The Devil Comes to Detroit

This weekend the Satanic Temple unveiled the statue of Baphomet that was supposed to go up at the Oklahoma state capitol next to the Ten Commandments monument, but they did so in Detroit at a secret location because of many threats received. Needless to say, the righteous are really going apeshit over it.

Nine Detroit preachers have done battle with the Satanic Temple, protesting the statue being brought to their city and pleading with the city not to allow it.

“They got kicked out of Boston, Oklahoma didn’t want them, they tried to put (it) up in Florida, that was shut down,” said David Bullock of Greater St. Matthew Baptist Church in Detroit at a recent news conference. “Now they come to Detroit. Why do they come to Detroit?”

“We gather together to stand, as one unit, against this demonic spirit,” said Pastor Don Shelby of Burning Bush International Ministries.

Area Catholics held a special mass aimed at countering the spirit of the Satanists.

About 250 parishioners and supporters gathered Saturday morning at St. Joseph Catholic Church to pray for Detroit.

The Satanic Temple eventually got its way, as city leaders allowed them put up their statue.

Good for you. Feel free to pray about it all you want, but you can’t actually stop it from going up on private property because of that pesky First Amendment. The city didn’t allow them to do it, they had nothing to do with it at all. They didn’t need a permit, it’s on private property, and even if they did it would be illegal for the city to block it. But these Christians who would scream bloody murder at the notion that a city would deny anyone the right to put up a statue in their house, place of worship or business wanted the city to prevent it from happening here. As usual, “religious freedom” only means “Christian privilege.”

But that’s when the fun started:

But Church Militant brought their own version of a heavenly statue, only instead of a fallen angel, theirs was a sculpture of the Archangel Michael.

Church Militant had a 6-foot bronze statue of the archangel, which they hauled in a flatbed truck and prayed the prayer of St. Michael while encircling the site three times…

Church Militant also crashed the indoor “unveiling party” and photographed the satanic supporters – and while some interviewed by a local TV station said they don’t actually worship Satan others did describe themselves as anti-Christian. Visible in one of the photographs is an illuminated, upside-down cross.

Satanic party-goers paid $25 for a ticket, and $75 to get photographed on Baphomet’s lap.

“We brought our six-foot bronze statue of St. Michael, who normally rests in our Abp. Fulton J. Sheen studio, as a counter-witness to the blasphemous goat-headed statue of Baphomet, meant to represent Satan,” the Catholic group said on its website. “According to Scripture, St. Michael is the angel who did battle against Lucifer and cast him out of Heaven into the Abyss.”

Hilarious, the battle of the inert objects (and both in violation of the 2nd Commandment, incidentally). The difference is that the satanists don’t actually believe that their statue does anything at all other than piss off Christians. The Christians believe that their statue has some actual power, maybe to chase demons away or something. Basically, they’re being trolled in a big way and ducking right into the punch.

To make things even more amusing, the Church Militant is a Catholic group and some of the Worldnetdaily readers commented that because the Catholic church is the “whore of Babylon” in their view, this was really just a battle of two different demonic groups. I don’t care who you are, that’s funny right there.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    We truly are in The End Times.

    In the Book of Revelation, the Archangel Michael is hauled from battle to battle on the back of a flatbed.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    Nine Detroit preachers have done battle with the Satanic Temple, protesting the statue being brought to their city and pleading with the city not to allow it.

    Do we score that as a “LOSS” then?

  • wreck

    They’re so cute when they play make-believe!

  • John Hinkle

    “We gather together to stand, as one unit…”

    Uhh huh-huh, he said “unit.”

  • Larry

    Church Militant had a 6-foot bronze statue of the archangel, which they hauled in a flatbed truck and prayed the prayer of St. Michael while encircling the site three times…

    Why do I hear the Benny Hill music playing as they drove the truck around the site 3 times?

  • toxic

    Its funny hearing all the christian nuts losing there fucking minds

  • frankgturner

    @ Larry #5

    The song has a name, it is called “Yakety Sax.” Nice thought too.

  • anat

    Please, toxic. They are Christians. Their minds do not fuck.

  • eamick

    (and both in violation of the 2nd Commandment, incidentally)

    First Commandment, actually, and Catholics engage in some impressive theological tap-dancing to say they’re not really worshiping, just venerating. (Uh-huh. Right.)

