In Which Rescue is on Deck

I turn 40 later this month, and as such have become hella reflective. This year has been one of the worst years of my life. So much so, I’m thinking of canceling my 40th birthday party. Please, please forgive my swears, but what is the gottdamb mutha-effin’ point of a celebration when you are wildly swiveling through the five stages of grief every other day or week? And please know, I do not say any of this lightly. I do not say that for the sake of page hits, Facebook hyperbole, ‘likes’ or pity.I say this because it’s completely, wildly, disappointingly, surprisingly, mortifyingly true. For those of you who’ve kept up with my blog & my writings know that the implosion of my 1st marriage, a complete breakdown, a fierce custody battle, an ugly divorce are all a part of my story, and that too was deeply painful. This year rivals the level of pain & hopelessness of those years. I cannot say why. I am still surprised at the turn of events. I only know life is as equally a nightm … [Read more...]

Something’s Wrong For Our Sisters

Beneath the stereotype of the angry black woman is an overlooked vulnerability.Rahiel Tesfamariam writes that black women act as if there is a war being waged against us. Yes, yes and more yes.Tesfamariam recognizes that the U.S. still doesn't know how to deal with the "angry black woman," whether she's Solange in an elevator or a woman lamenting the life of her dead son. She goes on to say, "We wouldn't have to fight so hard if our minds, bodies and spirits weren't constantly in danger of harm or threat of misuse."As a black woman, my instinct is to push down the sadness, squelch the anger, and reject the hopelessness until...I can't any more. I feel vulnerable, sometimes daily. Mostly, weekly. I can only bottle so much fear when, after repeated exposure of my vulnerabilities as a black woman, my hopelessness bubbles over, sloshing tears all over the place.Earlier this spring, more than 200 girls were stolen out of their school in Chibok, Nigeria. CNN claims the … [Read more...]

What Are You Supposed To Tell Your Sons About the Black Woman Chair?

When an international magazine editor sits down on a chair called "the black woman chair," for an editorial magazine......heads are scratched. Pearls are actually clutched.  Swear words are articulated.  Anger is not just in the head or heart, it is felt in the body.  From anger to sadness to despair.Then you remember this IS our reality.  You forgot...since yesterday.You post it on Facebook and every one feels ALL THE RAGE.  And you feel confirmed that it IS -in fact- jarring, awful, perhaps even evil.  A piece of  "art" gone rogue.  A misstep by an editor, a photographer, a magazine editor, a publisher.They apologize, say "everyone is equal" but you know in your heart this was no unintentional misstep.  This chair was made to be intentionally "provocative," they can call it "not racism," and a "piece of art," and you can call bullshit all day but mostly you stuff it down because if you didn't each new instance of your objectification would suffocate you.You wonder … [Read more...]

Exactly Where This Blog is Headed in 2013

I am a communicator: a writer, a speaker, an artsy fartsy fashionista who has a hard time NOT communicating in one way or another.  It's nearly impossible for me to shut myself down, shut myself up or shut myself out of community & conversations.That is why I blog.  Because I have to.  Being a rabid communicator is who I am and how typically how I bless others the most effectively.I have to speak.  I have to lead small groups.  I have to write for others.  I have to preach.  Yes, I love to do these things, but they are also a key part of my gifts & identity.  When I shut those parts of me down, my head starts to explode while my blood starts to boil.  And then I cry.I've done a great deal of soul-searching in the past year not only about where my life is headed (more on that later) but what I'm doing here with this little, baby'o'mine, www.gabbingwithgrace.com aka GwG.For many, many years I've written here because its been a fun outlet of sorts.  But, sadly, I've … [Read more...]