Today is the End of the World. Yes, Again.

Having only narrowly averted the predicted cataclysms that were supposed to hit us on Sept. 13th, 23rd or 24th (depending on which wingnut was making the prediction), we are faced once again with a prophecied end of the world. The date: Today! According to a group of Christian end-times theology types, October 7 is the date on which "the world will pass away" and be "annihilated." … [Read more...]

God Told Bakker to Wear Black Underwear


Disgraced con man and televangelist Jim Bakker claims to talk to God every day, which would explain why all those predictions he made for September about a financial collapse and lots of natural disasters hitting America turned out to be false. But God doesn't just warn him about such things, he tells him what clothes to wear. And those clothes prove that God is really talking to him. … [Read more...]

End Times ‘Prophet’ Cahn: Wrong Again

Jonathan Cahn, the end-times preacher rabbi behind all that shemitah year nonsense, has whiffed completely on his prediction that horrible things would happen to the United States last month, so he's now extended it a whole year so that if anything bad happens in that time, he can claim to have been accurate. But over the weekend, he predicted that Hurricane Joaquin might hit Washington, DC as God's punishment for The Gay. … [Read more...]

Land: Obama the Result of God’s Judgment


I wish the Christian right would figure out whether President Obama's presidency is going to lead to God's judgment on the United States or whether it actually is God's judgment on us. Some claim the former, some claim the latter. Add former Southern Baptist Convention leader Richard Land to the list of those who think God put Obama in power as a judgment for all the terrible things we've done. … [Read more...]

The Worldnetdaily’s Problem With Cause and Effect


A couple weeks ago, a weather system formed in the Atlantic ocean that was named Tropical Storm Joaquin, which has since gained strength and become a hurricane. On Wednesday, a Palestinian leader spoke at the United Nations and the Palestinian flag was flown over the UN headquarters, as is customary. The Worldnetdaily thinks the second thing caused the first thing and they quote "experts in Biblical prophecy" talking about it. … [Read more...]

Piper: Sex is for Christians

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I'm sure this will come as quite a shock for my non-Christian readers, which is to say, I'm sure, almost all of them: Sex is not for you. I know you think it is, but John Piper, chancellor of Bethlehem College & Seminary and pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis, says sex is not for us, it's only for Christians. I imagine that Josh Duggar would agree with him on this one. … [Read more...]

Congressman Steals Pope’s Water Glass. And Then It Gets Weird.

After Pope Francis spoke before a joint session of Congress on Thursday, one member of Congress snuck up to the podium and stole his water glass. Now that's weird enough. But it gets even weirder. Then he and others drank from it, invited still others to dip their water in it, and now the congressman plans to anoint his grandchildren because he thinks it's "holy water" and will do...well, something. … [Read more...]

Klingenschmitt: Mecca Crane Collapse Due to Muslims Praying to Satan


Our old friend Gordon Klingenschmitt took a break from discerning which demons have possessed which people and decided to explain why a crane collapsed in Mecca and killed more than a hundred Muslims at the great mosque. I know why it collapsed: Because they didn't follow proper safety procedures (thanks dad, a construction safety consultant). But Klingenschmitt says it's because Muslims pray to Satan. … [Read more...]

OK Teacher Allegedly Forces Kid to Write With Wrong Hand

The parent of a four year old pre-kindergarten student in Okemah, Oklahoma has filed a complaint with the school board, alleging that her son's teacher forced him to write with his right hand even though he's left-handed. When she confronted the teacher about it, the teacher apparently sent her a letter telling her that left-handedness is associated with the devil and with evil. … [Read more...]

Republican Waves Tampon, Speaks in Tongues at City Council Meeting

A former Republican senatorial candidate from Alaska named Kathleen Tonn delivered an absolutely bizarre diatribe to the Anchorage city assembly in opposition to a proposed ordinance that would forbid discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. She pulled out a tampon and talked about girls getting periods, then read flamboyantly out of the Bible (not a word about how the period made girls "unclean"). You gotta watch this: … [Read more...]

Farah Still Pimping Those Blood Moons

Joseph Farah and the Worldnetdaily have been furiously promoting all that "blood moons" nonsense for well over a year now, selling several books and videos about how this entirely natural phenomenon, which actually has nothing to do with blood or, frankly, with the moon (it's the atmosphere that changes the way it looks, the moon stays exactly the same). But time is short now because the last one is appearing in less than four weeks, so they can only make money on it before the whole thing … [Read more...]

God is Punishing Us for Rebuilding the World Trade Center?


Wingnuts are forever reading their biblical tea leaves and telling us what God is punishing us for today (spoiler alert: he's punishing us for all the things wingnuts don't like), but this one seems particularly weird. Jonathan Cahn, the Worldnetdaily's favorite Messianic Jew (read: Christian preacher) told Jim Bakker (read: con man) that rebuilding at Ground Zero was the last straw that made God go all medieval on our asses. … [Read more...]