  • John Pieret

    We brought our six-foot bronze statue of St. Michael … as a counter-witness to the blasphemous goat-headed statue of Baphomet

    Really? What did Baphomet say and what did Michael reply? Inquiring minds don’t really give a shit.

  • http://healthvsmedicine.blogspot.com cervantes

    No, it is the second commandment they are violating:

    Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of then that hate me; and shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me and keep my commandments.’

  • http://healthvsmedicine.blogspot.com cervantes

    And I suppose the first as well . . .

  • Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    @9, @11:

    It depends on who’s doing the numbering. In the Catholic tradition the First Commandment includes both the Other Gods clause and the Graven Images clause. In the Talmud both of these are considered part of the Second Commandment. Pretty much everyone else has Other Gods as #1 and Graven Images as #2.

  • raven

    Its funny hearing all the christian nuts losing there fucking minds.

    What minds?

  • Abby Normal

    “According to Scripture, St. Michael is the angel who did battle against Lucifer and cast him out of Heaven into the Abyss.”

    No it doesn’t. God cast Lucifer into Hell. Michael will do battle with Lucifer during the apocalypse. It’s a prophesy. Is it really too much to ask that militant Christians learn their holy scriptures at least as well as a atheist with no more than a casual interest in the topic?

  • blf

    Its funny hearing all the christian nuts losing there fucking minds.

    Dear kooks,

      Take a lesson from squirrels. They tend to remember where it’s buried. And it doesn’t walk away after three days.

     

    (I’m nut a grammer or spilling nasty I but couldn’tt resist…)

  • OverlappingMagisteria

    Abby Normal:

    No it doesn’t. God cast Lucifer into Hell. Michael will do battle with Lucifer during the apocalypse. It’s a prophesy

    Not necessarily. Catholics are open to the idea of preterism/partial-preterism which is that the events in Revelation have already (or at least partially) happened in the first century. Don’t ask me to explain how that makes sense though.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preterism

  • Synfandel

    We brought our six-foot bronze statue of St. Michael…as a counter-witness to the blasphemous goat-headed statue of Baphomet…

    Given that their statue doesn’t have actual working eyes, I doubt it will make much of a witness—or “counter-witness”.

  • Big Boppa

    Now what we here is to get these statues into the hands of a bunch of those battle bot guys. They can trick ’em out with motors and servos and saw blades and rocket launchers so this battle of religious iconography can get it done properly.

  • Big Boppa

    Hercules @13

    It depends on who’s doing the numbering. In the Catholic tradition the First Commandment includes both the Other Gods clause and the Graven Images clause. In the Talmud both of these are considered part of the Second Commandment. Pretty much everyone else has Other Gods as #1 and Graven Images as #2.

    Whatever…..I had Graven Images in the 3rd by a KO so I’m fucked.

  • OverlappingMagisteria

    The Baphomet-bot gets the flame-thrower. Obviously.

  • http://howlandbolton.com richardelguru

    @Abby

    ” Is it really too much to ask that militant Christians learn their holy scriptures at least as well as a atheist with no more than a casual interest in the topic?”

    It is, it really is!

  • Die Anyway

    Big Boppa@19

    Oh yeah! Quarter finals — Baphomet vs Bite Force, and St. Michael vs Tombstone. I’ll get the popcorn.

  • freehand

    anat says: Please, toxic. They are Christians. Their minds do not fuck.

    .

    Their minds might fuck, but they will feel guilty about it. What their minds will never do is dance.

  • busterggi

    A statue of the Archangel Michael? How many gods do these Christians have?

  • cptdoom

    It depends on who’s doing the numbering. In the Catholic tradition the First Commandment includes both the Other Gods clause and the Graven Images clause. In the Talmud both of these are considered part of the Second Commandment. Pretty much everyone else has Other Gods as #1 and Graven Images as #2.

    Which is just one reason why I love it when Christians talk about the “unerring Bible” as if there were only one collection of holy writings used by Christians. If you can’t even agree on the 10 major rules…

  • felidae

    Wow–the battle of the statues, I bet the metaphysical air was rent with the sounds of combat

  • Synfandel

    Detroit may have to call in the Ghostbusters.

  • skinnercitycyclist

    Y’all want some real fun, check out the comments here: http://www.churchmilitant.com/news/article/the-devil-in-detroit

  • Al Dente

    busterggi @25

    How many gods do these Christians have?

