Didigiri

Our great Nation has a father – Mahatma Gandhi, an uncle – Chacha Nehru and now they have a Didi -Didi of West Bengal-Mamata Banerjee. For over three decades Didi has nurtured this dream, of throwing the fascist, bodmash CPM out of her state. After years of seeing red, she has now become allergic to this colour and sick of the sickle. She takes her name Mamata Ban-erjee rather seriously. She wants to ban anything remotely related to development in her state. She thinks the day is not far when her Trinamool Congress will storm the Red Bastion. In the meantime she is busy cooling her heels as the Union Railways Minister. Presenting Didi in her own words……

I haab come a long way in my rubber-choppol and I smell bhictory. From student leader in Jogmaya Debi College to heading Trinamool Congress, voaat a jaarney it has been. Didi works phrom dil, but does anybody understand? So many times I change partner – Congress, BJP, NDA, UPA. Try different pojishuns, but no satisphaction. Ebheryone loves to think I am a drama queen. Let them think….no probhlem. I am a waarker not a thinker. I go on phasts, threaten to hang myself with a shawl, shout, cry, but in Politics you haab to do these things re baba. If you don’t protest and make loud noises nobody pays attention to you. Now I am being charged of shielding the Maoists. Maoists? voaat Maoists? Don’t you know they have all left Oaest Bengal. They just vacationed in Singur and then used some innocent Railway passengers for target practice. All Maoists have now said bye-bye to Bengal.

I have many times become Minister but eberytime it is the same story- I protest, sulk and then resign. Voaat to do? I am so emotional. I hold that rogue Amar Singh by his collar, throw my shawl at that paagol Paswan. This time bhen I haab become Railbhay Minister again after so much hard work, people are suggesting 101 excuses for me to resign. They say Mamata is not spending enough time on her ministry. Saying I am olvays in Kolkata and hardly spend time in Delhi. Voaat can I do re baba? I have been bheree bheree busy with the Oaest Bengal civic polls. Delhi is not my home. Isko naam deta kormobhumi. Bhen there is no parliament session, why should I stay in Delhi? Kolkata is my homeland. First comes matri bhumi. Bengal needs Mamata Di, Delhi already has Sonia Didi.

If I am mostly sleeping and not doing my work then how can I present two Railbhay budgets in just eight months? Voaat a long speech I gave bhen I present the Railbhay Budget in Parliament. From Tipu sultan and Bahadur Shah Zafar to Mother Teressa, Tagore and Bhagat Singh I quoted ebheryone. I gave free History lessons but voaas anyone interested? All of them sniggering, interrupting. So voaat if I pronounce all the state names incorrectly, at least I can pronounce Oaest Bengal properly. Dekho Bhai mereko pronunciation kharap hai, chellao naa re baba. If you don’t listen naa, I bheel cut!!! And why are you accusing me of giving trains only to Bengal? Jaab Mumbai mein 100 trains diya, to kuch kaahe nahin bola? Why, why Bengal ke liye chillataa hai.

And how dare that Laloo make phun of me on Tee Bhee. Chapra kaheen kaa. Does he know voaat a scholar I am and how many books I haab written? Bolo? Bolo? Jaane kee? Sebhenteen. Will somebody please tell that man he needs to trim his nostril hair!

How I miss my Trinamool party in Delhi. Nobody dare interrupt me when I give speech. They are scared of Didi’s mood swings naa. Like a game of snakes and ladders, they are olvays in suspense- when they will go up and when they bheel come sliding down. But they all keep quiet knowing Didi bhill lead them to bhictory.
But let me tell you this, Oaest Bengal’s ruling party CPI(M) is no bhodrolok party, full badmash company. Pharst they make phun of my Doctorate degree claiming they can’t trace the East Georgia Unibhaarsiti that conferred the honour and now they are trying to blame the Railways station stampede on me? Voaat can I do if people running fast-fast and then tripping? Should I be standing at ebhery Railway station asking passengers to move in a single file with fingers on their lips? And to make it worse Rail-Motormen decided to go on a strike in Mumbai. Eeesh!! Don’t they have anything better to do? I used to think going on a strike is a prerogative only we Bengalis enjoy!! Please, please leave me in peace in Kolkata.

But now I am having the last laugh. Such a good drubbing I gave CPI(M) at the civic elections. Saarbh them right. And look what happened in Singur. I brought in a rebholution with the Maoists and the Left had to scrap the Nandigram Project. Tata, Tata Daa, go make your small car in Gujarat. Ebher since Singur I have tasted nothing but bhictory. Bhether it was Assembly by- elections or school committee polls bhictory has olvays been mine.

The public bherdict is clear. There is no gobhernance in Bengal right now. Didi is the only hope for Bengal and I demand early elections. Korbo Lodbo Jitbo Re, Korbo Lodbo Re, Jeetbo Re, Jeetbo Re. But once I am Chief-Minister, voaat will I protest against, who will I protest against? No probhlem!! I can olvays do Didigiri in Delhi.