What Do You Do When Your Son is Gay?

Ryan-Profile

“Mom, I’m gay.” Earth-shattering words to many conservative Christian parents — tragically, many view it as right up there with, “Your child has a brain tumor.” Actually, Christians will empathize with a brain tumor, but just try telling the church your child is gay and you will find the limit of grace withheld not only from gay Christians but from their accepting families. Not only what is said but unsaid can be oppressive for a family seeking love and truth.

I do not blame the parents in these situations for one nanosecond. Lord knows, they are trying to respond, with the wind knocked out of them, in an area where the church at large allows no breathing room. Parents blame themselves and Christians blame them. Seriously. No sooner do we hear the word gay or lesbian than we brace for impact — because we know the attack is coming.

This story was posted on FB. My daughter went to school with his brother. The mother, Linda, gave me kind permission to post this  in the hope of impacting lives and preventing tragedy. This is why our response as a Christian community matters. A real person with a real story.

The photo above is of Linda and Ryan Robertson.

Just Because He Breathes

by Linda Mueller Robertson (Notes) on Monday, April 1, 2013 at 12:35am

Written on December 5th, 2012

First posted on January 14, 2013 – Ryan’s would-have-been-24 birthday

On the night of November 20, 2001, a conversation held over Instant Messenger changed our lives forever. Our twelve year old son messaged me in my office from the computer in his bedroom.

Ryan says: can i tell u something

Mom says: Yes I am listening

Ryan says: well i don’t know how to say this really but, well……, i can’t keep lying to you about myself. I have been hiding this for too long and i sorta have to tell u now. By now u probably have an idea of what i am about to say.

Ryan says: I am gay

Ryan says: i can’t believe i just told you

Mom says: Are you joking?

Ryan says: no

Ryan says: i thought you would understand because of uncle don

Mom says: of course I would

Mom says: but what makes you think you are?

Ryan says: i know i am

Ryan says: i don’t like hannah

Ryan says: it’s just a cover-up

Mom says: but that doesn’t make you gay…

Ryan says: i know

Ryan says: but u don’t understand

Ryan says: i am gay

Mom says: tell me more

Ryan says: it’s just the way i am and it’s something i know

Ryan says: u r not a lesbian and u know that it is the same thing

Mom says: what do you mean?

Ryan says: i am just gay

Ryan says: i am that

Mom says: I love you no matter what

Ryan says: i am white not black

Ryan says: i know

Ryan says: i am a boy not a girl

Ryan says: i am attracted to boys not girls

Ryan says: u know that about yourself and i know this

Mom says: what about what God thinks about acting on these desires?

Ryan says: i know

Mom says: thank you for telling me

Ryan says: and i am very confused about that right now

Mom says: I love you more for being honest

Ryan says: i know

Ryan says: thanx

We were completely shocked. Not that we didn’t know and love gay people – my only brother had come out to us several years before, and we adored him. But Ryan? He was unafraid of anything, tough as nails, and ALL boy. We had not seen this coming, and the emotion that overwhelmed us, kept us awake at night and, sadly, influenced all of our reactions over the next six years, was FEAR.

We said all the things that we thought loving Christian parents who believed the Bible to be the Word of God should say:

We love you. We will ALWAYS love you. And this is hard. REALLY hard. But we know what God says about this, and so you are going to have to make some really difficult choices.

We love you. But there are other men who have faced this same struggle, and God has worked in them to change their desires. We’ll get you their books…you can listen to their testimonies. And we will trust God with this.

We love you. But you are young, and your sexual orientation is still developing. The feelings you’ve had for other guys don’t make you gay. So please don’t tell anyone that you ARE gay. You don’t know who you are yet. Your identity is not that you are gay – it is that you are a child of God.

We love you. We will ALWAYS love you. But if you are going to follow Jesus, holiness is your only option. You are going to have to choose to follow Jesus, no matter what. And since you know what the Bible says, and since you want to follow God, embracing your sexuality is NOT an option.

