I’m a White Republican Raising a Black Child: Deal With It

My husband and I – and consequently, my children – live a little bit in the public eye.  As a writer and memoirist, I’ve chronicled funny and poignant stories from our family’s lives in two books, and as a conservative activist I’ve taken my children to various political events across the Southeast.  In 2006 at the Southern Republican Leadership Conference in Memphis, a reporter for Newsweek interviewed my son and discovered he was skipping kindergarten for the conference.  “Mitt Romney, however, is pro-education,” I made sure to note. In 2008, my kids heard speeches by all of the GOP Presidential candidates – they were so young then, I had to distract them when the candidates talked about hot button cultural issues like abortion and gay rights.  (We hadn’t had those talks yet.)   Now, four years later, they’re far more aware of the issues and are frequently the only school aged children at these conferences.

(It’s not that I necessarily want my kids to live and breathe politics, rather I simply would prefer to have them with me than with a babysitter.)

The first photo we have of our daughter (taken in her African orphanage) and a photo taken at church on Sunday (she buttons her sweaters herself!)

The first photo we have of our daughter (taken in her orphanage)

This Presidential campaign cycle is very different for our family than the one in 2008.  This time around, we have a four-year-old daughter we adopted from Ethiopia two years ago.  Now that she’s a part of our family, she too has been to political gatherings with a big bag of crayons and coloring books to get her through the speeches.  For example here is her CSPAN debut when my husband won the Ronald Reagan Award at CPAC, here she got to meet Gov. Romney, and she’s attended book signings with the Palins.

Because we’ve had the audacity to appear in public with our family, we’ve been getting hate mail from liberals who are deeply offended that a white family would raise a black child (the Huffington Post posted a video of Naomi and me at CPAC and it generated more than 1,000 comments, many of them utterly vile). Usually, I laugh at baseless criticism and it inspires me to work even harder at artfully annoying my critics.  But when I get accused of actually harming my daughter by daring to raise her, it infuriates me.  See, for example, an excerpt from tonight’s Facebook message:

“I feel so sorry for your little girl! She has a hard complex life ahead of her! She should not be raised by people who vote against her best interests.”

(It was longer and much more offensive.)

What is that, dear reader?  You don’t understand how my family traveling to a poverty stricken African tribal area to take a starving, abandoned girl into our American family and loving her as fiercely and deeply as we love our biological children could be considered a bad thing?  Well, see, you don’t realize that my family is….  how can I put this politely….  Republican.  We are white conservatives, and the little girl we got from Africa is black.  While most won’t come out and say they wish we’d left her in Africa to starve rather than be exposed to conservatism, I’m not sure what other conclusion to draw.

She now has two parents, a brother, and even a sister!

As Christians, we believe we should take care of orphans, to give fathers to the fatherless.  We didn’t adopt to save the world, or to politically clone ourselves, or to annoy Democrats.  We did it because children need loving parents, a warm bed, and good food (and, yes, a Happy Meal counts).  We did it because as a two-year-old she weighed only 14 pounds.  (Of course, as is frequently the case with adoption, we got her thinking we were preserving her life, we soon discovered that we’re the ones who are blessed by her presence.)

Are my husband and I Republicans?  Yes.  And we also love our little black child.  I’m learning, for example, how to braid hair with colorful beads, I’m learning which colors look good against her chocolate colored skin tone, and I’ll teach her about her country of origin right after she learns her ABCs.

But to all of you liberals who are concerned I’m going to indoctrinate our children with conservative ideas?  Rest assured I’m doing everything within my power to make sure all three of our kids grow up in the party of Abraham Lincoln and Ronald Reagan.

You can’t limit or dictate her political options or her cultural values just because of her skin color, and your constant criticism shows that you are less concerned about the truly poor and more concerned about propagating your narrow and destructive  identity politics.

So, yes, I’m a white Christian conservative Republican raising a black child whom I love with my whole heart.

Deal with it.

UPDATE:  David’s been reading my article, the comments, and the other online discussions it’s spawned and has weighed in with his own thoughts.  Check out Race, Politics, and Adoption — Following Up.

