There’s a group called Drag Queen Story Hour, where drag queens go into libraries and schools and read to children. Naturally, that has ignorant bigots like Pat Robertson all verklempt and clutching their pearls. Robertson says this better stop or his big bad invisible buddy is going to go medieval on all our tushies:
“This next story should shock the daylights out of you and you ought to do something about it,” Robertson vented. “It’s an outrage. Little teeny children as young as two years-old being exposed cross-dressers, homosexuals who dress up as women and are called so-called drag queens … They’re men acting like women—and they used to, out in San Fransciso, used to call them ‘he-shes’—and they’re reading books to children.”
“You’d better get outraged about this,” he added.
“If you read the Bible, there were a couple of cities where they actually, the men tried to have sex with angels who were then as male figures and God destroyed those cities,” Robertson said following the segment. “The crime was called, subsequent to that, it was called sodomy. This whole thing is just an outrage. It’s an affront in the eyes of God and I think that’s what we’re trying to do is stick our fingers in God’s eyes and say, ‘Okay Lord, you thought you were making people men and women … but we’re going to fix it so that we’re going to confuse the sexes, we’re going to confuse everything that you’re doing and then, if we have offspring as a result of our sexual activity out of marriage, we’re going to kill the offspring and we’ll stick our fingers in your eye to show you who’s boss.’”“The United States of America is on very slippery ground,” he warned. “How is going going to bless America if we put our finger in his eyes repeatedly? And that’s what we’re doing. It’s not just some library that is going to be in trouble, it’s the whole population when God brings judgment.”
I think you need to pray about this, Pat. I mean really pray about it, like 24/7. Don’t give up! God is on your side! You can add it to the long list of things you’ve claimed God is going to punish us for (abortion, homosexuality, the ACLU, liberals, feminism, and on and on). The bible says to “pray unceasingly” so you’d better not stop. You should even be praying while you’re doing those 2000 pounds leg presses because of those magical miracle shakes you sell (I smell a con artist). And get others to do it too, 24 hours a day. Don’t eat, don’t drink, don’t go to work, just stay home and pray (in your closet, as Jesus told you to do). It’s Christians who should be “in the closet” instead of gay people because their savior told them to be there, praying and praying and praying.
And if you do all those things, none of us will ever hear from you again. And lo, the land will bring forth its bounty and there will be joy from coast to coast.