The Brilliance and Beauty of a Marriage, Lost (& Found) in the Mess of Everyday Life


My lost-then-found diamond has become a metaphor for our marriage—lasting and solid and brilliant even when months and years go by when its shine, quality, and distinctiveness are hidden in the scrum of everyday life, obscured by groceries and vacuuming and the many loads we carry. [Read more...]

[Snapshots from Oak Ridge] Married 16 Years Today


We fill our walls here on Oak Ridge Lane not with fine art (we have neither the money nor the passion for collecting), but with things that speak to the life we have built together—posters bought on trips to Italy and California; a limited edition print of the Washington National Cathedral (I lived in the [Read More...]

College Hookup Sex is Built on a Troubling Ethic of Achievement at Any Cost


After reading Kate Taylor’s New York Times article on the culture of casual hookup sex at elite colleges, I had to fight the urge to call my two daughters into the room issuing dire warnings of the world that awaits them in college. The world Taylor describes, in which driven young women drink their anxieties [Read More...]

Resurrection Year: Learning to Live, and Thrive, with Life as It Is Given


Our Western cultural attitudes are not well-equipped for failure. We are a culture of optimists and fixers, holding fiercely to the notion that “pain is gain.” We want to believe that any problem can be overcome, any broken thing fixed, with hard work, a strong will, smart decisions, and hefty doses of modern technology. Christians can [Read More...]

My Church Bells Rang in Celebration of DOMA’s Defeat

Photo courtesy of the Rev. Curtis Farr, St. James's Episcopal Church, West Hartford, CT

Last Thursday morning, the bells of my Episcopal church pealed to celebrate the Supreme Court’s rejection of the Defense of Marriage Act. In my house in the days since, we have been playing Macklemore and Ryan Lewis’s song Same Love at top volume. The opening strains of the song, which indicts the notion that homosexuality is [Read More...]

Because He Cleans the Shower Drain: A Father’s Day Tribute

Sometimes I fall into the trap of believing that I already do everything anyway, that the minutiae in my head and the chores that I do on auto-pilot and the ways I most naturally interact with my kids are clearly the only minutiae and chores and interactions that matter. But they’re not. [Read more...]

How Mother’s Day 2006 Was the Beginning of the Rest of My Life


This is the story I told at this past weekend’s inaugural Speak Up storytelling event in Hartford. In my next email newsletter, I will include a link to the Speak Up podcast, which includes my telling this story to a live audience (with considerable more humor than comes through in the written version), along with [Read More...]

“Love and Salt”: Two Friends Seeking God with Mind and Heart


Love and Salt: A Spiritual Friendship in Letters is the kind of book that you start recommending to other people before you’ve even finished it. It will also get you thinking about your own spiritual friendships—those rare, treasured relationships with people whose company you enjoy and with whom you can discuss theological notions and the [Read More...]