred, he’d throw out his hypocritical faux concern for freedom, and demand the baker be arrested, if not executed.

  • shakeb

    Not that Fischer is right but Ken White has a good post re-examining the gag order and taking the position that it’s vague enough to be concerning.

    http://popehat.com/2015/07/08/lawsplainer-so-are-those-christian-cake-bakers-in-oregon-unconstitutionally-gagged-or-not/

  • Sideshow Bill

    Ran into these guys yesterday while driving home. “Ran into” should not be taken literally.

    Gave ’em the bird as I drove under their stupid sign.

    http://lessermagistrate.com/

  • Randomfactor

    By “religion,” it is clear that the Founders meant only the various denominational expressions of Christianity.

    And not the individual practitioners, I conclude?

  • colnago80

    He believes that Christianity is the only religion to whom the First Amendment applies, that all other religions are merely tolerated by Christians out of their Jesus-installed magnanimity, a toleration that can be withdrawn any time they like.

    Does that include Mormons, SDA, and JWs? How about members of the Raping Children Church, which many Protestant born agains claim is the Whore of Babylon?

  • John Pieret

    Bryan Fischer Destroys Every Irony Meter in Existence

    Hah! I was better prepared than that! Once I heard about Obergefell, I disconnected it, drained any residual power and moved it to my bunker 25 feet below ground with concrete walls 3 feet thick, where it will be safe. Of course, I won’t be able to use it again for at least 6 months and all the wingnut heads have stopped exploding …

  • RickR

    were fined $135,000 by a bureaucrat (no trial by jury, no judge, no right to confront accusers in open court, etc.) for politely declining to violate their own Christian conscience in the conduct of their business.

    Bigots practicing discrimination. But politely, gosh darnit!

  • arakasi

    By “politely declining”, he means “quoting Leviticus at them, then turning aroung and splashing their contact info on Facebook, leading to death threats and almost costing the couple their two foster children due to having an unsafe home environment (due to said harassment)”

    Christianese is such a wonderfully efficient and compact language.

  • busterggi

    “To add constitutional insult to constitutional injury, this bureaucrat slapped a gag order on the Kleins so they are not allowed even to talk to anybody about this travesty”

    I guess that is why Fischer has never heard about the situation, let alone commented on it.

  • chilidog99

    This is news?

    The man inductively explodes irony meters by his very existsence.

  • caseloweraz

    John Pieret: Hah! I was better prepared than that! Once I heard about Obergefell, I disconnected it, drained any residual power and moved it to my bunker 25 feet below ground with concrete walls 3 feet thick, where it will be safe.

    I hope you didn’t forget the Faraday Cage.

  • caseloweraz

    Fischer: To add constitutional insult to constitutional injury, this bureaucrat slapped a gag order on the Kleins so they are not allowed even to talk to anybody about this travesty.

    * Their right to the free exercise of religion, gone. Wrong.

    * Their right to free speech, gone. Wrong.

    * Their right to free association, gone. Wrong.

    A gag order on a specific case cannot affect their general right to free speech, let alone the other two rights.

  • marcus

    John Pieret@ 7

    HAH! I’ll bet a dollar to a doughnut that when you finally pull it out of the bunker that the distil confabulator will be burnt out, and the moronic equalizer is completely flasticulated.

    Such is the terrible power of Farah’s cognitive disconnect.

  • njosprey

    Has any one else noticed that it is impossible to get a warranty for your irony meters nowadays?

  • https://www.facebook.com/app_scoped_user_id/1383910591939350/ Marissa van Eck

    Ugh, tell me about it. Mine’s one of the heavy overengineered models that accepts 500 milliCarlin fuses and even those fuckers are burning out on a regular basis.

    Why don’t we give this asshole some of that persecution he’s got such a hardon for? Burn him alive maybe; sure as hell he and his buddies have a several hundred years of residual bad karma along those lines. Bonus funsies if you dose him with :SD first and wear a devil suit so he thinks he’s in hell…you know, the one he loves to much?