I find myself:
–Noticing God’s Glory:
I haven’t felt much like blogging lately. I prayed for detachment from the internet, recently, and the Lord answered my prayer. Truth. It was gradual at first–I quit commenting on facebook statuses and dropped interactions down to liking pictures of babies and gourds. I quit reading linked articles immediately. If something piqued my interest, I opened a page to come back to it later, and then if I came back to it, fine, but usually I didn’t. I don’t really know what’s happened with my blog, but I used to check it hourly, or minutely. Recently, it’s been about every three days. Sorry if comments haven’t gone through. I’m sure this too shall pass.
Nothing. Also truth. I came to a standstill listening to The Idiot on Audible. And I’m tired of my music collection. I haven’t taken my headphones on my last three runs, and I have no account of what I thought about during that time. But I have a clear head, which feels good.
–Clothing myself in:
Fleece jacket, jeans or pajama bottoms, and slip on shoes to go outside and follow dogs around while they poo. Not only are the puppies here, I’m also dog-sitting for two of my parents’ dogs, which makes pounds and pounds of poo in the yard, which I don’t want to leave there because I know the puppies have had worms (just wormed them last week), and the kids tend to run around barefoot, even in mid-October.
This is one of those connections I forgot to make when I got the dogs–that the baby is crawling, using her hands on the floor, and putting things in her mouth, and inevitably, the kids are going to track something in. Cue obsessive compulsive cleaning behaviors. I do not want kids with intestinal worms.
–thinking and thinking:
About a little piece of fiction I’m writing. It’s about a despicable woman. I can’t decide if I’m being too hard on her, if I’m intentionally making her stupid. More on that later…
Whether or not I want to re-enter the internet full-force. The less I’m on it, the less I miss it, the more I really do like the other things I’m doing with my life. And I’m praying about that inevitable separation with my virtual self. Can virtual self just quietly disappear? Am I willing to let it go? All that brick-laying for all those years just to knock it down for no good reason? And why not?
Whenever I read someone else thinking about unplugging from the internet, I always cheer them on: Be Courageous! Let the world forget you! BE NOT AFRAID to be unknown!
But we all come slinking back, don’t we?
–Carefully cultivating Rhythm:
I’m not sure what this one means exactly. But there is a definite rhythm to my days. Up at 6:30. Drop off first round of kids. Make breakfast, say prayers, feed dogs, drop off second round of kids at 8. Then I have two hours while the baby naps to write. there’s a pick up at noon, then lunch, then maybe a second nap for baby or quiet reading time, then the big drive to get all the kids, then homework, dinner, chores, exercise maybe, bedtime prayers and Breaking Bad (two episodes, every night, until we get through the whole darn thing).
The always shocking thing about the school year is how much more I do in a day, and how much more engaged I am with what I do. Even the driving feels purposeful and reflective, where the unstructured day just dissipates.–Creating by hand:
If it counts…a story. I am using a pen. Also, dog training is using my hands and it dominates most of my up and about time that’s not consumed with children.
–Learning lessons in:
Biting off more than I can chew. I think it’s actually a good thing to overestimate my abilities, because I tend to rise to expectations. But if there are no expectations, which believe me, is a state of life I willfully cultivated for many, many years–I reach no expectations. In other words, I can generally chew more than I think I can.
Again, dogs. Why do it? I think one of the most rewarding aspects of it, if the kids are old enough, is gently teaching a child to teach gently. Everyone has to be consistent in what we train the dogs to do, so I can’t have one of the kids letting the dogs jump on his head if I want to have a strict no-jumping-up policy with the dogs. Some of the kids are less interested in interacting with the pups than others, and some have responsibilities like feeding and watching them when they’re out of the kennel. Getting this many people to be consistent in how they communicate with them, though, has been nothing short of miraculous.
Nothing urgent, but always for my kids.
Funny one here–one of my children has emerged as a neat-freak. I would never have expected this of any of my kids, but looking back, I can see it now–he always has tucked his shirttail in, even when he was very young. I couldn’t find my spray bleach the other day, and it turned out he had it in his room (that he shares with two brothers), and had been wiping down doorknobs and window frames. Halleluiah!
–Crafting in the Kitchen
Dessert for fifty, due Thursday noon for Teacher’s luncheon. Don’t forget!
–Loving the moments:
-Now that the rain has stopped, sitting out in the adirondack chair, reading a book, puppies nibbling my feet.
-The baby’s morning nap. Best time ever.
-Early morning car rides in the dark: Steamy breath, and an Our Father, Hail Mary, and a Glory Be with my big boys. They don’t fight it yet, in fact they seem to like it, want it, miss it if I forget.
-The end of Cross Country Season, State meet this past weekend, oldest son running in the mud
-Friday night, before Breaking Bad, sent my husband to the VP to buy some Kit-Kats. Don’t know which was most decadent: chocolate late at night, chocolate in bed, or the marathon TV.
For life, husband, family, kids. I’ve really been happy.
–Living the Liturgy:
New priest offers Mass on Monday and Tuesday nights at 5. Oldest son serving at altar. This is at least as much liturgy as the kids got in parochial school. Now that we’re in public ed, I feel a need to plug all the holes–hence the car ride rather than the bus; pray with mom instead of cussing with other kids. What else can I substitute?
–Planning for the week ahead:
-Possible weenie roast with Darwins over the weekend.
-Plan upcoming travel to visit in-laws
-My birthday, need to remember how old I am.