    There’s the three main ones: Dad, JC and the Spook. Catlicks and others of that ilk act like Mary’s a goddess. Satan’s at least a demi-god. Plus there’s all the lesser gods like saints, angels and demons. Christians claim they’re monotheists. In actuality they possibly outdo the Hindus for number of gods. (The Hindus claim there are 30 million gods.)

  • jnorris

    Nine preachers and a whole Catholic Mass (including alter boys?) and the statue still stands. Makes me wonder about that thing Jesus said about three believers praying in His Name and having faith the size of a mustard seed. I think detroit needs some Real TruChristians ™.

  • raven

    No it doesn’t. God cast Lucifer into Hell

    The bible doesn’t say that either.

    There was no war in heaven. They stole that from Milton who made it up. There is one in Revelation which hasn’t happened yet. Revelation is a roadmap of the future. It says that on the first page.

    Is it really too much to ask that militant Christians learn their holy scriptures at least as well as a atheist with no more than a casual interest in the topic?

    Well, yes. But it doesn’t matter. To them.

    Almost all of what xians believe isn’t in the bible. And the bible is a contradictory, incoherent mess, which even the early xians who compiled it knew. And the chances when a xian quotes scripture of it being correct and in context is around…zero.

    It’s all just modern fiction on top of ancient fiction.

  • Holms

    This silliness is reminiscent of a couple of children using their action figurines in fights against each other.

    “Mine comes with REAL KUNG_FU MOVES!”

    “Oh yeah well mine has a laser that even lights up if you put batteries in! peoowwww peww pew I shot your guy, he’s dead now!”

    “Nuh-uh, he can dodge lasers even! [Bruce Lee noises ensue…]

  • http://wanderinweeta.blogspot.com Susannah

    They had good Biblical precedent: I Samuel 5: 1ff gives the story:

    1After the Philistines had captured the ark of God, they took it from Ebenezer to Ashdod.

    2Then they carried the ark into Dagon’s temple and set it beside Dagon.

    3When the people of Ashdod rose early the next day, there was Dagon, fallen on his face on the ground before the ark of the LORD! They took Dagon and put him back in his place.

    4But the following morning when they rose, there was Dagon, fallen on his face on the ground before the ark of the LORD! His head and hands had been broken off and were lying on the threshold; only his body remained.

    Maybe the Archangel Michael has to wait till nightfall to start work.

  • lorn

    Fucking Christians can’t even get the spell right. They are supposed to go around the site once a day for six days and then around it seven times on the seventh day. There are some horns involved but if you can’t get the basics right they don’t help.

  • StevoR

    @27. felidae : “Wow–the battle of the statues, I bet the metaphysical air was rent with the sounds of combat.”

    Reminds me of this :

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDPG3gwGFbM&list=UULhtZqdkjshgq8TqwIjMdCQ

    Entertaining if somewhat questionable piece of internet silliness.

  • dingojack

    The devil was hoping to fly down to Georgia – but was sent to the wrong gate… :(

    Dingo

  • pickwick

    –Susannah

    Maybe! I think, though, that the Archangel Michael is a Weeping Angel–as long as any of his followers, or even the Satanists, are watching, he’s just a statue. Only when he’s sure nobody’s watching can he become animate and topple Baphomet from his perch. That would truly explain why nobody really witnesses miracles, because miracles can only ever happen in the absence of witnesses!

  • pickwick

    erm, I should have hit “preview”… I blockquoted mine own comment and the bit I meant to quote disappeared. :<

    Supposed to have been quoted was this:

    "Maybe the Archangel Michael has to wait till nightfall to start work." –Susannah

  • dingojack

    Maybe Susannah’s quote was sent back to 1920’s Hull… :)

    Dingo

  • caseloweraz

    Skinnercitycyclist (#29): Y’all want some real fun, check out the comments here: [link deleted]

    It’s interesting that all dissenting comments are deleted. There’s no way to tell whether they were abusive or rational. Of course, I expect that for that crowd reason counts as abuse.

    And it’s a minor detail, but the vehicle described as a flatbed truck is in reality a pickup truck.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    About 250 parishioners and supporters gathered Saturday morning at St. Joseph Catholic Church to pray for Detroit.

    About 40 years too late.

  • thebookofdave

    the vehicle described as a flatbed truck is in reality a pickup truck.

    With their contender remaining chained in place. This could be interpreted as an expression of confidence, but it certainly made for a boring match. It’s a good thing for the spectators that the Militants weren’t charging admission to their show.