Notes Like This Make It All Worthwhile

I got an email today that really touched my heart.  I’ve removed any identifying information, but I wanted to share it in the hopes that, perhaps, even more lives could be touched.

Dr. Popcak,

 I just wanted to say thanks for writing the “holy sex” book. My husband and I have had some difficulties, and it was so comforting to find out we weren’t crazy. One of the most painful things was this idea that if you’re generally faithful to Church teaching on sexuality, you won’t have problems. Contraception causes misogyny, poor communication, and dissatisfying sex; premarital promiscuity causes an inability to bond with your spouse, etc. Then, Catholic sex is holy sex and it’s way more amazing than anything else.

But we got married the “Catholic” way – abstaining before, reading Casti Connubii during engagement, taking lifelong commitment seriously, being open to children, coming from great families, etc. It seemed like we shouldn’t have problems, but we did, and I felt lied to. Where was this great Catholic sex everyone is talking about? I desperately wanted to be a nun.

It took us several months to actually buy your book, because, honestly, the cover reminded us of those goofy “try-really-hard-to-make-Catholicism-cool-and-trendy-for-teens” materials, a la Jesuspalooza. We finally bought it, and I cried my eyes out reading it. I know now that this “great Catholic sex” does exist, and it’s attainable, and that you don’t have to be a bad Catholic to need to see a doctor or counselor.

Also, just reading the book helped me have a healthier view of sex. All this trash on TV makes me think sex is bad (because all the sex on TV is bad), and all this religious stuff about why celibate vocations are better and marriage is around for those who have trouble keeping their pants on… that also made me feel like sex is bad (and guilty for not being a nun). Your book was a refreshing counter to all of that.

We haven’t gotten everything taken care of yet, but we know that it’s okay to need help, and we know how to find help. I think I’m going to make some dust covers, but we’re planning to buy copies of your book as wedding gifts for all our friends.

God Bless, M.

I was so grateful to receive this note today.  Thank you for taking the time to write, M.

In light of M’s comments, if you or someone you care about is struggling to live the Catholic vision of love, perhaps Holy Sex! can help you.  Or contact the Pastoral Solutions Institute to talk with a faithful Catholic counselor via our Catholic Tele-Counseling Service.   God holds much in store for those who love him.  Don’t let anything stand between you and all the love God and passion God longs to share with you.

Like Patheos Catholic on Facebook!


Spiritual Infidelity: A Crisis in Catholic Marriage
Are You Getting The Help You Need? 5 Ways Seeking Help Can Make Things Worse
Pphubb You.
8 Signs of An Emotional Affair
About Dr. Greg

Dr. Gregory Popcak directs the Pastoral Solutions Institute, an organization dedicated to helping Catholics find faith-filled solutions to marriage, family, and personal problems. Together with his wife, Lisa, he hosts More2Life Radio. He is the author of over a dozen books integrating psychological insights with our Catholic faith. For more info about books, tele-counseling and other resources, visit