Porter: I Prayed to Put Bush in Office, I’ll Pray to Stop Gay Marriage Too

Janet Porter, who is hopelessly clueless even by Christian right standards, thinks that her prayers were responsible for George W. Bush winning the 2000 election and now she thinks that she can overturn marriage equality by praying about that too.

In the 2000 Presidential election, between George W. Bush and Al Gore, I lived in a place called Broward County, Florida. When they declared the state of Florida–and the election–for Al Gore, I, like so many others, got down on my knees and asked for something that had never been done before. I asked for God to change the outcome of the election. You know what happened: He answered that “ridiculous” prayer. And if God can change the outcome of a presidential election, He can change the outcome of a Supreme Court ruling. Ask Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWine to file a motion for rehearing the marriage case at: 800-282-0515 . Then, pray to the God of the impossible.

She thinks that if DeWine asks the Supreme Court to rehear the case they just decided on, they’ll magically change their mind because her prayers are just so amazingly powerful. Of course, she was praying for the Supreme Court to reject marriage equality for the last year too, hosting prayer rallies repeatedly for it. So why didn’t her powerful prayers work then? I’m sorry, I’m using logic to evaluate her claims, which are as unreasonable as it is possible to be. So when none of this works, will she admit that her prayers don’t actually work? Of course not. Mysterious ways and all that.

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  • alanb

    Janet Porter’s prayers would probably be working, except that I’m praying against her and my prayers are stronger. It’s my prayers that were responsible for the US Women winning the World Cup.

  • alanb

    Janet Porter’s prayers would probably be working, except that I’m praying against her and my prayers are stronger. It’s my prayers that were responsible for the US Women winning the World Cup.

  • llewelly

    And Jesus answered by electing the president who would help bring the drowning of south Florida along a little sooner.

  • llewelly

    And Jesus answered by electing the president who would help bring the drowning of south Florida along a little sooner.

  • eric

    One answer/7 billion people/15 years. That’s not so much omnipotence as it is micropotence.

  • eric

    One answer/7 billion people/15 years. That’s not so much omnipotence as it is micropotence.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/TabbyLavalamp Tabby Lavalamp

    Alanb – your prayers are strong than mine. I was praying for Japan to win in the finals.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/TabbyLavalamp Tabby Lavalamp

    Alanb – your prayers are strong than mine. I was praying for Japan to win in the finals.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Take that, democracy!

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Take that, democracy!

  • reasonbe

    Ed, I do appreciate what you do in this blog space. I must continue trying to quit reading it for sake of my sanity. It’s like a freak show, really, these people of determined and purposeful ignorance expounding on crap that they simply hate for no reasons rooted in reality; their flaming assholery or fundamental flim-flammery; their incredibly neurotic and violent reaction to someone’s sexual orientation; etc., etc. And then to top it all off, there’s Ben Carson, hands folded in prayer, staring at us from the page margin, running for President, ffs, sucking the remaining intelligence out of they same people you write about (thank you, RRW). It’s just all too much. It’s 5 o’clock somewheres. See you tomorrow.

  • reasonbe

    Ed, I do appreciate what you do in this blog space. I must continue trying to quit reading it for sake of my sanity. It’s like a freak show, really, these people of determined and purposeful ignorance expounding on crap that they simply hate for no reasons rooted in reality; their flaming assholery or fundamental flim-flammery; their incredibly neurotic and violent reaction to someone’s sexual orientation; etc., etc. And then to top it all off, there’s Ben Carson, hands folded in prayer, staring at us from the page margin, running for President, ffs, sucking the remaining intelligence out of they same people you write about (thank you, RRW). It’s just all too much. It’s 5 o’clock somewheres. See you tomorrow.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Matt 18:18-21 “I also tell you this: If one of you agree here on earth concerning anything you …

    Again, I assure you: If one of you on earth agree about any matter that you pray for,

    then I will overrule the People’s will in their election for their president,

    with voter role purging and disregarding the concept of ‘one man, one vote’ via a compliant United States Supreme Court.”

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Matt 18:18-21 “I also tell you this: If one of you agree here on earth concerning anything you …

    Again, I assure you: If one of you on earth agree about any matter that you pray for,

    then I will overrule the People’s will in their election for their president,

    with voter role purging and disregarding the concept of ‘one man, one vote’ via a compliant United States Supreme Court.”

  • raven

    Porter: I Prayed to Put Bush in Office, I’ll Pray to Stop Gay Marriage Too

    No problem.