Basically, we told our son that he had to choose between Jesus and his sexuality. We forced him to make a choice between God and being a sexual person. Choosing God, practically, meant living a lifetime of loneliness (never to fall in love, have his first kiss, hold hands, share intimacy companionship, experience romance), but it also meant the abundant life, perfect peace and eternal rewards.  So, for the first six years, he tried to choose Jesus. Like so many others before him, he pleaded with God to help him be attracted to girls. He memorized Scripture, met with his youth pastor weekly, enthusiastically participated in all the church youth group events and Bible Studies, got baptized, read all the books that claimed to know where his gay feelings came from, dove into counseling to further discover the “why’s” of his unwanted attraction to other guys, worked through painful conflict resolution with my husband and I, and built strong friendships with other guys – straight guys – just like he was told to. He even came out to his entire youth group, giving his testimony of how God had rescued him from the traps of the enemy, and sharing – by memory – verse after verse that God had used to draw Ryan to Himself.

But nothing changed. God didn’t answer his prayer – or ours – though we were all believing with faith that the God of the Universe – the God for whom NOTHING is impossible – could easily make Ryan straight. But He did not.

Though our hearts may have been good (we truly thought what we were doing was loving), we did not even give Ryan a chance to wrestle with God, to figure out what HE believed God was telling him through scripture about his sexuality. We had believed firmly in giving each of our four children the space to question Christianity, to decide for themselves if they wanted to follow Jesus, to truly OWN their own faith. But we were too afraid to give Ryan that room when it came to his sexuality, for fear that he’d make the wrong choice.

And so, just before his 18th birthday, Ryan, depressed, suicidal, disillusioned and convinced that he would never be able to be loved by God, made a new choice. He decided to throw out his Bible and his faith at the same time, and to try searching for what he desperately wanted – peace – another way. And the way he chose to try first was drugs.

We had – unintentionally – taught Ryan to hate his sexuality. And since sexuality cannot be separated from the self, we had taught Ryan to hate himself. So as he began to use drugs, he did so with a recklessness and a lack of caution for his own safety that was alarming to everyone who knew him.

Suddenly our fear of Ryan someday having a boyfriend (a possibility that honestly terrified me) seemed trivial in contrast to our fear of Ryan’s death, especially in light of his recent rejection of Christianity, and his mounting anger at God.

Ryan started with weed and beer…but in six short months was using cocaine, crack and heroin. He was hooked from the beginning, and his self-loathing and rage at God only fueled his addiction. Shortly after, we lost contact with him. For the next year and a half we didn’t know where he was, or even if he was dead or alive. And during that horrific time, God had our full attention. We stopped praying for Ryan to become straight. We started praying for him to know that God loved him. We stopped praying for him never to have a boyfriend. We started praying that someday he’d come back to Jesus. We even stopped praying for him to come home to us…we only wanted him to come home to God.

By the time our son called us, after 18 long months of silence, God had completely changed our perspective. Because Ryan had done some pretty terrible things while using drugs, the first thing he asked me was this:

Do you think you can ever forgive me? (I told him of course, he was already forgiven. He had ALWAYS been forgiven.)

Do you think you could ever love me again? (I told him that we had never stopped loving him, not for one second. We loved him then more than we had ever loved him.)

Do you think you could even love me with a boyfriend? (Crying, I told him that we could love him with fifteen boyfriends. We just wanted him back in our lives. We just wanted to have a relationship with him again…AND with his boyfriend.)

And a new journey was begun. One of healing, restoration, open communication and grace. LOTS of grace. And God was present every step of the way, leading and guiding us, gently reminding us simply to love our son, and leave the rest up to Him.

Over the next ten months, we learned to love our son. Period. No buts. No conditions. Just because he breathes. We learned to love whoever our son loved. And it was easy. What I had been so afraid of became a blessing. The journey wasn’t without mistakes, but we had grace for each other, and the language of apology and forgiveness became a natural part of our relationship. As our son pursued recovery from drug and alcohol addiction, we pursued him. God taught us how to love him, to rejoice over him, to be proud of the man he was becoming. We were all healing…and most importantly, Ryan began to think that if WE could forgive him and love him, then maybe God could, too.

And then Ryan made the classic mistake of a recovering addict…he got back together with his old friends…his using friends. And one evening that was supposed to simply be a night at the movies turned out to be the first time he had shot up in ten months…and the last time. Ryan died on July 16, 2009. And we lost the ability to love our gay son…because we no longer had a gay son. What we had wished for…prayed for…hoped for…that we would NOT have a gay son, came true. But not at all in the way we used to envision.

