Because if it weren’t for bad taste, I’d have no taste at all.
First, preorder my book! Then read it, I guess, if you have to. While you’re reading, play along.
Rule #1: Drink what I drink. If I had to suffer through Olde English–let alone vodka and chocolate milk–so should you.
Rule #2 and ff: Take a shot: every time I emphasize that there are lots of different ways to be gay (/queer <– see, there it is) and lots of different ways to be Catholic.
submission, surrender, ecstasy (you have to do a shot for each)
Oscar Wilde (this one gets rough)
humiliation is awesome, more people should try it
sarcasticaps e.g. Grand Unified Theory of Lesbianism, Night of the Screaming Sweet Potatoes (I’m so glad my editors made me kill most of these but you can find TWO on page 27 alone)
AA-speak, e.g. “keep your own side of the street clean,” “defects of character,” you can decide whether you think “being of service” counts (take two shots if I don’t flag it but you recognize it–although wait, why are you playing this game? uh, no judgment, you do you)
lol bishops, whatever aka my anti-clericalism
“my parents are the greatest, you shut up”
French, why is there so much French in this book?
I actually quote the Bible–it does happen sometimes!
I don’t like choice and I’m not good at it
I don’t want to solve our problems; I want us to have more-Christian problems.
I fight #orthodoxerasure
no really, I love punk feminism and especially ’70s lesbian feminism and you’re gonna hear all about it (I am not a feminist)
Rule #… next: I think I cut out all the places where I say I don’t believe in advice and then immediately give advice, but if you catch one, finish your drink. I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but in my experience, it’ll make you feel much better.
When you regain consciousness, offer up your hangover for the lucky souls in Purgatory.