Texting vs. Flirting with a Monk

It’s late and I would enjoy drifting off into dreamland but something in me feels unsettled, an inner agitation.  In the past, I would have allowed this to take root and my thoughts would encircle a ‘problem’. But now I know I can go inside to escape turmoil, establishing peace. Somehow we’ve forgotten that mental calm and balance are our natural default state.

Getting centered can be done with meditation or replacing negative thougths with positive ones like a mantra. Reminding ourselves– I am not a victim any longer, I have the Victor alive in me.

I had just messaged my friend, a monk I met at the Wild Goose last month, about our capacity and enjoyment of Sozo, available to us anyplace, anytime. I joked that in that moment of commanding it, we are enlightened and rest in Christ having cleared Sheol of the demons for us.  But...

Did I really believe my own words? I was now questioning my own faith in my teaching of this: Gal 5:1  says, ‘So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery!!’

I was gifted this word at the festival summer 2015 by a new friend who has since become a partner in sharing yoga with live music. Now I use it on the daily to encourage myself and others.

SOZO: rescued, whole, fully healed

Yes, I teach yoga but more importantly I practice daily in order to stay connected to my bridegroom. In this way, the divine masculine and feminine in me are balanced and my drive to share my gifts is powered by a desire to serve, connect with compassion, and love.

Yesterday I took class in Philly and the teacher had us focus on prana (chi, life-force) in the groin and low belly– awakening the first and second chakras to anything that might need healing.  I felt anger rise up. An emotional response in a pose is the first sign that energy (read: issues in the tissues) is preparing to release, transform + integrate.

First chakra–the root–surrounds issues of survival, safety and family loyalty. The second—sacral–emotions, pleasure, intimacy and connection.

So there I was at 1 a.m crying, and filled with confusion over my remaining ‘daddy issues’ at almost 51 years of age. I was having this lighthearted, spiritual online conversation with the monk(let’s call him this because I love having my first friend in the order) but wondering if I was doing something ‘wrong’.  Would I listen to the voice of smallness, of fear?

This morning’s meditation revealed the old pattern for surrendering. Growing up without any males in the household, no brothers or a father (wonderful step-dad entered the picture at 16 but at that age I had zero interest in opening my heart) resulted in me spending a lot of energy on garnering male attention.

Apparently, there remains a ‘little one’ who is afraid of male connections; she’s afraid she’ll be abandoned again so she wants the upper-hand. The upper-hand for an immature woman is derived from sexual power. Redeemed, this power serves God. We had a little talking to, her and I.

She rested in the Great Lap of Jesu-Sophia until comforted. You see, when I approached the monk to make small talk, I was in the midst of writing down an intention to set ablaze as part of a fire ceremony. On that paper I had written ‘Release the desire for an earthly Spiritual Mother or Father.’

When this stranger, this monk, told me of his relationship with the late, great author and teacher, Phyllis Tickle, something in me enlivened. When he said she used to call him ‘little rascal’, something in me said, ‘ I want to be someone’s ‘little rascal’ —-and that won’t look or feel ‘wrong’.  In order to fully be a partner in a platonic friendship with the opposite sex we must be willing to allow Spirit to show us shadowy aspects rooted in childhood issues.

It’s the story of an innocent man giving His life for us so that we might be restored to an innocence promised us.

Yoga practice is one way God works in returning us to our SOZO– it is His Pledge and Covenant. It is Good/Great news for us all. You are a new creation and nothing from the past can take hold of who you are in Him this day!!13939609_10209971886470788_1374372114238126723_nHe mirrors a reflection of the way He sees you, his bride, child and lover.

 

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