Now, when I think back on the fear that governed all my reactions during those first six years after Ryan told us he was gay, I cringe as I realize how foolish I was. I was afraid of all the wrong things. And I grieve, not only for my oldest son, who I will miss every day for the rest of my life, but for the mistakes I made. I grieve for what could have been, had we been walking by FAITH instead of by FEAR. Now, whenever Rob and I join our gay friends for an evening, I think about how much I would love to be visiting with Ryan and his partner over dinner. But instead, we visit Ryan’s gravestone. We celebrate anniversaries: the would-have-been birthdays and the unforgettable day of his death. We wear orange – his color. We hoard memories: pictures, clothing he wore, handwritten notes, lists of things he loved, tokens of his passions, recollections of the funny songs he invented, his Curious George and baseball blankey, anything, really, that reminds us of our beautiful boy…for that is all we have left, and there will be no new memories.  We rejoice in our adult children, and in our growing family as they marry…but ache for the one of our “gang of four” who is missing. We mark life by the days BC (before coma) and AD (after death), because we are different people now; our life was irrevocably changed – in a million ways – by his death. We treasure friendships with others who “get it”…because they, too, have lost a child.

We weep. We seek Heaven for grace and mercy and redemption as we try – not to get better but to be better. And we pray that God can somehow use our story to help other parents learn to truly love their children. Just because they breathe.

Linda Diane Robertson, robertson.family@frontier.com

Written on December 5th, 2012

Posted on January 14, 2013 – Ryan’s would-have-been-24 birthday

Book Presentation

Susan’s new book:  “Mom I’m Gay” – Loving Your LGBTQ Child Without Sacrificing Your Faith is NOW AVAILABLE! Just click here for more information.

 

Click here to read “TO CHRISTIAN PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN”

Click here to watch Linda & Rob Robertson speak at Exodus International Conference 2013

Do Gay People Have Better Sex Than Straight People?
Dear Susan: Are You Twisting the Bible to Justify Your Beliefs?
Our Daughter Gets Engaged to a Man. But Wait… What??
Non-affirming Christians: Does THIS Look Like Love??
About Susan Cottrell

Susan Cottrell is a national speaker, teacher, and counselor with years of Biblical study and discipleship experience. Her books include: "Mom, I'm Gay" - Loving Your LGBTQ Child Without Sacrificing Your Faith, as well as How Not To Lose Your Teen and The Marriage Renovation. Through her nonprofit organization - FreedHearts.org - Susan champions the LGBTQ community and families with her characteristic tender-heartedness, and she zealously challenges Christians who reject them with her wise insistence that "loving God and loving others" are the foundation of the rest of the scripture, just as Jesus said. She is the Vice President of PFLAG Austin, and her "Mom, I'm Gay" book has been endorsed by The Human Rights Campaign and others. She and her husband have been married more than 27 years and have five children - two of whom are in the LGBTQ community. She lives in Austin, Texas.

  • Taylor A. Seasons

    This could have been me if I’d made the wrong choices. While I admit, I’m not even remotely Christian (I’m Wiccan), I do want to say something.
    I was raised a Christian child, but realized just how wrong that path was for me at age 11. I formed my own beliefs, then did research on what path this was. I found it was Pagan… or, more specifically, Wiccan. Give your kids the choice to follow whatever path seems right to them.
    If I’d been forced to be Christian, I have zero doubt that, as a gay teen, I would have killed myself. Don’t force that on kids.

  • http://www.facebook.com/overlycaucasianmale Sam Raffield

    I am sorry for your loss. It’s a tragedy that your son lost his life, and it’s even worse that your ignorance on homosexuality was the cause.

    But seriously, comparing homosexuality to a brain tumor? Did you learn NOTHING from the loss of your oldest child?

  • Stefani

    I am glad you are a proud successful gay man but I think you have a lot to learn. This mother shared her extremely paid full story to help keep itfrom repeating in someone else’s life and you castigate her for not being enlightened at the beginning. Where is your compassion.

  • Zoe Saunders

    This really disturbed me. Made me feel sick in fact. The fact that 2 parents can destroy their own son simply because of his sexuality, because of some stupid religion, because they are worried what their Christian friends will think, because they are ashamed. I hope the parents live with their guilt forever, it’s what they deserve. They are monsters, not human beings.

