I Hate Thanksgiving

The day after Thanksgiving, I sat & cried with my husband about how much I hate Thanksgiving. This year, I find myself emotionally gutted over Drumpf's politics of course. Who isn't?  Even bigger than that my heart remained heavy at the treatment of the Standing Rock protesters. On Thanksgiving. With frigid water. In frigid temperatures. Why can't the United States keep it's treaties with Native Americans?  Why are we incapable of treating Native Americans fairly? Why God why? My heart hurts for them. They fight to protect sacred land & get nearly killed for doing so.So. There's that. Sigh.Without fail, every year I tend to dread Thanksgiving & Christmas. Has anyone else noticed this incredible expectation attached to these days? YOU AND YOUR BIG, BEAUTIFUL FAMILY MUST ALL BE HAPPY! THANKFUL! FULL! *Insert eye-roll emoji* This expectation was something I read loud & clear long before social media gave us clues about not only what we should feel on these holidays … [Read more...]

25 Days of Core Desired Feelings

Last July I bought my husband a Danielle LaPorte Desire Map Journal. I knew he'd love it. (He does). The thing is, the 2015 journals were limited edition and 50% off, so I did what every good wife would do: I bought myself the same one so we could 'discuss,' of course.This journal is hella dope and it's been incredibly transformational for me this summer. The premise is that instead of chasing daily/weekly or monthly goals we should chase feelings. Particularly, the core desired feelings you hope to experience when you get what you want. By identifying these core desired feelings it provides a potent form of clarity and by generating them, powerfully creative momentum in your life. This takes practice. Daily.On the 1st day, I identified my core desired feelings as: gratitude, peace, worth & love. That list felt so complete. How could I possibly wake up on any day & desire anything else?I identified my 6 major intentions for the rest of 2015 as:Finish writing a … [Read more...]

Protected: Long on Love, Short on Toilet Cleaning: Our Merry Little Christmas

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I cursed God like Job’s miserable wifey

I am losing something.It's dying.It's not someone but it is something very important me.  It's something that I love very deeply and it's going away.I've cried.In the midst of this loss, something else --with great value to me-- has been fighting for it's life too.I've been crying about that too.In fact, there is very little I don't cry about it: YouTube video's, commercials, small dead animals on the side of the road.I'm an equal opportunity cry-er, nowadays.  A big, fat cry baby is all I am.My emotions have been all. over. the. place.  I haven't put up the balloons and made the mix tape but basically my pity party has come.  I've been up at night crying, journaling, worrying, unable to sleep because I'm in this almost-dead-but-not-dead-yet state of loss.So. I have cursed God.  Yelled (mostly in my head), swore, threatened, sulked. Like an obnoxious, angry, strung out teenager I have been mad at God like he reigned down fire on me or something.  I've … [Read more...]

when facing change

I'm facing change and like you may have guessed, yes I'm pretty much terrified.  Most of the changes I'm facing are the results of my choices.  There's something both liberating and disheartening about that.A blogging friend is facing the pain of change as she lost her twin boys, 18 weeks in utero.  Another friend is facing the pain of her husband leaving her but also trying to royally screw her over financially.  Ugh. The pain I'm facing is different in that it's choices I'm making for myself: some good, some bad.  My friends had these painful transitions thrust upon them.  I've made my choices which add a layer of confusion in the form of "what if this," or "what if that," or "you big nut head, why didn't you do this___ or avoid that____?"Anyone relate?As we face change it's good to remember to cultivate thankfulness, whether by writing it down in the daily journal or speaking out your thankfulness in the form of a prayer to God.  (Yep, even if you haven't spoken in awhile … [Read more...]