    I sacrificed a cantaloupe to elect Obama. Twice!!! To the god Woogy Oogy.

    It’s quite clear that Woogy Oogy is far stronger than Janice Porter’s god, who most likely occupies a tiny part of it’s creator’s brain, which isn’t all that big to begin with.

    Score Woogy Oogy 2…Porter’s sockpuppet god 0

  • raven

    Porter: I Prayed to Put Bush in Office, I’ll Pray to Stop Gay Marriage Too

    No problem.

    I sacrificed a cantaloupe to elect Obama. Twice!!! To the god Woogy Oogy.

    It’s quite clear that Woogy Oogy is far stronger than Janice Porter’s god, who most likely occupies a tiny part of it’s creator’s brain, which isn’t all that big to begin with.

    Score Woogy Oogy 2…Porter’s sockpuppet god 0

  • grendelsfather

    Janet Porter, who is hopelessly clueless even by Christian right standards, thinks that her prayers were responsible for George W. Bush winning the 2000 election …

    Holy crap! I don’t believe her, of course, but I really didn’t think anyone would want to take credit for that disaster.

  • grendelsfather

    Janet Porter, who is hopelessly clueless even by Christian right standards, thinks that her prayers were responsible for George W. Bush winning the 2000 election …

    Holy crap! I don’t believe her, of course, but I really didn’t think anyone would want to take credit for that disaster.

  • raven

    Porter: I Prayed to Put Bush in Office, I’ll Pray to Stop Gay Marriage Too

    She really is cosmically stupid.

    Janice Porter is claiming credit for the Bush Catastrophe.

    Iraq, a pointless war that made things worse while killing 5,000 Americans and perhaps a few hundred thousand Iraqis. And is an ongoing disaster eleven years on. The Great Recession which Obama, with success is still digging us out of.

    If people really believed her, there would be a mob forming around her house right now, armed with tar and pitch, feathers, and a rail. And Janice Porter would be on her way out of the USA decorated with…chicken feathers.

    It would be like me with Woogy Oogy, the cantaloupes, and the cats claiming credit for Katrina, the hurricane that destroyed New Orleans, the sinking of the Titanic, or the last Nepalese earthquake. I could do that but why would I want to?

  • raven

    Porter: I Prayed to Put Bush in Office, I’ll Pray to Stop Gay Marriage Too

    She really is cosmically stupid.

    Janice Porter is claiming credit for the Bush Catastrophe.

    Iraq, a pointless war that made things worse while killing 5,000 Americans and perhaps a few hundred thousand Iraqis. And is an ongoing disaster eleven years on. The Great Recession which Obama, with success is still digging us out of.

    If people really believed her, there would be a mob forming around her house right now, armed with tar and pitch, feathers, and a rail. And Janice Porter would be on her way out of the USA decorated with…chicken feathers.

    It would be like me with Woogy Oogy, the cantaloupes, and the cats claiming credit for Katrina, the hurricane that destroyed New Orleans, the sinking of the Titanic, or the last Nepalese earthquake. I could do that but why would I want to?

  • busterggi

    Can we assume that Janet also prayed for Obama to win in ’08 and ’12?

  • busterggi

    Can we assume that Janet also prayed for Obama to win in ’08 and ’12?

  • caseloweraz

    As Raven says, Janet Porter is implicitly claiming credit for the Hurricane Katrina debacle — not the hurricane itself, but the miserable response. To paraphrase: “Heckuva job, Janet.”

    I wonder how she feels about Dubya’s initiative to help AIDS victims in Africa, one of the few things he got right, mostly.

  • caseloweraz

    As Raven says, Janet Porter is implicitly claiming credit for the Hurricane Katrina debacle — not the hurricane itself, but the miserable response. To paraphrase: “Heckuva job, Janet.”

    I wonder how she feels about Dubya’s initiative to help AIDS victims in Africa, one of the few things he got right, mostly.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    Let’s all thank whatever gods we got that Janet P forgot to pray for McCain/Palin & Romney/Ryan.

    caseloweraz @ # 12: … Dubya’s initiative to help AIDS victims in Africa, one of the few things he got right, mostly.

    The one that promoted “abstinence-only” programs and would not allow medical aid or counseling to sex workers unless they promised not to do that any more?