  • Rick Shuster

    And should… every single day, religious, Christian, or not at all, you are human first. And I believe that as another human, to have compassion and humility and move through and past anger and hate, is what will really be the positive take-away from this post.
    No one wins or gets better when more venom is spewed. Hug it out, y’all.

  • Serge

    C’est triste pour Ryan, très triste puisqu’il a été incapable de trouver de l’amour chez ses parents qui sont les premiers à devoir l’aimer. Honte à ces mauvais parents de chercher dieu. Ils auraient dû aimer leur fils en premier. It’s very sad for Ryan, very sad because he was unable to find love with his parents who are the first to love. Shame on this very bad parents who where looking god instead of the love of their son. First love your son. La bible n’est pas la vie, ce n’est qu’un livre de mort. The bible is not life, it’s only a book about death.

  • Serge

    C’est triste pour Ryan, très triste puisqu’il a été incapable de trouver de l’amour chez ses parents qui sont les premiers à devoir l’aimer. Honte à ces mauvais parents de chercher dieu. Ils auraient dû aimer leur fils en premier. It’s very sad for Ryan, very sad because he was unable to find love with his parents who are the first to love. Shame on this very bad parents who where looking god instead of the love of their son. First love your son. La bible n’est pas la vie, ce n’est qu’un livre de mort. The bible is not life, it’s only a book about death.

  • Serge

    I agree with you. theses parents were more worried about their false christian friends. Shame on them and I hope they will have guilt. Lorsqu’on aime son enfant, on l’accepte aussi avec sa sexualité.

  • Serge

    I agree with you. theses parents were more worried about their false christian friends. Shame on them and I hope they will have guilt. Lorsqu’on aime son enfant, on l’accepte aussi avec sa sexualité.

  • Taya

    Already there are responses that are condemning hate with venom…Don’t you think that they know what happened here? Don’t you think that people should be allowed the opportunity to be better than they were before? She spoke a great deal about grace, of which some of you show none. Were you born knowing all that you know now? Of course not. Have you made any exceptionally poor choices in your life? I’m sure you have. Have you ever directly or indirectly caused hurt or harm to another person? The odds are great that you have. Please, if you don’t want to be judged, stop being so judgmental.

    I’m an ally. All the way. I don’t speak hate. I get angry and I cry over the pain that others feel, but I don’t speak hate. It doesn’t help anyone, ever.

  • Taya

    Already there are responses that are condemning hate with venom…Don’t you think that they know what happened here? Don’t you think that people should be allowed the opportunity to be better than they were before? She spoke a great deal about grace, of which some of you show none. Were you born knowing all that you know now? Of course not. Have you made any exceptionally poor choices in your life? I’m sure you have. Have you ever directly or indirectly caused hurt or harm to another person? The odds are great that you have. Please, if you don’t want to be judged, stop being so judgmental.

    I’m an ally. All the way. I don’t speak hate. I get angry and I cry over the pain that others feel, but I don’t speak hate. It doesn’t help anyone, ever.

  • SadicticTart

    And here you sit, judging others while comdemning them for judging others. Disgusting.

    Obviously you missed the part where the author stated, “For Christians…” in reference to the coming out being akin to a death sentence. For some, this is their truth. Is it wrong? Well, yes I think so, but I don’t live their life.

  • SadicticTart

    And here you sit, judging others while comdemning them for judging others. Disgusting.

    Obviously you missed the part where the author stated, “For Christians…” in reference to the coming out being akin to a death sentence. For some, this is their truth. Is it wrong? Well, yes I think so, but I don’t live their life.

  • http://www.facebook.com/william.d.luke.9 William Dean Luke

    You’re being a jerk. You didn’t even read the article, did you? THey know they made mistakes, they know they can’t be taken back, they know they will never get to see him again or hold him, yet here you are, rubbing salt in the wound. You really are being a jerk, and I pray God forgives you for being so judgmental.

  • http://www.facebook.com/william.d.luke.9 William Dean Luke

    You’re being a jerk. You didn’t even read the article, did you? THey know they made mistakes, they know they can’t be taken back, they know they will never get to see him again or hold him, yet here you are, rubbing salt in the wound. You really are being a jerk, and I pray God forgives you for being so judgmental.