Read more on the Faith and Family Channel

A Poignant Moment for Me

The Joy of Pretty Things

What It Was Like to Co-Write Bristol Palin’s Memoir

A Military Wife’s Letter to her Local Church

 

Pretending to Know the Palins

When I flew to Alaska to help Bristol Palin write her memoirs, I had to keep it quiet.  Our contracts hadn’t been signed, and discretion was warranted.  So, I packed my warmest clothes for what I thought would be a one-week stay.

During my travels, I never offered information to the people I invariably encountered.  The guy next to me on our very long flight, asked what was taking me to so far north.

“Just work,” I responded.

“So are you going to see Sarah Palin?” he asked, laughing.

“No,” I responded truthfully.  In fact, I wasn’t sure if I was going to have access to Bristol’s famous mom.  It was Bristol’s book, after all.

When I rented my car, the cashier asked the purpose of my trip.

“Work,” I said.

“What do you do?”

I hesitated, causing the rental guy to look at me quizzically.  “Don’t tell me,” he said.  “You’re stalking Sarah Palin.”

“Isn’t there anything in Alaska other than the Palin family?” I asked.

He looked me up and down, and noticed my Macintosh laptop.  “I can just tell when people like you show up, they’re trying to get close to the Governor.”  He continued, “Normally, they carry large cameras too.  One reporter bragged that he could take a picture of her from clear across a football field.”

As I signed the contract for the car, he lowered his voice and gave me tips about where I might see the famous family.  (This was in Anchorage, which is about an hour from Wasilla.  But he still offered vague advice about her possible haunts.)  In other words, he was just pretending to have “inside information” because he loved the former governor so much and wanted to be “connected.”

I drove off in my Ford rental car to the location.  I figured I’d be staying at Bristol’s apartment somewhere, however my GPS took me straight up the driveway of Todd and Sarah’s house. I lived right there over the next month and got to know them, their extended family, and friends.  We cheered Todd as he competed in the Iron Dog race, watched Piper play in her basketball games, lounged in front of reruns of The Office, took road trips, and ate moose hotdogs.  I watched in amusement as Gov. Palin – the most controversial and famous politician in the nation – pumped her own gas, greeted the cashier cheerfully, and fussed over Trigg.

The Palins were hospitable, kind, open, and helpful… even though I was there to assist in telling a story that was painful but ultimately redemptive. Todd and Sarah responded with genuine warmth, concern, and kindness as we dredged up the details of events I’m sure they’d rather forget.

But every time I went out into the town, strangers tried to tell me stories – even though I tried to appear as disinterested as possible.  Apparently my general appearance screamed “flatlander” –  the rubber boots, the laptop, the constant chattering of my teeth.  (They seem to consider anyone from the lower 48 a flatlander.)  But even after I had a discount card for Carrs and an Alaska Grown shirt, a server at an Italian restaurant told me he could tell me that I was not from around there.

“Why do you say that?” I asked.

“Because you paid with an American Express,” he said definitively.  “That’s a sure sign.”  He then also pretended to know the Palins.  “It’s too bad you’re here this week, because she’s in the states now,” he said with as much authority as a secretary consulting her boss’s calendar, though I’d just left Gov. Palin at her Alaskan home minutes before.

After a month, I heard lots of stories from people I met around town, those so eager to be connected to the Palins they pretended to have a connection.  Everyone claimed to be related to them, know them, or have dealings with them.  And even though I was trying desperately not to look like I cared about these stories, the anecdotes came anyway.  Some were good, some were bad, few seemed even remotely reliable.

I write this because the guy who bought the house next door to the Palin family has finally published his book, which is based on the gossip he gathered from around the small town. The New York Times reports that Joe McGinniss used his time in Alaska “to chase caustic, unsubstantiated gossip about the Palins, often from unnamed sources like ‘one resident’ and ‘a friend.’” Imagine how much dirt he would be able to get, as a person desperate to get to know the “real Sarah Palin?”  Especially since there’s apparently a cottage industry in Alaska dedicated to pretending to know the Palins.