    Your standards of “right, mostly” seem to have a huge fudge factor in that “mostly” part.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    Let’s all thank whatever gods we got that Janet P forgot to pray for McCain/Palin & Romney/Ryan.

    caseloweraz @ # 12: … Dubya’s initiative to help AIDS victims in Africa, one of the few things he got right, mostly.

    The one that promoted “abstinence-only” programs and would not allow medical aid or counseling to sex workers unless they promised not to do that any more?

    Your standards of “right, mostly” seem to have a huge fudge factor in that “mostly” part.

  • Loqi

    I prayed to my magic used handkerchief to make the sun rise today, so you know it’s legit. If you don’t give me my way, I’ll unleash the awsome wrath of the magic used handkerchief on you!

  • Loqi

    I prayed to my magic used handkerchief to make the sun rise today, so you know it’s legit. If you don’t give me my way, I’ll unleash the awsome wrath of the magic used handkerchief on you!

  • The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge

    In the 2000 Presidential election, between George W. Bush and Al Gore, I lived in a place called Broward County, Florida. When they declared the state of Florida–and the election–for Al Gore,….

    Musta missed that, when I was actually around at the time. I remember Florida, and the election, being declared for Bush, and the recount being stopped because arbitrary deadlines invented for the occasion are more important than people’s right to have their votes counted.

  • The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge

    In the 2000 Presidential election, between George W. Bush and Al Gore, I lived in a place called Broward County, Florida. When they declared the state of Florida–and the election–for Al Gore,….

    Musta missed that, when I was actually around at the time. I remember Florida, and the election, being declared for Bush, and the recount being stopped because arbitrary deadlines invented for the occasion are more important than people’s right to have their votes counted.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge, look, you have the right to vote. Nobody said anything about it being counted.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge, look, you have the right to vote. Nobody said anything about it being counted.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000263140906 Donovan

    Do they ever think their prayers for God to help the SCOTUS make the right decision and “do His will” might have been If she prayed to God for help in 2000, and it worked, surely when she asked for help in 2015 it worked again. By her own logic, God made the SCOTUS rule in favor of nationwide same-sex marriage, thanks to her. Her next step should be to send bills for services rendered to all the same sex couples getting married.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000263140906 Donovan

    Do they ever think their prayers for God to help the SCOTUS make the right decision and “do His will” might have been If she prayed to God for help in 2000, and it worked, surely when she asked for help in 2015 it worked again. By her own logic, God made the SCOTUS rule in favor of nationwide same-sex marriage, thanks to her. Her next step should be to send bills for services rendered to all the same sex couples getting married.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    raven it’s clear that your prayers were better and that Woogy Oogy is a better god because Obama won by a greater margin than Bush did in 2000. All hail Woogy Oogy!

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    raven it’s clear that your prayers were better and that Woogy Oogy is a better god because Obama won by a greater margin than Bush did in 2000. All hail Woogy Oogy!

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    I asked for God to change the outcome of the election. You know what happened: He answered that “ridiculous” prayer.

    Hah! Told you that election was rigged.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    I asked for God to change the outcome of the election. You know what happened: He answered that “ridiculous” prayer.

    Hah! Told you that election was rigged.

  • caseloweraz

    Pierce R. Butler: The one that promoted “abstinence-only” programs and would not allow medical aid or counseling to sex workers unless they promised not to do that any more?

    Your standards of “right, mostly” seem to have a huge fudge factor in that “mostly” part.

    Yes, the abstinence-only provisions of PEPFAR have been much criticized — here, for example.

    But that article dates from 2007. AIUI, the program was revised in 2008 to remove the requirement for abstinence-only prevention. Sure, PEPFAR would have been better without it, and without the stigmatizing of prostitution. But I still think it was a net positive.

  • caseloweraz

    Pierce R. Butler: The one that promoted “abstinence-only” programs and would not allow medical aid or counseling to sex workers unless they promised not to do that any more?

    Your standards of “right, mostly” seem to have a huge fudge factor in that “mostly” part.

    Yes, the abstinence-only provisions of PEPFAR have been much criticized — here, for example.

    But that article dates from 2007. AIUI, the program was revised in 2008 to remove the requirement for abstinence-only prevention. Sure, PEPFAR would have been better without it, and without the stigmatizing of prostitution. But I still think it was a net positive.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    caseloweraz @ # 20: But I still think it was a net positive.

    It seems you’re right.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    caseloweraz @ # 20: But I still think it was a net positive.

    It seems you’re right.