  • Sarah

    Keli, what you wrote is just so true. So, so true.

  • Sarah

    Keli, what you wrote is just so true. So, so true.

  • True Believer

    What most “Christians” don’t seem to understand is, the bible says a LOT of things and it’s how they have been interpreted over the years that makes people believe such things. My point is, I 100% believe that god loves all people including gay people who have relationships with other gay people, meaning intimate loving people. GOD is the one who created all people the way they are, gay and straight. You can be gay, you can love another person intimately (same sex or not) and if there is such a place as heaven, and you have been a kind caring person otherwise, you WILL go there. I think true “Christians” get this because there are many such churches that accept and love all people (gay or straight) and tell them this too. You don’t have to believe that, but I think that IF there really is a god, he or she would agree!

  • True Believer

    What most “Christians” don’t seem to understand is, the bible says a LOT of things and it’s how they have been interpreted over the years that makes people believe such things. My point is, I 100% believe that god loves all people including gay people who have relationships with other gay people, meaning intimate loving people. GOD is the one who created all people the way they are, gay and straight. You can be gay, you can love another person intimately (same sex or not) and if there is such a place as heaven, and you have been a kind caring person otherwise, you WILL go there. I think true “Christians” get this because there are many such churches that accept and love all people (gay or straight) and tell them this too. You don’t have to believe that, but I think that IF there really is a god, he or she would agree!

  • http://www.facebook.com/tasia.hooper Tasia Hooper

    Lord bless you!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/tasia.hooper Tasia Hooper

    Lord bless you!!!

  • terry yarbrough

    if you only knew how many gay people I know have gone through this and know all of this. this story broke my heart.. simply because of the truth the lies within it. if the world only new here today even now this moment how many young gay people are going through the same thing… it takes power and strength to Forster and to move forward… and not all of us have that in power meant. they look for something less difficult

  • terry yarbrough

    if you only knew how many gay people I know have gone through this and know all of this. this story broke my heart.. simply because of the truth the lies within it. if the world only new here today even now this moment how many young gay people are going through the same thing… it takes power and strength to Forster and to move forward… and not all of us have that in power meant. they look for something less difficult

  • steven

    As someone who is living a similar life as Ryan did, I know what he went through. I grew up in a very conservative, religious family and feared for my life everday. I knew that if my family found out I was gay, I’d be kicked out or worse. I’d likely be the victim of a tragic “hunting accident” or “accidentally fall of the tractor and into the plow.” My only recourse was to hide who I am.

    When my parents finally found out when I was in my 30s, it was bad. They disowned me, told me I’m going to hell, and that I am unwelcome in their house. As someone who grew up with a firm belief in God, the actions of my parents and others from the church have destroyed my faith. I no longer have any desire to set foot inside a church. My faith is gone.

    My life has been incredibly lonely. The rejection and fear I have had has led me to doubt anyone ever wanting me. I know that I’m unlovable because my family had made sure I know it. It is a daily challenge to move on.

    I know what it’s like to have a family chose the bible over their son. I hope my story and Ryan’s story become less common as the world moves forward.

  • steven

    As someone who is living a similar life as Ryan did, I know what he went through. I grew up in a very conservative, religious family and feared for my life everday. I knew that if my family found out I was gay, I’d be kicked out or worse. I’d likely be the victim of a tragic “hunting accident” or “accidentally fall of the tractor and into the plow.” My only recourse was to hide who I am.

    When my parents finally found out when I was in my 30s, it was bad. They disowned me, told me I’m going to hell, and that I am unwelcome in their house. As someone who grew up with a firm belief in God, the actions of my parents and others from the church have destroyed my faith. I no longer have any desire to set foot inside a church. My faith is gone.

    My life has been incredibly lonely. The rejection and fear I have had has led me to doubt anyone ever wanting me. I know that I’m unlovable because my family had made sure I know it. It is a daily challenge to move on.

    I know what it’s like to have a family chose the bible over their son. I hope my story and Ryan’s story become less common as the world moves forward.

  • Zoe Saunders

    I’m an athiest

  • Zoe Saunders

    I’m an athiest

  • Zoe Saunders

    and there is no redemption or forgiveness when you’re an athiest. You live your life right TODAY. Story’s like the above strengthen my views on religion. These parents are just as bad as the idiots that kill their kids when they pray for a cure rather than going to hospital.

