Jesus said, “My wife…” WHAT? How would you fill in the blank?

As readers already know, a small fragment in Coptic that has been making headlines because it includes the words “Jesus said, ‘My wife…’” and then is cut off there.

I suggested in my last post, but thought it might be worth separating out in a post of its own, that it would be interesting (and perhaps also fun) to bounce around ideas – both serious ones and silly ones – about how the text might have continued.

If you were writing “The Gospel of Jesus’ Wife” how would that line have continued?

 

 

Jesus said, “My wife ___________________________________________.”

 

  • Eddie Arthur

    There is no need to fill in the blanks yourself, as Archdruid Eileen bought the complete original papyrus on a Nile cruise some years ago. She gives the missing text here:
    http://cyber-coenobites.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/jesuss-wife-filling-in-gaps.html

    • http://wonderwheels.blogspot.com/ Gregory Wonderwheel

      Of course her’s is a joke too.

  • http://tunabay.com/ Keika

    Jesus said, “My wife, take her–please.” Henny Youngman, ancient history. ;-)

  • Wesley

    Jesus said “my wife, i hear you say, she won’t do as I tell her, what should I do?” I tell you it’s better not to marry I didn’t and I’m my own man :). ( smiley face not in original text)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000194137198 Stephen Savage

    …stays at home, in the kitchen, like a good little woman, and takes care of our daughter Sarah.

  • Dustin

    Jesus said, “My wife and my brothers and my sisters are those who do the will of God” (an alteration of Mk 3:35).

  • http://tunabay.com/ Keika

    Then again…“My wife…I used to call her, my sister, but you brothers kept hitting on her, so there.”

  • Beau Quilter

    “My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. Take my wife, please!

    (Come back, folks, I’ll be playing Jerusalem all weekend!)

  • Tim

    “My wife isn’t the messiah; she’s a very naughty girl !”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Judy-Redman/620618858 Judy Redman

    So why is it that so many of the comments portray Jesus as a misogynist creep? These responses make me very sad. :-(

    • Beau Quilter

      Don’t be sad, Judy! It’s just the humor of incongruity – nobody really thinks that Jesus was like Rodney Daingerfield. It’s just taking the sorts of crazy implications that people might draw from the Coptic fragment, and riffing them to the absurd. It wouldn’t be funny if we really thought Jesus was a Vegas stand-up comedian.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/exploringourmatrix/ James F. McGrath

      I was certainly hoping for more highbrow humor than I got. Don’t just be sad – be funny, funnier than the other comments here! :-)

      • Beau Quilter

        OK let me try something a little more highbrow:

        Then James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came to him. “Teacher,” they said, “we want you to do for us whatever we ask.”
        “What do you want me to do for you?” he asked.
        They replied, “Let one of us sit at your right and the other at your left in your glory.”
        “You don’t know what you are asking. To sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to the one for whom they have been prepared,” Jesus said, “My wife.”

        • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/exploringourmatrix/ James F. McGrath

          Now that’s more like it! :-)

  • LorenHaas

    “That ain’t no lady. That is” said Jesus, “my wife!”

  • Pseudonym

    I don’t know what Jesus said, but I found another fragment where the Apostle Ed replied “How ____ is she?”

  • http://www.facebook.com/brenda.ahsen Brenda Von Ahsen

    Was it the very first “Yo Mamma” joke?

  • Susan Burns

    Jesus said, “My wife is in charge of my schedule. If you want a firm appearance date, you need to contact her.”

  • Yaacov

    My wife,…. my wife ??? I’,m a Nazirite. I can’t get married and I can’t drink wine. Haven’t you guys ever read Torah ?

    • Susan Burns

      A Nazirite for life cannot do those things but a Nazirite for a specified period of time may abstain only during the time of his/her separation. Perhaps Jesus was Nazirite during his days in the wilderness only.

  • jerry lynch

    My wife is a Samaritan and a slave and a Roman and a Jew. She is wisdom and she gives life, but oy vey already! the relatives at Christmas, let me tell you it’s crazy.

  • jerry lynch

    That last phrase would better read, ‘…let me tell you it’s mashugana.’

  • jerry lynch

    My wife is heaven, the vastness, beauty, and diversity of Creation and the Eternal at the heart of all things seen and unseen. That heart and my heart are one, a marriage that consumes all of my being and brings peace to my soul. We are as true to each other as night follows day.

  • Guest

    I have read the comments. Most of the comments are negative or snide remarks about female competence. That is very telling. Jesus was a rabbi. All rabbis marry. It would have been highly unusual if he had not, that is, of course, if he isn’t a literary fiction or an amalgam of various itinerant preachers of his time, both of which can be deduced and have been from the scholarly study of the New Testament. It is obvious that in the past as well as the present there was/is the same fear of women’s humanity and in the patriarchal religions of her divinity. It’s also interesting that your spellchecker doesn’t know the word patriarchal. The majority of religious believers are authoritarian. Authoritarians have various negative traits and are by nature dismissive of out groups, including women. After testing, some authoritarians can change if the facts about the implications of their bias are explained to them. Most are incapable of change, it is the way their brains are wired and a result of their upbringing and cultural milieu. That is one of the reasons we are in just trouble in America.

    • http://www.facebook.com/bobby.garringer Bobby Garringer

      On what basis do you: (1) say “All rabbis marry?” (2) suggest Jesus may be “a literary fiction?” (3) state “it is obvious that in the past as well as the present there was/is…fear of women’s humanity and…her divinity?” (4) attribute to most “authoritarians” an incapacity for change, because “that’s the way their brains are wired” and their condition is “a result of their upbringing and cultural milieu?”

      Either your level of expertise is astounding and all-embracing, across multitudes of disciplines (history, theology, philosophy, and psychology — or you are among the “authoritarians” you denounce.

    • Beau Quilter

      “Snide remarks about female competence”?! These may not be the cleverest of humorists, but it’s obvious that the comments are all meant as irony, a parody of patriarchal male attitudes towards women.

  • Scott Dillard

    “my wife, Mary Magdalene….” At least I hope so….

  • lionelal

    So what? Jesus married doesn’t change anything. But, He wasn’t because His wife would have been mentioned at His death.

  • Rev. Khan

    Well, ya know, there is actually very little we know about those intensely lived days of Jesus and the 12+…just a few pages in what we call ‘good news’. I love surprises yet nothing would truly surprise me if more info got dug up. We live in an information-addicted society. Be counter cultural like that lovely radical, Jesus of Nazareth, and say ‘so what!’. :D
    Blessings to all on this autumnal equinox

  • http://www.facebook.com/george.athas George Athas

    After textual emendation:

    Jesus said, “My wifi isn’t working! Power has gone from me.”


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