Temple Replica Could Open a Portal to Evil!

Okay, this is my favorite reaction to the totally unremarkable tour of a replica of the entrance to an ancient pagan temple that was destroyed by ISIS. A hysteric named Michael Snyder writes at Charisma News that this could actually open up a portal to...well, to something evil and Satanic. … [Read more...]

The Newest Superhero: Prayer Woman!

Charisma News should really market itself as a satirical magazine because it makes me laugh constantly. Pam Olsen, creator of a group called Bound4Life, has quite an amusing article about being an "intercessor" for the government and how she is "standing in the gap" (whatever that means) with her amazing powers of prayer. … [Read more...]

‘Prophets’ Invade Orlando, Florida

Last weekend was the "Awakenings" conference in Orlando, Florida, an event that featured speakers like James Dobson and Franklin Graham. But it also included some of Cindy Jacobs' self-declared "prophet" buddies, who were there to share the vision God gave her of Florida launching a new Great Awakening. … [Read more...]

Joyner: Math Proves These are the End Times

When Rick Joyner and Jim Bakker get together, you know there's going to be enough manure spread to fertilize the Sahara desert. They did not disappoint. Self-declared "prophet" Joyner proved that we are living in the end times using a simple mathematical calculation. … [Read more...]

Ted Cruz Gets an Exorcism!

Okay, this is absolutely hilarious. A couple guys in Texas interrupted one of Ted Cruz' campaign speeches to attempt to perform an exorcism on him because he's possessed by demons. What makes it all the funnier is that it's people like Cruz who believe in such utter nonsense in the first place. … [Read more...]

Cindy Jacobs Can Change the Weather!

Our old friend Cindy Jacobs is at it again. She of the bottomless spaghetti bowl also can command the weather and send the rain clouds away so they can do a videotaping for the 700 Club. It may take a half an hour to do it, but she's just sure it was her praying that made the rain go away. Because obviously, clouds don't move with the winds or anything. Hemant has the story: … [Read more...]

Robertson: Rock Music Can Summon Demons!

When I was growing up as a Christian in the early 80s, the preachers were continually ranting about the evils of "demonic" rock music. This was the height of the "backward masking" hysteria, when these dumbasses convinced themselves that rock bands were recording secret satanic messages backwards on their albums. Pat Robertson is still stuck in the 80s, it seems: … [Read more...]

Pat Robertson Predicts Fall of Saudi Arabia

At the end of every year, Pat Robertson goes to a mountaintop retreat and communes with God, who gives him predictions for the next year (apparently, you get better reception up there). The fact that his predictions almost never come true unless they're incredibly obvious should probably make you doubt this latest prophecy, that the Saudi government is going to be overthrown. … [Read more...]

Oh Good, More Signs of Witchcraft

The hilariously goofy Jennifer LeClaire, editor of Charisma News, is back with three more "sure signs" that you're being attacked by witchcraft. And just like the first five, they're just ordinary, mundane, everyday things like feeling frustrated, or getting sick, or feeling tired. Because we can't possibly explain those things in any other way, it simply must be witchcraft. … [Read more...]

Piper: Sex is for Christians

I'm sure this will come as quite a shock for my non-Christian readers, which is to say, I'm sure, almost all of them: Sex is not for you. I know you think it is, but John Piper, chancellor of Bethlehem College & Seminary and pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis, says sex is not for us, it's only for Christians. I imagine that Josh Duggar would agree with him on this one. … [Read more...]

Huckabee Bravely Offers What He Knows Can’t Happen

Mike Huckabee is an incredibly courageous man. During a rally for Kim Davis when she was released from jail on Tuesday, he bravely offered to take Davis' place if Judge Bunning decides to send her back to jail for continuing to refuse to comply with his order to allow marriage licenses to be issued to same-sex couples. He did so while safe in the knowledge that this can't actually happen, of course. … [Read more...]

Mikey Weinstein Gets an Offer He CAN Refuse

I often publish emails that are sent to Mikey Weinstein by various cranks, kooks and haters, always of the Christian variety and nearly always incredibly anti-Semitic too. But he got one on Friday and forwarded it to me that takes a whole new approach. They're offering him a million dollars (!) to either shut down the Military Religious Freedom Foundation or undergo a 3-month Christian training program to cure him of his evil ways. I'm not even joking. … [Read more...]