Take the Guns, Leave the Cannoli–Unless the Cannoli Is What You Need!

I'm a compulsive giver of advice. Despite my demonstrable lack of ability to run my own life like a person, I appear to believe that I could do well running yours. Now and then my friends have to basically say, "That's great and all, stop helping." I have the stereotypical guy thing where the wife just wants to be heard and commiserated with, and the husband insists on trying to solve the problem.Because of this, which I'm trying to present cutely but which can really become a character … [Read more...]

“Advice for Couples: Give Less Advice”: WSJ

Here's a feature article on one of my many obsessions. And yes, I hate "studies have found" too, but much of this rings true. I wish they'd elaborated more on the problems with simply recasting advice as, "When something similar happened to me, I..." storytelling. I've found that people giving advice on how to give advice typically think that will "work," but in practice it often causes offense (how dare you suggest that my occasional extra Snickers bar is like your drinking problem?!--not a … [Read more...]

From “Middlemarch”

And now within all the automatic succession of theoretic phrases--distinct and inmost as the shiver and the ache of oncoming fever when we are discussing abstract pain--was the forecast of disgrace in the presence of his neighbours and of his own wife. For the pain, as well as the public estimate of disgrace, depends on the amount of previous profession. To men who only aim at escaping felony, nothing short of the prisoner's dock is disgrace. But Mr. Bulstrode had aimed at being an eminent … [Read more...]

From George Eliot, “Middlemarch”

This was not the first time that Mr. Bulstrode had begun by admonishing Mr. Vincy, and had ended by seeing a very unsatisfactory reflection of himself in the coarse unflattering mirror which that manufacturer's mind presented to the subtler lights and shadows of his fellow-men; and perhaps his experience ought to have warned him how the scene would end. But a full-fed fountain will be generous with its waters even in the rain, when they are worse than useless; and a fine fount of admonition is … [Read more...]


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