  • Zoe Saunders

    and there is no redemption or forgiveness when you’re an athiest. You live your life right TODAY. Story’s like the above strengthen my views on religion. These parents are just as bad as the idiots that kill their kids when they pray for a cure rather than going to hospital.

  • http://gravatar.com/tbrightwater tbrightwater

    Susan, I am so sorry for your loss. I grieve that so many people think that serving God means you have to hate some people. And I grieve that some of those who have turned against religion because of hate are still practicing hate, even when they have left religion behind.

  • http://gravatar.com/tbrightwater tbrightwater

    Susan, I am so sorry for your loss. I grieve that so many people think that serving God means you have to hate some people. And I grieve that some of those who have turned against religion because of hate are still practicing hate, even when they have left religion behind.

  • http://gravatar.com/tbrightwater tbrightwater

    Well, I meant Linda, but Susan, you obviously share her grief.

  • http://gravatar.com/tbrightwater tbrightwater

    Well, I meant Linda, but Susan, you obviously share her grief.

  • Ryan

    What a sad story, such a incredibly hard life lesson to learn. What a awful mother, may god forgive you.

  • Ryan

    What a sad story, such a incredibly hard life lesson to learn. What a awful mother, may god forgive you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/robellisshapiro Rob Shapiro

    What a sorrowful story. I feel just awful for everyone involved. But here’s the takeaway the way I see it…

    If Linda is wrong, and there is no god, her belief in religious nonsense and hate directly led to the death of her son.

    If Linda is RIGHT, and there IS a god, her son is burning in hell for being a sinning homosexual.

    You see, religion is the worst plague man has ever known. It is a sham, a con – and it kills. It has killed for thousands of years, millions upon millions of people. And it will continue to do so until humans grow up and reject these horrible fantasies of magic men in the sky.

    Lets reverse engineer what I said earlier for more clarification:

    Had there been no religion –

    Her son would have come out, and she would have said – “Great. We love you and hope you’re happy.” And she would most probably have enjoyed many dinner parties at her son and his partner’s home. (I bet the food would be fabulous – stereotype or not, those gay guys make great dinner parties!)

    And no, her son would not burn in hell, because A) there would have been no religion to say it was ‘wrong’, and B) there is no hell.

    The worst part about this story is that at the end, she is STILL invoking god and praying to him – the same god that was the direct result of her son’s death. Some people cant see the forest for the trees.

  • http://www.facebook.com/robellisshapiro Rob Shapiro

    What a sorrowful story. I feel just awful for everyone involved. But here’s the takeaway the way I see it…

    If Linda is wrong, and there is no god, her belief in religious nonsense and hate directly led to the death of her son.

    If Linda is RIGHT, and there IS a god, her son is burning in hell for being a sinning homosexual.

    You see, religion is the worst plague man has ever known. It is a sham, a con – and it kills. It has killed for thousands of years, millions upon millions of people. And it will continue to do so until humans grow up and reject these horrible fantasies of magic men in the sky.

    Lets reverse engineer what I said earlier for more clarification:

    Had there been no religion –

    Her son would have come out, and she would have said – “Great. We love you and hope you’re happy.” And she would most probably have enjoyed many dinner parties at her son and his partner’s home. (I bet the food would be fabulous – stereotype or not, those gay guys make great dinner parties!)

    And no, her son would not burn in hell, because A) there would have been no religion to say it was ‘wrong’, and B) there is no hell.

    The worst part about this story is that at the end, she is STILL invoking god and praying to him – the same god that was the direct result of her son’s death. Some people cant see the forest for the trees.

  • Rich Englebach

    God would never forgive Ryan because there was nothing to forgive. God made Ryan and always loved him. Any true Christian knows that God made gays and there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. The fake Christians just don’t get that. They say the Bible says the word of God says that ‘being gay” is wrong. If we are going to use this reasoning, Then you must accept everything that is in the Bible as the word of God. Therefore any woman who is not a virgin when she marries, must be executed. If your brother dies, you must marry his wife. No? Well you don’t get to pick and choose to suit your own beliefs.