I returned home to Tennessee after staying a month…  I was happy to see my family and not so happy to receive a $500 fee at the short term airport parking lot.  But I was thankful that the real Palins – the ones who treated me like one of the family for such a long visit – bore little resemblance to the Palins the random strangers tried to tell me about.  I’m also thankful they bear no resemblance to the people Joe McGinniss is trying to tell people about.

I might be a flatlander, but even I can tell that.

 

 

What It Was Like to Co-Write the Bristol Palin Memoir

My friends and I huddled around my iPhone, as we listened to my agent’s voicemail.

“Nancy, Harper Collins wants you to submit your resume for an opportunity to write for a young Christian celebrity,” he said.  “But I can’t tell you who it is.”

I never considered myself a “ghost writer,” since I’ve published my own memoir about being a southerner living in New York and a book about Iraq I co-authored with my husband about his deployment and it’s effect on our family.  I was definitely interested, however, and the mystery only deepened my interest.

Immediately, my friends and I began guessing. Miley Cyrus? Taylor Swift?

Because I live near Nashville, Tennessee, I assumed they were interested in my geographic location as much as my writing ability.  Surely, an up-and-coming country musician needed help with her book, and I was exactly the kind of local writer who could pop in and out with minimal inconvenience.

That’s why I was surprised to get a call from Harper Collins a few weeks later – after I’d figured I’d been passed over for a more typical ghost writer (excuse me, “collaborator”). “Can you be on a call with Bristol Palin in one hour?”

Immediately, I figured I wouldn’t get the job. Though I’d “collaborated” before, my efforts haven’t yet been published.  Surely she’d want someone more experienced for a book that would be analyzed, dissected, critiqued, and attacked.  Bristol was noncommittal in that first conversation, and ended it by saying “I just need to talk to my mom.”

I tried to imagine that conversation, Momma Grizzly herself having a discussion with her daughter about me – a writer who lives in the Mule Capital of the World, Columbia, Tennessee.

It seemed too surreal to be true.  Within days, however, I was in Wasilla, Alaska.

“I can stay on your couch or wherever in your apartment,” I texted Bristol on the way. “I won’t be a nuisance.”

She sent me an address, and I was certainly surprised when I drove up Todd and Sarah Palin’s driveway.  Ice cemented the ground under the snow, and Christmas lights decorated an iron gate.  (White lights or colored?  Guess in the comments section.)

“This is my parents’ house,” Bristol said as she came out to greet me. She looked great – young and fit in her yoga pants and North Face jacket.  “You’ll be staying here.”

She led me to where I’d be living for the next month, in a detached building on the Palin’s property, where Gov. Palin films her Fox interviews.  In fact, I frequently wrote perched high in her chair, with a frozen Lake Lucille outside the tall windows.  Cars drove by slowly on the lake, no doubt taking photos of their house.  Some did “donuts” and skidded around on the ice.  A couple of guys were ice fishing.  A moose slowly ambled across the frozen water and made his way to the Palin’s house.

Lake Lucille, frozen solid, as seen from Todd and Sarah Palin's house.

In fact, meeting the family was like walking into the TLC television show, “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” – a series I watched in its entirety on my flight. Bristol’s maternal grandparents Chuck and Sally Heath were there, as well as Todd’s dad.  Sarah was busy in the kitchen making moose hotdogs (much better than regular hotdogs… and these had cheese in them!) and salmon.  Track was sitting with his fiancé, who is now his wife, in the entryway of their house.  (Track had been deployed to the same province in Iraq where my husband, David, served.)  Willow – who has a very striking appearance with her dark hair and eyes — sat on the couch with her feet on a bear rug, while Piper came in and out of the house with friends. Tripp and Trig tossed a ball around the house.

That’s how I got acclimated to Alaska… moose hot dogs, family, and playing with the kids on the floor.  Then, Bristol and I tackled the difficult task of documenting her life. Thankfully, she’s young, which meant we didn’t have to search attics for fifty year-old, faded letters.  Plus, I was thrilled to learn that she kept journals of challenging times in her life.  These writings documented her exact feelings in various moments, before time softened the memories.  So, we sat and read all that she had written. One day, we sat with magazines and notes spread out on the floor, along with letters to – and from – Levi, lots of photos, and other trinkets.

