Alex Jones: Teen Studmuffin

The perpetually ridiculous Alex Jones regaled his audience with tales of hot older women in Lambourghinis just dying to seduce him as a young teenage boy. Why would they want to do that? To seduce him into worshiping Satan with them, of course.

“Every time I thought some hot 17-year-old, when I was like 13 or 14, really wanted to date me and I’d drive out to some big old mansion of theirs—and I mean real mansions, helicopter pads, private landing fields, you name it—God almighty, after the third or fourth time I had been with them, they’d tell me, ‘By the way, we worship this god and we want you to come to this event, we want you to engage in this activity because Lucifer is really God,’” Jones said.

He added, “They knew inter-dimensionally because believe me, they weren’t trying to get the average person to go do that. Everybody thought like, ‘Why are you dating the head cheerleader or the head senior when you’re a freshman in high school?’ Well, because she was driving me out there in her $100,000 Mercedes and that was 30-something years ago, driving me out there in her $100,000 Mercedes that’d be a $300,000 Maybach today, to try to get me into the cult.”…

“Now look how crazy that was 30-plus years ago. I’m 44, so I was about 13, 14, when that started. And look at what we’ve done against the globalists, look at Bohemian Grove, look at it all. All of us are being called towards a quickening and we’re either going to resonate with the dark satanic force or the force of life. We’re going to resonate with the round-up and the genetic engineering and the nuclear war or we’re going to resonate with happy green fields and butterflies and our children,” Jones said.

“I don’t tell you that story to sit there and impress you, because I’ll be honest with you, I love women and they were great pieces of ass,” Jones said. “But they weren’t there to get me because they thought I was good-looking. They were there to get me because evil knew, because let me tell you they weren’t going after other 13- and 14-year-olds at the high school, evil knew what we were going to do in the future but evil failed.”

Ah, the delusions of grandeur — and machismo — dreamed up by pathetically insecure men with active imaginations. I picture him saying this in the voice of Jon Lovitz’ Tommy Flanagan character. Surely one of those women was….Morgan Fairchild. Yeah, that’s the ticket. She’d drive me out into the desert where we would talk to the lizard aliens and have a threesome with Satan. Yeah. The buffoonery simply knows no limits.

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