Relics Writ Small

At home in my dresser upstairs I have a wee yellow sock, about four inches long. Just one. Downstairs I have a drawer in the laundry room full of single socks, which, despite my husband’s indictment, do not lose their partners through any collusion on my part. Those socks are casualties of clothes-basket subterfuge, a mangled mêlée that always takes place in the dead of night when no one is looking. Those socks always retain some vestige of hope – perhaps their mates will reappear; perhaps they will be worn again; perhaps, even, they will become useful as rags. But the one upstairs? Something else entirely. It has no suspended purpose. It has no “future.” This, however, makes it not less valuable, but more.

Whoever said that relics were things of ancient history? They linger in remote corners of my house, throwing off random sparks of memory whenever I come across them. I have them tucked here and there — the old game Operation, missing a bone or two; a tattered copy of Bears in the Night; a little baggie full of church drawings by a certain 4-year-old… I’m not really the nostalgic sort, so the glimmers are not fraught with sentiment or wistfulness; they are merely reminders of what was, and that what was, was very, very dear.

Perhaps when we think of relics we imagine the creepy bones and leathered skin of some long dead saint under glass cases, or minuscule slivers of the True Cross embedded in a gilded frame. Perhaps we think of the Shroud of Turin or even the elusive Holy Grail. Today we’re seeing a new kind of relic: remnants from the World Trade Center, some of them controversial in their shape or usage, shipped around the world for people to see.

But why? Why relics? What do they do for us? What are we clinging to? Or are we clinging?

For some, they are lightning rods of purpose and identity. St. Peter’s Chains, housed in a golden case, backlit and silent, may speak to the triumph of the Christian faith, freed from political chains and released by martyrdom to conquer the world.

For others, relics offer a supernatural connection to the immensity of mystery. The Chains may retain a whiff of the saint’s sanctity, and molecules of holiness seep through the glass to rest on the pilgrims.

My little sock? No whiffs of anything; no lightning rod of meaning. A little sock, whose partner is long gone, which will never be worn again. A little sock that wouldn’t now fit on two fingers of the child who once wore it. A sock that remains, for a while, in my drawer but will someday inevitably be lost or thrown out. A sock that has meaning to no one but me.

Here I am, a historian; a student of the past, a lover of old stories and lost people and dusty words. And an occasional relic-titian.

And in pondering the little yellow sock, I see it for what it is: a corporeal symbol of a now-elusive, but just as authentic, immaterial reality, the reality of my children’s childhood, a time of blessing and joy. If, as Jesus insisted, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob are alive to God, and if, as Paul wrote, the day will come when all things in heaven and on earth are gathered together under one head, then certainly the holy and wonderful things or times or people or circumstances we have lost, which have passed away and are passing away with each morning and evening, are not lost, but being gathered, like ripe fruit fallen from the tree. They are all present to the One who is himself always present; they are lost to me, but not to him. And the harvest awaits us – not the return of the old or the restoration of the past, but the fullness of the goodness they embodied.

We all will, of course, eventually lose everything. That should not depress us or frighten us (though it does) as much as help us to turn our eyes off the falling fruit and toward the in-gathering, when all its richness will be once again be given. To receive blessing and then to let it go – this is the stipulation of grace.

And the relic? The itty-bitty sock? For a while, it reminds me – it is no longer useful for anything but turning my heart.

Letter to My College-Bound Son

Dear Riley,

Though this is not the first letter I’ve written to you, this is the first letter I’ve ever written to my son who is leaving home for greater adventures. You’ve always been an Adventurer – full of curiosity, passion, and an incomprehensible cheerfulness about getting up at o’dark thirty. God knows I’ve tried to manage your adventures, and sometimes I suppose I’ve been a hindrance and an obstacle. Someone once said that having children was like choosing to live the rest of your life with your heart beating outside of your body. We mothers are very vulnerable and perhaps we act at times out of a ferocious need to protect. But I will manage your adventures no more! (Unless you need money for them… ha!)

It is tempting – once the mother-eye is distant – to choose the riskiest adventures you can concoct. Remember the Prodigal Son? Off he runs into imagined bliss. The possibilities were limitless. No obligations, no call for effort, no boundaries. Just good times. And then — loneliness, desperation, emptiness, and longing. I just have to ask: Where was that boy’s mother??

But even in that story, the first step toward home that the boy took was the first step out the front door. His adventures finally brought him to the point where he “came to his senses.” At his lowest point, he found his true self.

I think one thing that impresses me most about you is that you seem to already have a really good handle on your true self. You’ve been a very self-aware child, from your earliest years. As you have grown in faith and in grace, your awareness has been shaped by Christ’s call on your life. “Draw our hearts to you…”

When I thought about what to write to you, I remembered a strange little phrase in a book I once read. The book is called Markings and it was written by Dag Hammarskjold, the Secretary-General of the United Nations back in the 1950s. Markings is a book of his private reflections, just notes and thoughts and poems about his life, his work, and his faith in Christ. On September 26, 1957, he wrote this:

“Long ago, you gripped me, Slinger. Now into the storm. Now towards your target.”

God is the Slinger, and He has gripped you with love, and He’s aiming you at His target. He’s flinging you into new places of learning, friendship, exploration, and yes adventure. He’s launching you into late-night conversations, concerts in Chicago, long runs through leaf-laden streets, library quiet, and dorm-room chaos. He’s launching you into physics and theology and calculus; He’s flinging you into new visions of a globalized world that will never be the same because Riley is in it. He’s launching you into a lifetime of working to free people from the tangled, twisted ropes that bind them with poverty and pain – like the goat in that Brazilian slum yard. There will almost certainly be storms. But His aim is true, your destiny sure.

Hammarskjold knew this. He knew the Slinger’s grip was trustworthy. “We are not permitted to choose the frame of our destiny. But what we put into it is ours. He who wills adventure will experience it – according to the measure of his courage. He who wills sacrifice will be sacrificed – according to the measure of his purity of heart. . . . Don’t worry about this or anything else, but follow the Way of which you are aware, even when you have departed from it. ‘Nevertheless not as I will, but as Thou wilt.’”

I have no worries about you . . . and I am full of worry. No fears . . . and full of fear. That’s my prerogative; I’m your mom; get over it. But bundle of contradictions though I am, know this: I let you go with confidence, with joy, and with great anticipation of reading the story of The Life of Riley.

All my love,

Me