“This is it,” she said.  “My life.”

She wanted to be candid, she explained, so that other girls could learn from her mistakes.  That meant a lot of very hard conversations about tough times.  I felt at times that I should’ve shown up in Wasilla with a sign: Hello, I’m Nancy, and I’m here to scrape the scab off your deepest emotional wounds.

But Bristol, tough and honest, went through her life with me, year by year, event by event, as we drank coffee and watched the moose walking by outside the windows.

And that’s how I became a part of the Palins’ lives – lives that are shaped far less by politics than by the ordinary concerns of hearth and home.   We went bowling with Trig and Tripp, had our photo taken as we ordered coffee, and shopped at Costco. Later, I’d stay with Bristol in her beautiful Arizona home, where people would honk at her on the interstate when they’d see her customized Alaska license plate.

Why tell a story like Bristol’s?  She’s only twenty, people have repeatedly complained. However, these detractors are missing the point. While most of us haven’t made mistakes in front of a gawking nation, all of us have done things we regret… mistakes that seem innocent enough, but end up changing the trajectory of life.  Her story is ultimately a story of redemption – a story of a girl who admits her mistakes and acknowledges God’s mercy in her life.

After all, she began the entire book with this sentence: “I lied to my mother.”

In spite of all her efforts to take responsibility, however, the Palin-haters came out in full force within seconds of the book’s publication.  In those seconds, they somehow found the time to read the entire book (poorly-written, they say) and pronounce it full of excuses.

Full of excuses?  They obviously hadn’t even creased the spine.

Eventually, the Palin-haters and the Palin-lovers evened out the Amazon ranking to a 3 Star.  Out of 105 reviews, forty-four are 5 star and fifty-three are 1 star.  One lonely reviewer gave it a 3 star review.

Has there been a more polarizing political family?

This fact alone makes Bristol’s story interesting.  What was it like to have the biggest mistake of your life analyzed in front of half of America who idolized you and the other half who despised you?  And what if that biggest mistake turned into the biggest blessing of your life?

Life is complicated, God is good.

That’s the message of Bristol’s book, and I’m honored to have been a part of it.

You Can’t Win for Losing

Many of you saw the article I wrote for National Review titled “The NYT Wants Men to be Women” in which I discuss how mothers of young (presumably nursing) children just physically cannot easily leave their kids at home to pursue careers.

We give birth and have breasts that nourish, and it’s not men’s fault.  Anyway, I got a lot of hate mail over that one, from women who work who seem to think I was saying that women should never work. (This, in spite of the fact that I am a professional writer.  I know, I know, it’s not nine to five but — believe me — it’s work.)

So today I was surprised to get an e-mail from someone who found me through the recent Politico article.

Nancy, Unless your children are young adults (like my 23 year old son) you left them to go to live in Alaska for a month. I am a liberal woman, and I never never never would have left my son, and I do have a husband/father of said son. NEVER NEVER NEVER would I put work ahead of my child. You did and shame on you.

A friend who saw this note e-mailed me, “Well, you can’t win for losing.”

Meet Bristol Palin’s Ghostwriter – Me!

Politico has a profile of yours truly, which begins:

Nancy French signed up to ghostwrite the memoir of a “young Christian person” earlier this year without knowing the identity of the author. To her surprise, she ended up working with a member of the Palin family.

“It turned out to be Bristol,” she said. So French, 36, moved from Tennessee to Alaska for a month to help the 20-year-old daughter of former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin tell her story. A married mother of three, French with her husband recently co-wrote a book called “Home and Away: A Story of Family in a Time of War.”

“I had no idea I was going to be living with the Palins,” said French. But for a month, she slept in the building where Sarah Palin’s television studio is located next to the family’s home. On the shelves in the small compound: a pink BB gun, a painting of former President Ronald Reagan and a Bible with the name of the 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee on the cover.

French had a seat at the family dinner table, where home-cooked meals like salmon and spaghetti were served. She described the inside of the Palins’ home as “not ostentatiously decorated” with “baby gates up and a big bear rug and an amazing view of a frozen lake.” Their kitchen featured a large island around which family and friends often gathered to chat.

Read it all here.