  • Rich Englebach

    God would never forgive Ryan because there was nothing to forgive. God made Ryan and always loved him. Any true Christian knows that God made gays and there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. The fake Christians just don’t get that. They say the Bible says the word of God says that ‘being gay” is wrong. If we are going to use this reasoning, Then you must accept everything that is in the Bible as the word of God. Therefore any woman who is not a virgin when she marries, must be executed. If your brother dies, you must marry his wife. No? Well you don’t get to pick and choose to suit your own beliefs.

  • Trent

    I’m really sorry for your families loss…my deepest condolences. We are all faced with blessings, challenges and choices in life. These are many time presented to us in the form of another person. How we respect and love these people are the true measure of grace in our lives.

  • Trent

    I’m really sorry for your families loss…my deepest condolences. We are all faced with blessings, challenges and choices in life. These are many time presented to us in the form of another person. How we respect and love these people are the true measure of grace in our lives.

  • Shannon

    What you missed was the part where she realized that she was misunderstanding what her god’s message truly was.

  • Shannon

    What you missed was the part where she realized that she was misunderstanding what her god’s message truly was.

  • Rich

    Your comment that the gay community is “drug riddled” is pretty ignorant and ruthless. That’s a pretty broad statement to apply to a whole community of people.

  • Rich

    Your comment that the gay community is “drug riddled” is pretty ignorant and ruthless. That’s a pretty broad statement to apply to a whole community of people.

  • Sarah D

    The scripture also says we are made in “His” image. To me that image embodies love, kindness, respect, loving thy neighbor as thy self…..if we do these things we won’t have time to hate or judge someone because of their sexuality, infedility, or any other act that WE may consider immoral. There is nothing new under the sun! Let us lift one another up in love. I have a child that is gay and I thank God that he is still alive, healthy, and is able to walk thru my door and give his mama a big hug and kiss and tell me that he loves me. Time and maturity and the love for my child and others have gotten me to this point where I can say let’s live and let live….help others along the way if we can.

  • Sarah D

    The scripture also says we are made in “His” image. To me that image embodies love, kindness, respect, loving thy neighbor as thy self…..if we do these things we won’t have time to hate or judge someone because of their sexuality, infedility, or any other act that WE may consider immoral. There is nothing new under the sun! Let us lift one another up in love. I have a child that is gay and I thank God that he is still alive, healthy, and is able to walk thru my door and give his mama a big hug and kiss and tell me that he loves me. Time and maturity and the love for my child and others have gotten me to this point where I can say let’s live and let live….help others along the way if we can.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001112112006 Sarah Connor

    It’s pretty impressive you managed to twist a mother’s callous behavior into an indictment of the gay community.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001112112006 Sarah Connor

    It’s pretty impressive you managed to twist a mother’s callous behavior into an indictment of the gay community.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001112112006 Sarah Connor

    Rejecting your family in the name of loving deity. That’s what modern Christianity has become. Such a travesty for all involved.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001112112006 Sarah Connor

    Rejecting your family in the name of loving deity. That’s what modern Christianity has become. Such a travesty for all involved.

  • Twain

    This is a beautiful story and I want to thank you for sharing it. You are a wonderful mother and the love you have for your son inspiring. His story, your story, is touching so many people and I hope this brings you some peace.

  • Twain

    This is a beautiful story and I want to thank you for sharing it. You are a wonderful mother and the love you have for your son inspiring. His story, your story, is touching so many people and I hope this brings you some peace.

  • http://www.facebook.com/summer.smith.315 Summer Smith

    This is a beautiful story and I’m a little shocked to see some of the comments on here. What Ryan’s parents did was wrong, but it was the only thing they knew. As things progressed so did they. They know that what they did was wrong but there’s no way to go back and change it now. I don’t think it’s okay to try and make their guilt worse when I’m sure they are already filled with it. I think they’re doing the right thing though, using their story to teach others not to make the same choices they did.

  • http://www.facebook.com/summer.smith.315 Summer Smith

    This is a beautiful story and I’m a little shocked to see some of the comments on here. What Ryan’s parents did was wrong, but it was the only thing they knew. As things progressed so did they. They know that what they did was wrong but there’s no way to go back and change it now. I don’t think it’s okay to try and make their guilt worse when I’m sure they are already filled with it. I think they’re doing the right thing though, using their story to teach others not to make the same choices they did.


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